Woke up and the mirror didn't flinch
First time in weeks I didn't reach for the rinse
The redness stayed
but so did I
Didn't try to hide the why
I used to paint a second skin
Over every scar over every sin
But the tube ran out last night at three
And nothing terrible came for me
I'm not asking for the old face back
Just learning how to live inside the crack
The crack where the light eventually seeps
Where the healing doesn't happen
it just sleeps
And waits
You said"you're brave"like it's a choice
Like I found my voice and used it
But bravery was just a noise
I made when I refused to lose it
The calendula on the sill
Doesn't know it's being still
It just opens when the sun arrives
No performance no disguise
I'm not asking for the old face back
Just learning how to live inside the crack
The crack where the light eventually seeps
Where the healing doesn't happen
it just sleeps
And waits for me to stop running
What if the wound was never the enemy
What if the scar was just a geography
A map of everywhere I've been
And not a thing I need to mend
I put the cream on and I let it sit
I don't check the mirror
I just forget
For a moment I'm not a project
I'm just a person
sitting in it
Calendula
doesn't ask me to be more
It just stays
I'm not asking for the old face back
Just learning how to live inside the crack
and stays
and stays
