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Mountain
Billy the mountain
A regular picturesque
Postcardy mountain
Residing between lovely
Rosamond and Gorman
With his stunning wife Ethell
A tree
A tree
Billy was a mountain
Ethel was a tree
Growing off of his shoulder
Billy was a mountain
Ethel was a tree
Growing off of his shoulder
Billy had two big
Caves for eyes
With a cliff for a jaw
That would go up 'n down
And whenever it did
He'd puff out some dust
And hack up a boulder
Hack
Hack up a boulder
Hack hack
Hack up a boulder
Hack hack hack
Hack up a boulder
Now one day a man in a checkered suit drove up in a big
Lincoln continental and he laid a huge
Bulging envelope right at the corner of billy the mountain
Right where his 'foot' was supposed to be
Now billy the mountain he couldn't believe it
All those postcards he'd posed for for over these years
And finally now at last his royalties
Billy the mountain was rich his eyeball caves widened in amazement
His cliff
Which was his jaw
It dropped thirty feet
Ooh a bunch of dust puffed out rocks and boulders hacked up
Hack hack hack hack hack hack hack
Crushing 'the Lincoln'
Now the man in the checkered suit well
Without his car he went screaming off into the desert at sunset
All the way to Rosamond to get a beer and tell everybody there
Including Ronnie Cook what had happened to his car
I gave him the money
He acted real funny
He hocked up a rock and
It totaled my car
Oh do you
Know any trucks
Might be bound for the Valley
I don't want to stand here
All night in this bar
Dear lord
I don't want to stand here
All night in this bar
No s**t
I don't want to stand here
All night in this bar
By two o'clock and the bars are already closed down
Billy had already broken 'the big news' to Ethel
With dust and boulders everywhere billy choked with excitement announced
Ethel we're going on a vacation
Yes and they were going on a vacation
Oh and Ethel Ethel Ethel Ethel just like a woman
Of course she was delighted she creaked a little bit
And some old birds flew off of her
Hey Mr Tambourine Man play a song
Billy told Ethel they were going to
They were going to New York
Ethel we're going to
New York
But first they were gonna stop in Las Vegas
It's off to Las Vegas
To check out the lounges
Pull a few handles
Drink a few beers
Oh Ethel
Ethel my darling
You know that I love you
I'm glad we could have a
Vacation this year
Oh neet o
Glad we could have a
Vacation this year
They left that night crunchin' across the mojave desert
Their voices echoing through the canyons of your minds
Ethel want to get a cuppa cawfee
There's a Howard Johnsons want to eat some clams
The first noteworthy piece of real estate they destroyed was Edwards Air Force Base
And to this very day 'wing nuts' and data reduction clerks alike
Speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when
Test stand number one and the rocket sled itself got LUNCHED
By a famous mountain in and his small wooden wife
Good bye to Las Vegas
Farewell to the lounges
We pulled a few handles
We drank a few beers
Guess that George Putnam
Should be on the air now
With the biggest new story
That has broken this year
George Putnam
His biggest new story
That has broken this year
Take it away George
Word just in to the KTTV news service undeniably links
This mountain and his wife to d**g abuse
And pay offs as part of a San Joaquin Valley smut ring
However we can assure parents in the Southern California area
That a recent narcotics crack down
In Torrance Hawthorne Lomita
Westchester Playa del Rey Santa Monica
Tujunga Sunland San Fernando Pacoima Sylmar
Newhall Canoga Park
Palmdale Glendale Irwindale
Rolling Hills Granada Hills Shadow Hills Cheviot Hills
Will provide the secret evidence
The Palmdale grand jury has needed to seek a criminal indictment
And pave the way for stiffer legislation increased federal aid
And avert a crippling strike of bartenders and veterinarians throughout the inland empire
But it is this reporter's opinion that Ethel is a former Communist
Within the week Jerry Lewis had hosted a telethon
Wah wah wah nice lady
To raise funds for the injured
Injured
And homeless
Homeless
In Denver
As Billy had just levelled it and a few miles right outside of town
Billy caused a 'Oh Mein Papa' in the earth's crust
Right over the secret underground dumps where they keep the pools of old poison gas
And obsolete germ bombs just as a freak tornado cruised through
Sucking up two thirds of it
Suck suck suck
For untimely dispersal over vast stretches of WATTS
Now it was about this time I think it was right outside of Columbus Ohio that billy got his notice to report for his induction physical
Now believe me Ethel said she wasn't gonna let him go
I'm not gonna let you go billy
And george putnam the right wing creepo fascist pig newscaster from los angeles said
Take it away george putnam
The right wing fascist radical creepo pig newscaster from los angeles
We now have confirmed reports from an informed orange county minister
That ethell is still an active communist
And it's this reporter's opinion that she also practices witch craft
It was about this time that the telephone rang in the secret briefcase
Belonging to the one mortal man
Who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save 'america herself'
Now some men say he looked like
He looked like
Felix Pappalardi
Felix Pappalardi
Still others say
Others say
Bulls**t man
Bulls**t man
He was just born
He was born
Next to the frozen beef pies at Gristede's
Frozen beef pies
Still others say
Others say he was just another
Again he was just a crazy Italian
Crazy Italian
Who drove a red car
You see it was hard to tell
But nobody knows
Nobody knew for sure
For sure
He was so
So
Mysterious
Mysterious
Oh yes he was
He was so
He was so he was so
Mysterious
He was so
Mysterious
Cause when a person gets to be
Such a hero folks
And marvelous beyond compute
You can never really tell
About a guy like that
