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I wish you blue birds in the spring
Take you your heart the song to see hello
Everyone welcome back to magic kive
How you doing today i hope you all well so its definitely been a while
I am so sorry that i have been in touch ch or quite bit it you
You know life can get get little bit messy and hactic
Sometimes you know basically i just had a loof work to do
But 对对anyway here i am sitting in my bedroom
The weather is absolutely lovely and gorgees at the moment in shanghai
Ive got my coffee with me and ready to chair a bit
I dont know wewhere you are right now now youre more than welcome to get yourself self a lanlanket crap
Yourself a cup of drink
Yeah just sit back and relax
And have a warm and cothe chat with me and do i love me day to call you in some figure
I wish you home and for the world
I ish h love
Recently ive discovered something quite interesting about myself
Which is that i actually really enjoy being alone
Im doing things alone
I dont know why there is
I think a part of it definitely has to be my introversion
But i just feel like the older
I get the more
I start to realize how important it is for all of us
Whether youre in your that say twenty eighties
Thirthirty or even in your eigheighties not only just just okay with doing things on your own
But to really enjoy be olove
Because i know it sounds a it odd
Because i really
Really something people openly talk about and given that were living in a culture west social connection is highly promoted since we are very young age so dont give me wrong im not anmpty social
I dont hate people and to be quite fair
I would say that some of the best live moments
Ive had so far are with people so im not saying this to argue against or to um sort of dismised the importance of connecting with people and engaging in social activities
Im to saying that while were busy making ourselves seen by others
While were busy fighting for attention in a world
That demands us to be constantly performative
Its equally important at least for me to call out space and time for ourselves
So that we get to really know the person
That im going to spend the rest of my life with
And that person is me
So thats what im going to talk about today
Im going to talk about the importance of being alone
And how has not only just helped me become more independent but also more emotionately resilient when dealing with crisis 对对
And how i has made me realized that knowing how to enjoy being alone and doing things alone is probably one of the most valuuable life lessons
Ive learned so far
I feel like nowadays most people hate doing things by themselves
Lets say if you see people out there eating alone in a fancy restaurant
And you might look at the maybe like
Oh
That person probably doesnt have any friends or how embarrassing i will never be able to eat by myself without having any company 秘密
I think its quite normal and understandable for people to feel that way
Because deep down
We dont want to to be left out
We dont want to be seen
As different as someone who doesnt fit in
And also because we were told from a very young age
That being loud and popular
And knowing how to be sociable is a better way to live your life
So we literally have no choice but to follow the crowd
Not because its valuable for us in any way
But because its a way to survive if you look at social media
Which is a perfect example for this everybody is fighting to be the centre of the universe
So we post and share things
Not because we really want to
But because itll get a small likes it dont make us feel seen and popular
But the irony is that
The more you spend your life
Or the more you depend your life on others
The more you need other people to validate you and your experience
The less you feel comfortable in your own skin and by constantly chasing after what other people think and want from you
Your risk losing sight of who you are as a person
Which is never ever a healthy approach to how you live your life
So thats why i believe that knowing how to be comfortable with spending time completely on your own or doing things
That only bring you joy and delight
But not only just important but also essential to our existence
But having that that i have to say that being alone has also been very very hard for me
Its not something i can easily switch and on enough i remember i had to work
Really really hard at being okay with doing things by myself and not relying are the people so ill give you a story for the first two years of living and studying in ukii spent so much time trying to avoid staying with myself
Just because i was so afraid of missing out
I was so afraid of missing out on life and connections
So in order to for in in order to not feel like an outsider i would spend days after days hang out with people at pubs going out day and i drinking and clubbing because living by myself in a foreign country
Where you knew nothing about can make you feel incredibly naked and uncomfortable
So i had no choice but to put myself out there but over time i realized
But i didnt actually enjoy any of that i never liked going out that much
The idea of socializing with people all the time and constantly engaging in small talks
That dont really mean anything really started to exhaust me
