A Question of Language

歌手：飞天胡说

专辑：The Overshare 英文播客

时间：2024-05-31

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A Question of Language 专辑《The Overshare 英文播客》飞天胡说

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Hi there

My name is paul wade

This is the overshare podcast

I'm joined with my guest i'm off jones

I'm the gueguest this week of h yeyep forecast

Thanks you forfor good you

You been a thanks thanks for joining um

Arthur

Where are you

What's going on

I'm sitting here right now at uum in my parents sort of study slash dining room uh and h they still live with your parents

Still live with my friends in the wilds of win control

I'm ii can look at the window

There is a good table out there

There are a heades and trees and grass

And it's very beautiful

Yes

So we're doing a remote episode

Because arthur decided to leave me um to go to link and shirer

I know what did you do

Why did you go there

I'm actually on a jobs

So i came back to do some work some filming

A secret project of which i shall tell you more later

Yeah

Secret times

So i did that

And then i you know

And then it's

It was great to come back and see family

So my

My son is in london

And my parents are up in in lincolenchir

And it's very nice and very quite

I mean it

This probably sounds more like a studio

Than we've ever had before in a place

That we set up to be like a studio

But that's

Because there's no noise

If it isn't like a dog barking

A crow crowing or a cco caaking

Then it's um ool yeah

Then it's

Then it's very

Very quiet

Here that's the upside downside

The internet is painfully slow

That's the upside downside

Yeah

Um so did yeah

I always noticed when i go back

When i leave china

The silence

The defining silence of being in a non megatrooulous

Um is really startling

Um takes a while

They get used to i remember when i was a kid

Because i grew up we weit

You know is born in us

In a big town

A small city

But then over the years we move to more or more rural

You know locations

And it got quieter and quieter

And i there's always

I've always had friends

Who said to me

You know the if city folk they go to the countryside

That i it's like definitely quiet

It's almost painful

I feel worried this side

I feel like somethings about to go wrong

And i do have this feeling actually for the first few days after i get back um

Where the sort of a part of me

That's like holding on to the sounds and sites of the city

And it feels like i'm sof braced for something to go go wrong or embraced like a panic go braced ed a bit it of city speed uh and that it doesn't come

And then i relax after few days

Sort of like an emotional jet leg

Yeah It is

It is a weird kind of boon

It's a weird d kind of eyes

Yes for me

But i'm

I appreciate

I appreciate at the same time unlike

Well

This is actually really cool

I feel alone in a way that i'm not used to that's kind of refreshing

But speaking of city speed

Yeah I was

I made it

We're doing this podcast episode remote tely i made arthurate

I was late

I was hanging out with bint and kirk

Shut out kirkhe loves the show fanantastic architect

He works with build shanghai our sponsors huge huge fans of the show

They

They're calling me all the time tell me how much they love the show build build our

Our no crual sponses and yeah

Thanks to them for doing that

Yeah

But i took the bus

I'm want the bus coming back

I'm late

And um there's this thing where people are you there's two seats in a row

And it's really tight seating

And they sit on the outer seat

I mean the bus is going to be full

The bus is always full

So many people are standing

But they sit on the outer seat

So in order to get into the inner seat

They almost have to like stand up

It's a big hublob

And i think that these people color blue should be arrested

It's a wholly blue

And they should be arrested

And taken some kind

Kind prison camp p don't think

Think they should um punished severely

I think you need to sit on the inside of seat of the row

Well

They don't want the window

Yeah

They don't want to beat the window

They worried about them being to get off the bus later

But it is a problem

That

That hidden in a seat

That's empty and in someone in the auto sea

It's painful

So it's just like you just make i just it's really hard to get into that seat

But do you let me ask your question tion this are you di can't believe you're defending