Whether he's really a nice person
Or if he just smiles a lot
What
Or if he has a son named 'pinocchio'
Or what
Whether he's really a nice person or if he has a son named 'pinocchio' or what
Some men say he could fly
Some men say he could swim
Others say he could sing
Like neil sedaka
And all the girls in flushing
Would be amazed of him
Two three
Amazed of him
Time passes
January February March July
Wednesday
August
Irwindale
2:30 in the afternoon
Sunday Monday
Funny Cars
Walnut
Friday
City of Industry
Big John Mazamanian
So when the phone rang
In the secret briefcase
Thank you
A strong masculine hand
With a wristwatch
And flexy bracelet
Grabbed it
And answered
In a deep calmly assured voice：
Yes this is he what a mountain with a tree growing off of its shoulder
You're fulla s**t man what what uh are are you sure
Oh well alright let me write this down then sorta take a few notes here to new york
Causing untold destruction
My baby my baby my baby my baby oh
My baby my baby my baby my baby
My baby my baby
My baby my baby my baby
My baby my baby
My baby my baby my baby
Wanted for draft evasion
Can I can I fly there immediately and reason with him
An expense account and per diem too
Some men say he could dance
Yes he could dance
And here it is ladies and gentlemen
The studebaker hoch dancing lesson &cosmic prayer for guidance featuring aynsley dunbar
Twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly hey
Right hand from the heart uh
Professional
Left hand from the heart uh
Exquisite
Right hand from the heart uh
Homunculus
Left hand from the left shoulder
To the heart uh
Twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly twirly hey
There were a number of rumors circulating about studebaker hoch recently
Consider if you will the rumors that have spread that he could write
The lord's prayer on the head of a pin
Some men say he could write the lord's prayer
On the head of a
Head of a
Head of a pin
Three dog night
Yeah
Other still maintain the fact
Good god
He was born next to the frozen beef pies
And that was the main influence on him
Boldly springing into action he phoned his wife
Who ran a modeling school
Whereupon she he ran around the back of 'gimbel's'
To see if he could find some big un used cardboard boxes
After which he hit up gristede's for some 'kaiser broiler foil'
Some 'aunt jemima syrup' and a pair of blunt scissors hey hey
Yes and in the parking lot across the street from the
One fifth avenue hotel
In between a pair of customized trucks where nobody was looking
He cut out a pair of really really nice wings and he covered 'em thoroughly with foil
Thoroughly with foil thoroughly with foil
Thoroughly with foil
Thorougly with foil
Thoroughly with foil
Thoroughly with with foil
Then he took those 'wings'
And wedged one under each of his powerful arms and sneaked into a telephone booth
He closed the door and he pulled down his gray denim bus driver type pants
And he spread even amounts of aunt jemima syrup all over the inside of his legs
Right underneath his boxer pretty shorts ha ha ha
Soon the booth was filling with flies
Help me help me help me
He held open the legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in
Yes and when each and every one of those little
Each and every one of those little cocksuckin' flies had gone into his boxer shorts
And was lapping up all that good aunt jemima syrup
He bent over and he put his head between his legs
And he said to those little flies in a clear impressive voice
New york
And the booth and everything lifted up out of the parking lot and into the sky
Studebaker
Yeah yeah
Studebaker
Studebaker
Studebaker
Yeah yeah
Studebaker
Studebaker
He's coating his legs
With aunt jemima syrup up and down
His shorts'll be filled with flies
That will be buzzing all around
Help me help me help me
Stoodlabaker hoch
He's really outa sight
Stoodlabaker hoch
He does it every night
Stoodlabaker hoch
He treats the flies all right
Stoodla baker hoch
That's why they never bite hey
Please to new york
Fly to new york
He could be a dog
Or a frog
Or a lesbian queen
Fly to new york
He could be a nark
Or a lady marine
Or he might play dirty
He's over thirty
Getting old say I don't know
His peculiar attire
And the flies he require
Keep leading him on
Cause ethell is gone
And the mountain she's on
Please to new york
Fly to new york
Fly to new york
I don't know
His peculiar attire
And the flies he require
Keep leading him on
Cause ethell is gone
They keep leading him on
Cause ethell is gone
And the mountain she's on
We join studebaker hoch standing on the edge of billy the mountain's mouth
Billy I've come to reason with you
Our great country needs you in the armed forces
Why it's all fair and square the lottery you know your number came up
You can't go on running like this forever
Ethell shook her twigs angrily but studebaker hoch un ferturbed continued
Listen you
Cough cough
Listen you communist son of a b***h
You better get your a*s down there for your f**kin' physical
Or I'll see to it that you get used for fill dirt
In some impending new jersey marsh reclamation
And your girl friend here will wind up disguised as a series of brooms
Primitive ironing boards
Or a dog house
Get the
Cough cough
Get the picture
Billy just laughed
Ho ho ho if they think they're gonna draft me they're crazy
Now you'd remember that studebaker hoch was standing on the edge of billy's mouth
So that when he laughed he lost his balance and unfortunately fell
Screaming two hundred feet into the rubble below
That was only one hundred feet you carnaby cutie
Let's hear another set
Which only goes to prove
A mountain is something
You don't want to f**k with
You don't want to f**k with
Don't f**k around
Don't f**k around
Don't f**k with billy
And don't f**k with ethell
You saw what just happened
To the guy with the flies
With
Biddilly biddilly
Biddilly biddilly biddilly
Biddilly
The
Mountin
Biddilly
The
Mountin
Thank you for coming to our concert
Good night