And the more you do it
The more you start to see
No one is actually that genuinely interested in knowing who you are and where you are really from because we all have our own preconceived ideas and judgements about what they want to see
So the more i spend times with people
The less time i had for myself
Which as a result led me to extreme loneliness and depression
I think this might relate a lot of you like when you out with people
I dont know if you have that feeling before especially as a teenager
Its very hard to be you
You always feel the obligation to appeal to please
To blend in because deep down youre not truly convinced
That youll be accepted and loved
Unconditionally
And someone who just coming from another side of the world
Locked down days during the pandemic in london
Were probably the worst my mental health has ever been so much time trapped alone in a city
Where i knew almost no one far from my country
Far from my parents
Far from my childhood friends
I remember i dont know what to do with myself anymore
All i want to to do
Or was to escape
To escape from this fear of being alone
But it wasnt until then that i finally had this epiphanany
That being trapped in locked down
Wasnt actually
The problem
The problem was me
Because i was so used to having people around and to a point
Where i didnt know how to live with myself anymore
And then he suddenly dawn on me
That maybe it was time to face the reality
I thought to myself
Maybe the lonelineiness i felt was trying to teach me something
Something that reminds me of what it means to be alive
That apart from people
I can also be the person who brings me joy and happiness
So since then ive started to become more comfortable in doing things alone and being alone
I found so much joy and happiness
In doing things like dancing by myself in a room
Or cooking and making nourishing meals to make myself feel warm and healthy
Or taking myself on solo dates
Travelling alone
Visiting and our gallery which just simply sitting alone in a park
Doing absolutely
Nothing i remember straight after the lockdown
I took myself on a solo trip to barccelona in spain
It wasnt until then that i finally realize how much ive grown and how strong and independent that become through doing things alone
That was such an eopening experience
Because it told me something so profound about life
It taught me that life can actually be felt so different
When youre not with someone else
Because when youre alone
You get to be an observer
You get to experience things from the completely different perspective
You start to notice things that are small and yet beautiful
You get to be raw
Be human and be vulnerable with your thoughts
And most importantly you gota be who you are without the external al asade
Growing as a female
I feel like would never encourage to do things alone
We have this minds set
Thinking that the world is somehow too dangerous for girls to be out there trying new things and being brave
So we pull back
We wait for others
To tell us what to do and what not to do
But in order to know ourselves in our worth in a world full of distractions
We must let go of our attachment to others
We must learn to spend a lot of time alone
Whether its being single for the first time or going back home
Late in night
Without fearing about being stalked
Even though doing these things alone is not only mentally but also physically frightening
So i think its not just this internal idea that we must get over with as women
But some real work that the public and the society must put in to help us feel safe
When being alone
So heres what i want to say to all of you
Whether youre a girl or a boy
A man or a woman
You dont have to go to that party
You dont have to constantly hang out with people
Even when you dont feel like it
You dont always need a boyfriend
To tell you that youre beautiful
You dont have to ask your friends or your parents
Permission to go to anywhere
You dont have to share everything in your life
Just to feel seen every experience
We have doesnt need to be with people to it
To be meaningful
Because by doing this alone
We learn more about ourselves
We become more independent and confident
Because by who we are without feeling the pressure to be validated by the world
好的 对的
对对对
对的那个
Looking back on the moments
When i was alone
Even though they was scary horrifying at the moment
I came up on the other end
A better person
A more open flexible and emotionately resilient person
And that is really worth it okay
So i really wanted to end this episode by giving you a few questions
To think about number one do you enjoy spending time alone
Or do you find it terrifying and frightening
Lets say if you do
Would you start to try and spend more time doing things alone
Thank you so much for listening
I hope you enjoy it as much much as i did was ssuch a delight pouring my heart and thoughts and feelings into making this because
Yeah
This is just something i care
So deeply deeply about i just want you to know that all the love and care
You give yourself can and will stay with you forever
So just keep on nuttering yourself
Its really really worth
It take care be well and all see minunext one bye a cause siver to keep you
But most double but i ish you love 啊