I can't believe you're

You're taking this i take

I telling why

Because i have a feeling tell me from right i you a window seater

I think you might i feel you heare when you get on a plane

Do you naturbook ook the windows seed

I do like a windoseed

Yes i do like a window

This is what

It's

It's about

So i started off as a window sitter

So i always got

I always got the window seat on a plane

On a bus side

Like sitt in the window

I definitely don't want to be the middle one in the back seat of a ccar

I want the window

I wanted the window

And for some reason at some point

I became an ile sitter

And now ever i want to sit in the outseed

So why would you sit by the window

If you don't know

When somebody else is gna come on

You want to sit in the city

You want which is the eye seed

Why would you go in to the window

When you don't want the window

Just for someone

Who's a fantasy person

Who 'might get help have the transportation

This is

This is public transportation

我我们

We're all

We're all this together

我们都挤在一起

It's

It's a

It's a common curtesy

It's like basic john steward milill ethics

Here you just

You just take the inside seat

And yeah

It's

Maybe you're onna be a little bit harder for you to get out

But just before you're stop

You just get out

Well you've already brought gsm in this

Um which was a killer move

I think

But yeah

On the bus

I was listening

I was watching some classic as and l the will ferial thing

Where he's george w bush

That's

That were talking about rural areas

I'm from texas

So he was doing the

The george w bush welfir l remember that one says he ys

Hey

America

You've caught me mending my finences remember that

It's so good

But i was

What i was doing it if george bush we're learning chinese came to china

I name

Name me tile

Name me on hale

我是

我是name 呃

那个

My god zhnton town george w bush 德lazo

我是barreack

Barrack

Obama 的前rean chrenon zone ton town 这个name

Name

这个中国是非常黑暗的一个地方

Does that would be george versia's little speech as he arrives on

On the tarmac

I don't know how we go to obama from that

I'm sure

What we do that he was think

你们先听吧

你们先听

I got to practice obama

Oh Well

That's great we ii quick shouter by the way i mean this is we should mention your your character

The trofian man

The chirofian man

He's a

Yeah

He's a texas man

Who he's a ranture

Her he does ctles he uns cattle blue geninees and he's the parjan

非常琉利的john win

Yeah

He does he studied after rozzat ststone ing

The software rose at a stone on his bail

He didn't use do a lingoo on a dish top

He got a floppy desk

He got bloppit s at six hundred hours of chinese studying need done real good

He became really really real good

对对

他的中文文是非常流泪非常流泪非常流璃

Check out the truth

I man

Maybe we should have put a link on the we should official account t think we share the

The lan man think people enjoy that very good what should we do of a proper

Thanks here to our sponsibility shanghai

Who have a lot of great spaces available in all of a shanghai offices

Galleries

Restaurants

And so on if you'd like to check out what they have available

Which we ourselves are very much done we are in a build shanghai building

When we're not in rural linkature and at home

Um go check out the website built your hydole com

And see how they can help great friends of the show shot out

Well i was great

So we take a minute to explain a bit about who we are pall what you give this a crack

We are a call and show where you you

You live as voice messages

And we respond um sometimes uh we just we we get off topic

And we start talking about other stuff

It's kind of about china

It's kind of about relationships

Yeah

We want to help

We want to hear what you're thinking ah this going really

Really Or

Or aci

I really is one of the better what is this again one of better

Better is give you''ve ve ven questoday which had official account

The overshare um fatin who sure or to the email address

The overshare at one six three dot com great

I said that in a kind of radio and t's away one six three dot com you kind of do that something one six three dococom keep questions fairly short

Uh don't ramble on as much as as do maybe be twenty thirty

Thirty seconds will be great under that

But

But overshare

But please overshare

But please be thirty seconds

Tell me who you think should be arrested

Okay 对对对

Tell me who you think should be arrested and thrown in a prison camp

For what other people think is normal behavior

What what is that reference to how i said the people who take the outside sea to be through

Ihi know i don't really listen to the intro things

You don't really listen to me

Well i know i get it no

They also people who make their engines louder on purpose can go to the same prison camp

As the people to the the outcat don't know

Yeah

That's pretty good

That's a pretty good

But now

Yeah

I'm surprised

I'm not taking their site

Well i have my own ones

I used to say

But i did i believe yes

That's less now

But i used to say

We could clear up a lot of problems than this world by getting rid of anyone who drives a black oudy

