Searching Through You

You laugh with your whole face

He used to look away

You walk too fast beside me

He always made me wait

The first few weeks

I kept noticing

Every little thing

You did the other way

And somehow

Difference felt like loss

You never knew

You were being compared

To someone

Who wasn't even there

I keep looking for him

Where he isn't

In the way you say my name

In the way you turn and listen

I find one thing that feels familiar

Then lose it in the next

You're standing right in front of me

And I'm searching through you

For someone

Who already left

You don't like the songs he loved

You don't drive the same

You never reach for my shoulder

When we cross the street

I caught myself missing

Things I used to complain about

That's when I knew

This wasn't only missing him

I was trying

To make you recognizable

You never asked

To fit that shape

I just kept holding it

Up against you

I keep looking for him

Where he isn't

In the way you say my name

In the way you turn and listen

I find one thing that feels familiar

Then lose it in the next

You're standing right in front of me

And I'm searching through you

For someone

Who already left

Yesterday you laughed so hard

You had to stop walking

I almost said

He never laughed like that

Then stopped myself

For once

The difference didn't hurt

It was just yours

And I heard it

Without measuring it

I don't think I wanted him back

I think I wanted

To feel nothing had changed

Same kind of voice

Same kind of touch

Same kind of person beside me

But memory is easy

It never surprises you

You do

I kept looking for him

Where he wasn't

In the way you said my name

In every small difference

But tonight

You laughed that way again

And I didn't think of anyone else

You were standing right in front of me

And for a moment

I saw you

Not what was missing

You

You laughed again

I knew

It was yours