Spoken
Good evening I'm from essex
In case you couldn't tell
My given name is d**kie I come from billericay
And I'm doing very well
Had a love affair with nina
In the back of my cortina
A seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener
She took me to the cleaners
And other misdemeanours
But I got right up between her
Rum and her ribena
Well you ask joyce and vicki
If candy floss is sticky
I'm not a blinking thicky
I'm Billericay d**kie
And I'm doing very well
I bought a lot of brandy
When I was courting sandy
Took eight to make her randy
And all I had was shandy
Another thing with sandy
What often came in handy
Was passing her a 'mandy'
She didn't half go bandy
So you ask joyce and vicki
If I ever took the mickey
I'm not a flipping thicky
I'm Billericay d**kie
And I'm doing very well
I'd rendezvous with Janet
Quite near the isle of thanet
She looked more like a gannet
She wasn't half a prannet
Her mother tried to ban it
Her father helped me plan it
And when I captured janet she bruised her pomegranet
So you ask joyce and vicki
If I ever shaped up tricky
I'm not a blooming thicky
I'm Billericay d**kie
And I'm doing very well
You should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been
The jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine
So you ask joyce and vicki
Who's their favourite brickie
I'm not a common thicky
I'm Billericay d**kie
And I'm doing very well
I know a lovely old toe rag obliging and noblesse
Kindly charming shag from shoeburyness
My given name is d**kie
I come from Billericay
I thought you'd never guess
So you ask joyce and vicki
A pair of squeaky chickies
I'm not a flaming thicky I'm Billericay d**kie
And I'm doing very well
Oh golly oh gosh come and lie on the couch
With a nice bit of posh from burnham on crouch
My given name is d**kie I come from billericay
And I ain't a sloutch
So you ask joyce and vicki
About billericay d**kie
I ain't an effin' thicky
You ask joyce and vicki
And I'm doing very well