That's very specific

It's thanks

Take a break and woming come back back adstraight into listener question in the same where i live

Most of the people who do things like yard work and housesekeeping um are typically from mexico or south america

And many of them speak spanish

Many of them only speak spanish

And when someone is over at the house

Moaning on dling network

I will typically just say olah or um

I will just try to speak spanish almost immediately

But then sometimes they wonder if that might offend them

Because i shouldn't just assume that they can't speak english

Just because they look a certain way and are doing your work

So you think i should speak fully speak english

And then if they have trouble understanding it

Then i try to switch to spanish

So a question about language

And whether it's appropriate to jump into someone's self to someone elsey's language

Because you speak it

And you want to kind of be friendly

But is it about that

Sometimes if you like when we jump into someone else's language

It's kind of your signalling

Hey

I speak your language isn't that cool

There's a little bit of the poser to it

I think sometimes right

You're feeling used like

You're just using me to try to show offer something it for me all this depends on

On a

On an attitude

There's a certain way to speak to someone

But yeah i guess for actual

I think for the color

They should say the color should say you know i about last english

Why do the old do do speak english

What about

What about not going do speak english

What about saying abbross is penyou all did i just make that

Did i say that correctly do you speak spanish

Um h as well well obviously spespeak annish

Now that would be the polite ting to say i'm not going to assume you speak spanish

I'm going to check if you do

I'm going to speak spanish to you

If they reply and say what i do

But i'd rather speak english and you go to english

I think my think about this is i feel like it's

It's about sensitivity that's like too deep

Well i'm going straight in deep with this

Because you know if you live that's like two too many layers

I think if you live in a country

Where your language is not the main language

So you know english is not the main language

You always have to deal with this

If this is interesting

Because yesterday i was talking of my mom about this issue

And she was telling someone else sort of proudly about the fact

That at some point we had gone about at some city

Someone eln we'd gone

And we were buying some

I think we went to supermarket on the way back we droppby by chchinese restaurant sattached a chinese supermarket

That i think most people don't know about it's a very small place kind of in the ethe edge of lincoln

And we ordered an nice set them

Let's get some

Let's get some milk tea

And i think we had some some one ton as well

And in the course of buying it

We switched into chinese

I guess i probably spoke chinese

But she was telling it like yeah

Probably ii can't probably

I guess it was me

She probably wasn't like

This random white dude in engerer could speak chinese is just

Just wish i think it was you that's right

But what mom m saying is that they were really surprised

Visible

That we turned up

I don't

I guess they don't get many people who aren't chinese in there

You know who want to chinese students coming to get a fix of home food um

And then secondly that i spoke chinese

But i don't feel such uncomplicated things about it

Because forcing someone to speak the language

That you've studied out of context in their country

But and going in a country

Where

Where the native language is a different food

Wewe're an english speaking environment

I'm

I'm going to force on them speking chinese for what it's sort of obvious that i'm trying to learn chinese or tell them that i'm different from other people

Because i speak chinese

I mean it is possible

Obviously to overthink this

But i guess this is what this listener is

Is chchon

Which is when you speak someone else 's 's language is okay to just assume

And then

And try have a go in that language to see if you can have a conversation with them

没有没有

For me

I feel like sometimes when i was back in the states

And i would speak chinese to chinese people

Some of them would absolutely love it

And it was a really wonderful experience

And some of them would be like slightly uncomfortable or like on the other end would be like kind of annoyright

It's kind of like a what what you think i can speak english

It's like especially i think because of america and probabty uk basically as as there's a lot of immigration

It's kind of like there's a lot of pressure

Spespeengengsh sh

Maybe they've received some

If their english isn't good good received some some poor treatment by locals

So yeah

I think it's

But i'm always like no

I'm not assuming you don't speak english

I just am speaking chinese

Right now

Right so like there

You don't

You

You need

Need get bother to or annoid

Well i used to have the same

When i

When i was first in

When i was first in china to avoid constantly

And it happened a lot more in those days

Having people you know come up and speaking lish sh sort ort practice they are english with me

