Fast Food (Explicit)-Jim Gaffigan

Fast Food (Explicit)

歌手:Jim Gaffigan

时间:2009-03-31

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I haven't eaten in like 40 minutes that's weird for me

American's we love to eat

You know

When we're not eating we're chewing gum

We're litteraly practicing eating

Yeah I've got a big meal coming up

Training for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving that is all about overeating

I mean one of the main dishes is actually called stuffing

Stuffing

What names have they turned down

Cram it in

Eat 'till you can't breath

Am I the only one who doesn't feel comfertable that stuffing is cooked inside a dead animal

Shove a loaf of bread up there ump delicious

Kind of a humiliating way to go out for the turkey

You're going to kill me

Oh it's going to get a lot worse

You do not want to know

My problem is that I love all of the food that's bad for you like bacon

We know you like bacon

Fried chicken have you ever put a peice of fried chicken on a napkin and you come back and the napkin has turned into liquid

Fried chicken can't be good for you really

I mean one of the serving sizes is bucket

Bucket

Isin't that how we feed farm animals

Yeah I'll have a bucket of fried chicken a silo of Pepsi and a trough of pig slop

Make the pig slop diet

Speaking of pig slop have you tried one of those KFC bowls

It's like KFC as a corperation decided

You know all our crap just tastes the same why don't we just throw it in a bowl And I'll tell you it's delicious

There's a layer of mashed potatoes a layer of corn a layer of cigarette butts a couple apple cores

It's like Charlotte's Web

Where's Templeton

Popeyes is my favorite fried chicken

I love Popeyes

I love that name

Oh I get it Popeye was a sailor and your food goes through me like a torpedo that makes sense

Popeye ate spinach and now I have Dysentery

Popeye had muscles and I can't stand up

Maybe they aren't talking about the cartoon character Popeye maybe they're talking about what happens to your eyes after you eat the food

I've got to go to the bathroom

I eat the fast food I do

It's amazing how your attitude on fast food changes

When you're a kid it's your favorite place

As an adult you look at fast food like someone you used to date

I can't beleive I ever went there

Then the next night

Well it's late and I'm drunk so

We're all so embarassed to eat fast food

Do you ever go in and everybody's seating by themsleves hunched over wearing a ski mask

Don't tell my wife I'm here

They know we're embarrased to eat fast food that's why they invented the drive thru

Look no one has to see you just drive around the back and we'll hand it out the window

That drive thru is pretty convenient right

Except for that final stretch to get your food

Like can you bring your building closer to my car

Do I have to do everything

What a pain in the a*s

Why is he reaching out the passenger's side of the car

Those fast food places are just so fast and easy that they've ruined me for regular restauraunts

Whenever I'm at a regular resteraunt I'm always like let's see I will order the hamburger where is it Sir how would you like your hamburger done

Right now where is it

And can you wrap it in paper so I feel like I'm opening a present

Or maybe put it in a styrofoam clam shell and present it like an engagement ring *gasps*I do

Too bad all of the food in fast food places is so bad for you

I love how there's the option of a milkshake

Well I shouldn't but I'm in a hurry so I'll get a burger and fries and to drink I'll have the large cup of meled ice cream

Do you have an EKG machine back there

Most restauraunts try to set a mood

You go in there and you're like

I feel like I'm in a Tuscan Villa

Fast food places are brightly lit smell like disinfectant furnatures bolted down

Where am I a mental institution

We've got to get out of here

I love the fast food

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