Cancer (Explicit)

Agony just festers; push it down 'til a cancer eats through

IV drips don't work now, ripping at my flesh 'til I'm blue

I know I'm not enough, I know I'm just stuck

Feels like I've lost myself in the abstract of my story

Guess it didn't matter 'cause I hate that person

Didn't want to be him, didn't want to see him

But he just breathes inside of me

Like he is the cancer; he is the one who deceived me

When I thought I was getting better—deceived me when I thought I was getting fed up

Of my life, my aspirations, dancing above me like it's the ghost of you

It's the curse I deal with, the hearse I fill; I place my body in two Yeah,

I've made my bed with this situation, so I'll stay inside, losing my patience

With me.

What a godsend—this dissociation's real

What a mistake; I thought I could just feel

More emotion, but it seems that I am lost Yeah, I think I should have given up

I should have given up I’ll never, I’ll never give me up

I fall, I fall 'cause I'm sick

(I'm never getting up, never getting up)

No one can help me with it

(I find I'm always stuck, yeah, I'm always stuck)

I break and break, then I sink

(I'm never getting up, never getting up)

I try to run, but it sticks

(I find I'm always stuck, yeah, I'm always stuck)

Tell me, does it get better than this?

They say it doesn't; what's the point of all of it?

Try to be me, but it don't work

Every day I find I get a little worse

Try to make sense of this, try to make sense of my own hell

It doesn't really matter anymore; I couldn't tell

The more you stay here, the more you fit in

It gets comfy while they eat at my skin

Try to go to therapy for depression—it's been a bit over fifteen years

I'm sick of this; I want to be happy, but how do I just change myself?

I want to be that kid who smiles again, but who was that back then? How do I remember

Anything of me from back then? 'Cause that person is gone—that person is dead.

I struggle to find myself on the daily, living in this house where everything is hazy

I can't believe this fog just moved with me; I wish it was clearer, I wish I had the guts to leave

But I never did, so you find joy in removing my body parts

Just hang me up and around your walls, until you just know that you've had enough.