Oh look There's Joey's picture
You can spot someone who's never seen his plays
Notice no fear No sense of impending doom
The role of man number three will not be played by Vic Shapiro
We came on the wrong night
I can't believe I forgot a magazine
Come on this might be good I don't know
The exclamation point scares me It's not just Freud it's Freud
Magic is about to happen
Well Eva
We've done some excellent work here
And I would have to say
Your problem is quite clear
All you want is a dinkle All you want is a dinkle
What you envy's a schwang What you envy's a schwang
To play with or simply let hang To play with or simply let hang
I feel violated
Did anybody else feel like peeling their skin off
To have something else to do
Ross 1 0:00
No 1 0:00 What
There's a beautiful woman at 8 9 1 0:00
Hello
She's amazing She makes the women l dream about look like fat bald men
Go over She's not with anyone
And what would my opening line be Excuse me
Come on she's a person You can do it
Could she be more out of my league Back me up
He couldn't get a woman like that in a million years
You always see these beautiful women with nothing guys
You could be one of those guys
Absolutely
I can't believe I'm considering this
L' m very aware of my tongue Come on
Here goes
Stand back everyone Incoming ego shrapnel
All right I can do this
Yes Hi
Okay next word would be
Chandler
Chandler is my name and
Hi Hi
Yes Yes I did But what I didn't say
What I wanted to say was
Would you like to go out with me Thank you Good night
Chandler
I didn't know you could dance You were in a play
What'd you think
I didn't know you could dance You were in a play
It wasn't that bad I was the lead
It was better than the troll thing At least you got to see my head
You're right We saw your head
How about that accent
Yeah All of your W's were V's
She said yes
Awful play man
Her name's Aurora She's ltalian and she pronounces my name Chandler
I like that better
The usher gave me this
What is it The Estelle Leonard T alent Agency
An agency left its card They wanna sign me
Based on this play
Based on this play
Look There's a note on the back
She was obviously very moved
You should call her fairly quickly
Yeah As soon as possible
Come in
Hi I'm here to see Estelle Leonard Hi
Just a moment let me see if she's in
Hello
You''re Estelle I know
You weren't expecting someone so fantastically beautiful
Love lump T ake a load off already darling Sit already
I can't tell you how excited I am to be here
Why not
What I meant was You don't mind if I eat do you
Sweetheart let me ask you a question
Did you ever see the movie Sleepless in Seattle
Wow Do you represent those actors No
But you know the end where they''re happy
That's gonna be you and me
You mean you wanna sign me
No I wanna go to the top of the Empire State Building and make out
Of course I wanna sign you
Miss Leonard I'm so Oh boy
Ride them cowboy l' m sorry
I don't see it
T ry to look through it Unfocus your eyes
Focus There's nothing to focus on
It's the Statue of Liberty Right
Where's the Statue of Liberty There
I can't not see it now
Come here Do you see anything here
Lt looks like a boat A boat
Right in front of the Statue of Liberty
It's been seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went
How was your date Chandler
It was unbelievable
I've never met anyone like her She's had an amazing life
She was in the Israeli army
None of the bullets hit the engine so we made it to the border
But just barely and l
I've been talking about myself all night long I'm sorry
What about you T ell me a story
All right once
I got on the subway
And it was at night
And I rode it all the way to Brooklyn
Just for the hell of it
More or less
Suddenly we realized we were in Yemen
I' m sorry so we is
We is me and Rick
Who's Rick
Who's Rick
My husband
Oh so you''re divorced No
I' m sorry So you''re widowed Hopefully
No l' m still married
So how would your husband feel about you sitting here with me
Sliding your foot so far up my leg you can count the change in my pocket
Don't worry
He'd be okay with you because he's okay with Ethan
Ethan There's an Ethan
Ethan is my boyfriend
What
What kind of relationship do you imagine us having
If you have a husband and a boyfriend
I suppose mainly ***ual
Sorry it didn't work out
What not work out I'm seeing her again on Thursday
Didn't you listen to the story
Didn't you listen It's twisted
