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Wish I felt Something - Soul Blues Icon
I woke up today
and nothing felt wrong
but nothing felt right either
just the same dull quiet
felt in the corners of the room
the same stillness in my chest
where my heartbeat
used to feel out
People think pain
is the hardest thing to carry
but numbness
numbness is worse
It's waking up
and feeling like your life
doesn't touch you anymore
like you're watching yourself
from across the room
waiting for something
to break through the glass
I used to cry
I used to laugh
I used to feel the world
hit me like weather
Now I just stare
through my own reflection
like it's someone else
Living my life
Everyone keeps asking if I'm okay
I keep saying I'm tired
because it's easier
than saying I don't feel anything
I wish I felt something
anger, joy, heartbreak, hope
anything that reminds me
I'm still in here somewhere
I'm tired of floating
through my own days
tired of pretending
the silence isn't swallowing me whole
I'm not broken, just disconnected
and I'm begging my heart to make a sound
just to prove
it's still mine
I go through the motions
the work, the conversations
the smiles on command
but everything hits me like a whisper
I can't quite hear
You asked me last night
if I still loved you
and God, I wanted to answer you with fire
with feeling, with something real
but the words got stuck
in the numbness I'm trapped in
It's not that I don't love you
it's that the part of me that knows how to feel
is buried under months
of holding it together
when I should have fallen apart
Sometimes healing
looks like breaking
and I haven't broken yet
I've just gone quiet
I wish I felt something
a spark, a wave, a crack in this frozen place
inside my chest
I'm trying to wake myself up
trying to shake the numb out
but it clings like a second skin
I want to feel you, feel me
feel anything that proves I'm not fading
I know this isn't forever
I know numbness
is the body's way of saying your heart is exhausted
I know eventually
something small will break through
a song, a memory, a touch, a moment
And when it does, I'll hold on to it
follow it
let it lead me back
to the version of myself
who still feels everything too deeply
I haven't lost him
He's resting
he's rebuilding
he's waiting for the right moment
to come home
I wish I felt something
and I will
maybe not today
maybe not tomorrow
but numbness is just a quiet chapter
not the ending
I'll find my way back
slowly, softly, honestly
and when the feeling returns
I'll welcome it
like the first breath after being underwater too long
I'm still here
even if I can't feel it yet
