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Bill:
I’m Bill S. Preston, Esq.! And this is Ted"Theodore" Logan!
B&T:
And we are Wyld Stallyns!
DeNomolos:
I am DeNomolos. Now . . . what is your mission?
Evil Bill:
First we totally kill Bill and Ted!
Evil Ted:
Yeah, then we take over their lives.
Evil Bill:
He’s totally a robot!
Evil Ted:
So are you, dude!
Evil Bill:
Whoa, we’re total metalheads!
DeNomolos:
Destroy that ridiculous, insipid band!
Evil B&T:
Death to Bill and Ted!
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
DeNomolos:
You fools! Are we ready?
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
DeNomolos:
You fools!
Evil B&T:
Yeah, totally!
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
DeNomolos:
You fools! Are we ready?
Evil Ted:
I’ve got a full on robot chubby.
Evil B&T:
How’s it goin’, Bill and Ted?
Bill:
Ted... it’s us again!
Ted:
Whoa!
Bill:
You’re metal, dude!
Evil Bill:
I know! Check it out! We’re totally gonna kill you now!
B&T:
Whoa...
Evil Bill:
Ha ha ha!
Ted:
Dudes, even though you’re doing this, we... we...
Bill:
We love you!
Evil B&T:
Fags!
Bill:
You dick, Bill!
Evil Bill:
I know! Let’s waste ‘em.
B&T:
Aaaahhhhh!!!
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
Rufus:
Bogus
Evil Bill:
Stellar, Evil Ted!
B&T:
No way!
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
Rufus:
Bogus
Bill:
Yeah!
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
Rufus:
Bogus
Evil Bill:
Stellar, Evil Ted!
B&T:
No way!
Evil Bill:
I totally loogied on that good, dead me!
Ted:
Bill, what happened?
Bill:
Ted, we’re dead, dude!
B&T:
Whoa!
Ted:
Who are you?
Bill:
Ted, it’s the Grim Reaper, dude!
Ted:
Oh. How’s it hangin’, Death? We’ve got to get back to the babes!
Bill:
Ted, we can’t . . . we’re dead, dude!
Ted:
We’ve got to stop those evil us’s! We’ve gotta try!
Bill:
But how?
B&T:
Melvin!
Reaper:
They melvined me!
Ted:
Dude, I totally broke a rock!*
Bill:
Excellent!*
Ted:
I kinda like this* . . . Who’s that?
Bill:
Ted, who do you think it is?
Ted:
How’s it goin’, Beelzebub? Excellent rocks!*
Bill:
We totally broke some.*
Ted:
Okay, can we go now?
B&T:
Whoa!
Bill:
Thanks dude! You know, you’ve got a bad rap.
Colonel Oates:
Gentlemen! Welcome to Hell!
Ted:
Dude.
Bill:
What?
Ted:
I think we’re in our own personal hell!
Easter bunny:
You stole Deacon’s Easter basket!
Little Ted:
No way!
Granny S. Preston, Esq:
How about a kiss?
Little Bill:
Bogus!
Bill:
You ugly red source of all evil!
Granny S. Preston, Esq:
All I want is one! Right on the lips!
Colonel Oates:
Get back here!
B&T:
AHHHHHH!!!!!! WHOAAAAA!!!!!!!
Bill:
That was non-non-non-non heinous!
Evil Bill:
You suck, dude!*
Bill:
Do something else, dude!*
Ted:
Yeah!*
Bill:
Not bad, dude!
B&T:
Excellent!
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
Bill inside Sergeant:
Whoa, donuts!
Ted inside Captain Logan:
I totally possessed my dad!
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
Ted inside Captain Logan:
Excellent!
Bill inside Sergeant:
I totally believe you, dude!
Reaper:
Get down with your bad self!
Bill inside Sergeant:
Whoa, donuts!
Ted inside Captain Logan: I totally possessed my dad!
Bill:
You totally killed us, you evil metal dickweed!
Evil Bill:
That’s right, lesser developed human prototype us’s!*
Bill:
Let’s get ‘em, Ted!
Ted:
Ahhhhh, yeah, no!
Colonel Oates:
Get ‘em Granny!
B&T:
We’ve got to face them.
Colonel Oates:
Now get going!
Various moans and groans of fears being defeated.
Bill:
Kiss your fears, dudes!
Ted:
Or offer ‘em a honeybun or something. And they’ll get smaller and maybe they’ll even go away!*
Bill:
Yeah, they’re not that bad, dude. So don’t get programmed by anybody but yourself!*
B&T:
Let’s rock!
Rufus:
And most important, do not do your homework without wearing headphones!
Evil B&T:
Catch you later, Bill & Ted!
Colonel Oates crying.
