Uneasy Rider (Live)

I was taking a trip out to L.A.​

Tooling along in my Chevrolet

Tokin’ on a number and diggin' on the radio

Just as I crossed the Mississippi line

I heard that highway start to whine

And I knew that left rear tire was about to go

Well the spare was flat and I got uptight

'Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight

So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim

I went as far as I could, and when I stopped the car

It was right in front of this little bar

Kind of a redneck-lookin' joint called the Dew Drop Inn

Well, I stuffed my hair up under my hat

And told the bartender that I had a flat

And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one?

There was one thing I was sure proud to see

There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me

He just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone

I called up a station down the road a ways

And he said he wasn't very busy today

And he could have someone there in just about 10 minutes or so

He said,"Now, you just stay right where yer at!"

And I didn't bother to tell the darn fool

That I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go

I just ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar

When some guy walked in and said,"Who owns this car

With the peace sign, and the mag wheels, and four on the floor?"

Well, he looked at me and I damn near died

And I decided that I'd just wait outside

So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door

Just when I thought I'd get out of there with my skin

These five big dudes come strollin' in

With this one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth

And I was almost to the door, when the biggest one

Said,"You tip your hat to this lady son!"

And when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath

Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight

In Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night

Especially when there was six of them and only one of me

But they all started laughing, and I felt kinda sick

And I knew I better think of something pretty quick

So I just reached out and kicked ol' green teeth right in the knee

Now he let out a yell that'd curl your hair

But before he could move I grabbed me a chair

And said,"Watch him folks 'cause he's a thoroughly dangerous man!"

"You may not know it but this man is a spy

He's a undercover agent for the FBI

And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!"

He was still bent over holding on to his knee

But everybody else was looking and listening to me

And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went

I said,"Would you believe this man has gone as far

As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars

And he voted for Jimmy Carver for President"

"Well, he's a friend of them long haired hippy-type, pinko fags!

I bet you he's even got a commie flag

Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage"

"He's a snake in the grass, I tell you guys

He may look dumb but that's just a disguise

He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"

They all started looking real suspicious at him

And he jumped up and said,"Now just wait a minute Jim!

You know he's lying, I been living here all of my life!"

"I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch

And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church

And I ain't even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!"

Then he started saying something 'bout the way I was dressed

But I didn't wait around to hear the rest

I was too busy moving and hoping I didn't run out of luck

And when I hit the ground I was making tracks

And they were just taking my car down off the jacks

So I threw the man a twenty and jumped in and fired that mother up

Mario Andretti would have be sure been proud

Of the way I was moving when I passed that crowd

Coming out the door and headed toward me in a trot

And I guess I should've gone ahead and run

But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun

Of chasing them all just once around the parking lot

Well, they headed for their car, but I hit the gas

And spun around and headed them off at the pass

I was slinging gravel and putting a ton of dust in the air

I had them all out there stepping and fetching

Like their heads were on fire and their asses was catching

But I figured I had better go ahead and split before the cops got there

When I hit the road I was really wheeling

Had gravel flying and rubber squealing

And I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas

Well, I think I'm going to reroute my trip

I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped

If I went to L.A. via Omaha