Which i did a fair amount

I mean

I think people you know it's i was ok with it

But just sometimes i feel ii don't want to do an english lesson

Now i don't want to i am living in china

I'm the one who's made the effort to live in a foreign country

I'd rather speak chinese

Um so so i would say to people sometimes in chinese

When they came up so so to be english

I'm french

Sorry

I don't speak english

Which is weird anyway

Because most non chinese speaking english if you're living in another country

You know it's just the second language that people tend to have

But i was say i am sorry

And then once it really

It went wrong

I was on the subway

And i said to someone oam i'm sorsh

I don't speak english

I'm french

And they switched into flu and french 对不对

Immediately

Which ii was barely able to do at that point

So i just had to be very no strong with them

And

Yeh like that see i still got french itable

This

This topic has driven me absolutely up the wall in the past

It's the thing

Where um i aa we're

I'm speaking chinese with someone

With

With chchineperperson

They're conconstantly speaking engliengenglish me

Me and their english is way worse than mine

And it's like they're really pushing it

I think it's a weird push poll has a

That is has a lot of layers to the communication

I'm cool with speaking english to anyone

But as long is there like if they give two

Where they're like a week can speak chinese

Like i'm coospeak in chinese with you

Then i'm like okay

It's like almost test them i'm testing everyone or you cool speak in chinese with me

If so then it's like

I can give on the english all day long let's this is we're both maneeuuvering this thing together

But if they're really rigid and forced in the english

I used this

I used to be like let's see

How long this can go

Where i'm speaking your language to you

And you're speaking my language to me

Cause i think it gets really

I used it get really angry good this

And i said one that bothers me is

I think i mean if you're meeting somebody on the strstranger or it's a friend

Then there's sort of aa it of aa bit of a dance about which languguage you end up in you know as you say a it of push and poul

The one that does bother me is

When it's for something you know it's in a shop

And i'm buying something and

And i've gone up and spoke chchinese

And asked for something i'm one know we're chchi'i've one to and speak king chinese

I can speak chinese

And then they're trying to speak to me in english

And i often wonder

Yeah have they

They been told to speak english to farners

Or is this something where they fear like they ought too

Or they taking it as a chance to learn some english

So what's

What's going on

Something quite complicate i think is going on

There's also this thing where

Like i used to be remembered with my chinese x

We would go out and meet et friends ds then

Then ''d be talking as a group in chinese for a while

And then her friend would look at her and be like tosonanai er know know like when i'm right right

I'm right here

Dude i'm right here

My wife's getting more busy

And we have nice sex right now

So what can i do

Pack up your belongings toothpaced medication

Leave for work

Put it actually put the suitcase right outside your door in the hall way hide it somewhere

And go to sleep

Wake up in the morning

Leave for work go to the bank drain out

When your

Your accounts

And then um move to dli and just disappear

And maybe if you're not ready for that just a clean just divorce

It's over right

And you heard it here

You heard it here

I like that

I like that by the way

I like what he was supposed to pack and in suooitcase which was toothpaace and medication

Yes

But really really ii want to say have you

You have you told her this

Have you asked this question tion don't know

Have you talked her about this have you ve been a good boy and please so for question like this in the future a little more detail would really help like as in

If you have talk to your wife

Let

Let us know what she said like

Be like ai did talk my wife

And she said yeah

Yeyebe

Maybe

Mayybe 's worwored about

About speaking to the wife

He said of looking for a way to do that i mean how would he

What would you say to a

To a partner

If this was the problem

So you could say hello

Wife

I've nonoed ed 've been you know really busy at work um

I want to support you

And that you're doing great um

But i notice we've been having a little less special time love touch

And i

I'm just wondering

Is there anything i can do to get that spark going again right

I get that love touching back in my life

It make sense

I think that's good

I mean

I think having a conversation

And i guess it depends a bit on the two of you in your dynamic

I would start

I would definitely throw in something along the lines

If i really miss the times

When we did the physicals more yeah

And it's again definitely the important part is framing it not in a blaming way

Yes

Not

And know what's the deal

You don't do this

We don't

We're not doing this anymore like any kind of pressured just be like kay ii misss that

