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I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses
Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is
Got a new Hummer two Ferraris and some Lexuses
And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses
I got a ten story mansion on the beach
With a swimmin' pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach
Richer than a Twinkie I got so much cash
That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash
I take forty seven weeks of vacation a year
If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear
Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news
The reporter says gesundheit and hilarity ensues
And how did I get to be the man that I am
A god among men only without the tan
It's simple every time I have to make a choice
I just listen to my little inner voice and he says
Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils
OK
Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it
Back in the cows
Alright
Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable
OK
Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw
And regis philbin
Yeah
So how do I explain my little cranial expressions
Intuition premonition or demonic possession
It could be God an angel or my dead uncle Paul
Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall
Doesn't matter and to be honest I don't wanna know
'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO
And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz
I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends
Record an all banjo Falco tribute album
Done and done
Put on a tutu glue two live wiener dogs to your face and
Prance around the subway terminal screaming 'stop looking at me '
OK
There's no reason not to have s*x with a cheese grater
Hmm no I suppose not
Set up a stand outside of K Mart with a plate full of frozen peas
And a sign reading 'take one ' if anyone asks you what the hell
Your doing give them a button that says 'i asked about the peas '
He's become my best friend sticks with me to the end
Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again
And he's always by my side every minute every hour
Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower
Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich
And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch
If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it
I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it
Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years
And mail a report to the president with a note saying 'here '
Good idea
It's time to find out what urinal cakes taste like
If you say so
Get a black and white horizontally striped suit a mask
And a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it
And tiptoe around the airport
Sounds like fun
How old does a baby need to be before it's too big
To fit down the toilet
I don't know Let's find out
Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes
Will do
So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks
For removin' my angst so I'm no longer shootin' blanks
And now I own several banks plus an inflatable watch
And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch
I followed his advice and now I'm makin' major duckets
If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets
So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed
Just listen to the voice in your head and he'll say
Fat people are full of toys Go get some
Yeah
Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking
Warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions
Pez and lint
With pleasure
If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down
A flight of stairs surely he would have said so explicitly by now
Yeah I guess so
Go to a McDonald's Playland tie that big Officier Big Mac
Thing to the back of your car and drive away at 90 mph when a
Cop pulls you over roll down the window and indignantly ask 'what '
You got it
Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist
Oh do I have to