Like that was really nice

And i'm wondering

What could get it going

Ah Maybe

Maybe i'm

I'm okay with this being

The case at the moment you know

But i'm looking forward to it

Whenever you're ready

I'm here kind of thing

I'm

I'm ready for it to start again

Whenever let's not make it awkward

You know it's something we can talk about

And i'm

I'm not for it

Whenever you're ready or just don't talk about it

And

And a bunch of toys

And just bust him about some night oyou be specific basing it in the reality of life

These are all

Thank you

I don't know

I'm wto a go with happiness

I feel like the other ones

It's like a pyramment

Where happiness is at the top

And you kind of

You kind of get all the ones below it in order to be happy

I don't know

I feel like that's the point of life

And know it sounds cliche y really really does um it really does

Thanks for your support

Well

I'm gonna

I don't want to be an examviviilatatbut

I think they're different categories

I mean maybe put family and job as two things

Money surely comes from job

Unless you are from very wealthy family

So money i guess could have come from what those two

But here we got family and job

Money seems to me to be the result to be the family or job and happiness

I'm tell you

You integrate the family and money thing

You're got a marry creative family basase creative family based swell wealth

But what i'm saying is that

I feel like these like first of all why do we need to deciwhat what does it mean that

That one would be more important

Are they incontradiction to each other

Is that

Is that part of your family

Who doesn't like you doing the job

You're doing

They don't think you have enough money

What does the happiness come in

It's sometimes these you know the

These rankings

These list

I don't think are particularly helpful

Why would that

Why they in competition

What's that is there a limit to the amount

We can care about things

I want it know all right yeah

There was like a parenting question

That was going around

Would you prefer your kids to be happy good or successfree yeah

And i guess just saying all free yeah

And i you're just trying to say something

You're just like taking apart the question

Because 嗯的you heard me actually gian answer

And it sounded so cleicsure

You couldn't give one

You had to just take a part

You had to get the root

To get it

The root of your problems

Well No

I suppose what i'm doing is i sometimes think these ways of analyzing things are particularly useful

Why

Why is one against another

And what's the point in weime m against each other

Anyway like what what is

What is the ranking

Here i get the thing with the kids about uh

You want them happy

Successful

What was it wealthy um

Good good happy or succecess

Because those three are three different oranges

But what will look at happiness

Family

Money and job are apples and pass

You know that different things and oranges

So they're hard to

To igh up against each other

If i had to pick

I would say that you would

I would want to put family higher up the list

Then um than marmani

But that it's such a slippery

Such a slippery thing

Because they all have different meanings

And they become more of priority at different times

But yeah

I would say putting all of these together managed being

Managing them all theyall really important aspects of life

Putting them mall together eium

And i think just a balance of them all in the right way for you will bring you happiness

But maybe i'm the one that says was quick to say happiness is the most important thing

And maybe now i'm wondering

Maybe that's a recipe for unhappiness

So we saying in the end

The best answer is to say it's best if you have family

Money and some job

Happy Yeah

But i what about health

He didn't did he say health

I'h did he say that

I think i mised that

If you don't have your health

You got you can't have any the other things

So that is true

Ii didn't hear him saying health

And missed that well i isn't princece pride

If you don't have your health

You don't have anything

So i said that in prince's pride

I think so happenting

Compenting

Yeah

So i mean if they say in princess priright it must be true

It is i think we go health

And is that it do we actually have an answer to this

You're going health

I'm doing happiness

Okay okay

Next question sake it to ssake of the edit

Hello

飞天波说说

You know last week i had a sad break up with my boyfriend

I shared some tears for a day and a week later i went straight back onto dating apps

And i altered my biile from aa year ago in introduction

I basically listed that i let food enjoy travelling

Also enjoy sets

Do you think when people read this they were d think that i'm slutghty

Or do you think it's artist and respectful

I asked ai or no

I asked chat gpt and its answer was a food and trouelling

That's all good but changed the the six word to enjoy life to the fullest what do you think well

If they

If they say

If they say you're luughty

Because uh you enjoy

Enjoy special love touch

Then um i think that's problem

Problem is this one of the great filtis of life

Yeah

When you just being honest about something

And then a certain number of people reject you

Yeah

You're just being honest about something

That would have come up later anyway

So um i think it's a time saaber right

Let them

Let them think it's luughy

I think there's just some men that are on there looking for special time love touch right

And so that will be if they see that the'll be like oyeah i mean

And then they may act as if they're interested in other things

But really only thinking about that one thing and just kind of waiting for the time to get it

Of course

I think it's a nice thing to put on your profile

I think it's normal um yeah

First of all sht out to the color

Sorry about your break up

Yes

That sound

That sucks

We we

It faitting who sure we we uh we stand by people with breakup

Well as we know

I think wewe've

We've mentionthis before

But i think all the best people have

Have big break ups

You know booo socks to the people who married their high school sweet heart

And they'd never had the heart broken

And i use the apps

And i think i feel i come sincerely looking for an actual relationship

And if i just from a person

If i were to see that

I would not be like

This is a slit

Let's

Let's go for yeah

I would think it's a normal thing to say

And she's comfortable

She's comfortable with her physical yeah

And actually that's a plus like

Of course

I would want my potential partner to enjoy that

So i mean to it

But of course this is n't mame thinking of the opposite

Which is those profiles

That are just

Just showing clevage and just close ups of a of aa but in a thong and then real relationship only no fwb

If you just want

If you just want physicals

You know

Get it get at here

Don't swap on me

When it's like you just sholling your physicals only

But it just like this is

This is a swipe on the left were going left with a lot of mixed signals

So i think

Especially if your

I think

If your photos are normal of just nice photos of you in your life

Not especially revealing

I think it's

It's fine to have a one sexy photo or not that supersexy

But one that's not conservative um is that the pictures really say more than the words ever do anyway for me

Right i mean once it's going to turns out the humans of one of nature's most complicated creatures

How do you feel about the idea of staying together for the kids

Do you think it's actually better for the kids

I am also not a father

Nor a hubby

But i often think if the child is being raised in a under a parents with a super toxic abusive relationship uh and the parents could separate and not be as toxic and not give this super toxic model of parents of relaships to their children

It's probably better that they separate um

But i don't know there re's so many levels of this right like what if they're kind of parents that wanted divorce

But they're still very friendly

But maybe they can you know what there's a simillion ways to do with this

But i think at the extreme

If it's really bad between the parents

I don't think they should stay together

For the kid

Because also i think it's important to teach kids

Hey

If you're around someone

That's treating you terribly

You gotta take care yourself

Yeah

And so if that mean separating from someone

This is an important lesson for you too

That if it's bad

You should separate what you saying reminds me about someone said to me

You know i am separating the bost

And i remember when i was going through that process early on when

When we were still deciding

How to to do with it

Uh with the relationship

And how we would end it or not end end someone said to me

Something actually tually similar to what you just said

But they friend is stardy differently they said yeah

You got to remember ers a parent

You are the ultimate model for your kid

So if you want them in life to have the model

And this is perfectly acceptable that any relationship regardless of how bad is is fixible

If you do the right things

That is actions

You can take to fix it

Then you can show them how to do that you know by

By jumping back in

By working hard to fix it

By trying to create a happy home

Um if on the other hand you want your kid to know in life

That it's okay to end the relationship

That's not the end of the world

That always be be another one

If you want to show them

That there's a kind of a hohopeful future after relationship

Then you can model laugh them

Them you know know

Can just just can play ay through and

And separate and going to divorce

If you're married and still be good parents and show your kid

That

That's

That's a possible model

I don't think there's necessarily a judgment value in this

I don't view one as good or the other as bad

Or you know i wouldn't put it that way

I just think you gonna do it either option

You can do it well or you can do it badly

But is it a trouism is it really true

That divorces are

Are bad for kids mean it

I wonder if the numbers play that out

But it's cause in my experience on my best frienfriends are kids of divorce and their parents divorce at different times in their lives

And they're great

They're totally well adjusted they're in great relationships

Now they're successful people they seem kind of chill with it

And so it's like i don't think whether they divorce or not is actually the best indicator for how a child will react

I think the stats a bit confusing

I think in general people say

It's often said that kids who are in double parent

Families on the whole healthier and do better in life

But that's not to say that it's the divorce that did it

It's the being single afterwards or being with a single parent

I mean one option is to

Is to separate to not be together

But then to stay as too very good parents

You know that's one of the things to do so effectively

Yes it is a single parent

But you're not with a single parent

You

You're with two single parents

You still have two parents very prient in your life

I'm sure

It feels to me like instinctively that

That's the thing as a kid

You want to still have relation with the father and a mother

If that ts set up that you have in your family

Um It's

It's

It's the sudden disappearance of one parent

That's probably more of a

You know probably more of an an issue

The kids right

I just feel like probably divorce numbers

If you just looked at

Look at on

On their face

Or whatever it's probably missing a lot of nuants

I think so

And i think it's really hard to wear up the effect tive divorce as opposed to the effect of just being the child of a single parent so for me i

You know

After my divorce

After the separation divorced

I think my main priority was you know

Keeping a good relaship my son and being a being a father to my son um

And if you embrace that there are good sisithat too you know it's you've gotta try to i think

I think the ones that really fall apart is when that the you lose the child loses is touch with one or other parent or the sense that what does the some

There's some lasting scar

And they can't all speak to each other

You know there's some set of some secret or the some rouroat the heart of the relaship between the kid and the parents

That's caused by the parents not being together

I mean one of the problems i think

And this is comes back to this is about that issue of it's not about which decision you make to separate or stay together

It's what you do after that is how you play that out is that

If you keep a great relaship with your kid

If you keep all the channels of communication open

Then my personal feeling is it's better to separate

Than to you know to be stuck in something

Where there's constant frustration on unhappiness at home

But on the other hand if you stay at home

You know

And you

And you work on the relaship don't just settle for the fact

It's always going to be bad

But you megoing it and try to make it into something better

I'm sure

That's a great model for a kid

As well i mean

I actually don't think

Might i think i somebody said to me

I'm going a id id know

But i'm a child of the seventy

So people said this kind of thing

It's a kids just want to know their parents love them right

So they not for my perspective necessary

My judgment is that they're not obsessed with their parents relationship

Theyy're probably obsessed with their parents relationwith them right

Okay

That was really um really great

And we really thank you for the question

The email is the overshare at one six three dockm

You can also send it to the we hat official account

The overshare faitn who sure uh

And we actually got some

We got some feedbacks

We got some feedback or feedbacks as it's often referred to in china

The pluralization of feedback um let's hear it

嗯的对对对

Little follow up on your first podcast answering my question about my mother and mom

I rift off of your idea a little bit uh and insteof having the open conversation of hay let's still with this as a family

I actually flipped our earner ness at lesten

If you don't tell us that you're not feeling well

Then actually you're making more risk for all of us

And then we have to take it into the emergence room

We have to spend more money

And ii made it both serious and also as a joke

And actually that got her red at least marginally take it seriously shsh's still slow to answer

Ah we still off to priand

And they ask her

How she's feeling and then gether to be honest

But she's more open to being honest

St because she is want to actually cost trouble

Because hebe an interesting thing to throw onto onto the discussion fire 孤单

So send you feedback to the same contacts

As you would send your question to the show senters an audio message telling us what you think about what we said in reply

Two

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Yeah

Tell us that can

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Don't do that

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Give us feedback

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And you'd like to also give advice

That is very welcome

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Well

That is that's the end of this episode of the officiship podcast

Yeah

Thanks out for the production help

And thanks to all our collors

And thank you to build chaanghafor responsibing the show

And we'll see you next time see you

Ys yeyebye

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