How could you get involved with her
I had trouble with it at first But I get the good stuff
All the fun all the talking all the ***
And none of the responsibility
This is every guy's fantasy That's not true
Ross is this your fantasy No of course not
Yeah Yeah it is
You'd go out with someone going out with someone else
When l' m with a woman I need to know
Once I went out with a guy who just got divorced
It was hard His kids liked me better than him
What does this have to do with Chandler
Nothing
I didn't have anything on that topic
So I went another way
You know monogamy can be a tricky concept
I mean anthropologically speaking
Fine Now you'll never know
We''re kidding T ell us
We wanna know Come on
All right There's a theory put forth by Richard Leakey
Are we greeting each other this way now I like it
Look I cleaned
I did the windows I did the floors
I used all the vacuum attachments but the round one What's it for
What do you think
It's very clean Really it looks great
I see you moved the green ottoman
How did that happen
I don't know It looked better there
And it's an extra seat around the table
Yeah it's interesting
But you know what Just for fun
Iet's see what it looked like in the old spot
Just to compare
Let's see
Well it looks good there too
Let's leave it there for a while
I can't believe you moved the green ottoman
Be glad you didn't fan the magazines She'll scratch your eyes out
You guys I am not that bad Yeah you are
Remember I lived with you You were a little
That is so unfair
When we were kids yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy
Okay so I'm responsible I'm organized
But hey I can be a kook
All right you madcap gal
Imagine this
The phone bill arrives but you don't pay it right away
Why not Because you're a kook
You wait until they send a notice
I could do that
Okay then you let me go grocery shopping
No problem I'm not done yet
And I buy detergent but it's not the one with the easy pour spout
Why would someone do that
One might wonder
But I would be fine with that
A glass is on the table with no coaster A cold drink A hot day
Beads of condensation are inching closer to the wood
Stop it
Oh my God
It's true Who am l
Monica you''re Mom
Oh my God
Okay I'll be there
That was my agent
My agent has just gotten me a job in the new Al Pacino movie
That's great What's the part
Can you believe it Pacino This guy's why I became an actor
Out of order You''re out of order This whole courtroom's out of order
Seriously what's the part
Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in
Come on Seriously Joey what's the part
You''re What
I' m his butt double okay
I play Al Pacino's butt
All right He goes into the shower and then
I' m his butt
Oh my God
Come on you guys
It's a real Pacino movie and that's big
It's terrific You deserve this
After years of struggling you've cracked your way into show business
Fine Make jokes I don't care
This is a big break for me You''re right It is
So will you invite us to the big opening
I need some moisturizer For what
T oday's the big day
You got any tweezers I think I have a rogue hair
God Go in the bathroom Use whatever you want
Don't ever tell me what you did in there
Thank you
Joey's mom's on the phone ln the bathroom
You don't wanna go in there Come on we''re roommates
My eyes My eyes
I warned you
Who is being loud
Oh that would be Monica
Can I borrow stuff I wanna make Aurora breakfast
You got the whole night
Well I only have 20 minutes until Ethan so
Do I sense resentment
No No resentment Believe me
It's worth it okay
In a relationship you have moments you'll remember the rest of your life
Every single second is like that with Aurora
I've just wasted 35 of them talking to you
So Monica can you help me with the door
The old Monica would remind you
To scrub that T eflon pan with a plastic brush
But l' m not gonna do that
Excuse me Can they warm it up I'm concerned about goose bumps
Everybody ready
I wanna thank you for this opportunity
I mean I know this is just a first step but I hope that someday
Lose the robe
Right Okay Losing the robe
Okay and the robe is lost
I would like to get this in one take
Let's roll it
Water's working
And action
And cut
Butt guy what are you doing
I'm showering
No that was clenching
The way I see it the guy's upset here you know
His wife's dead his brother's missing
I think his butt would be angry here
I think his butt would like to get the shot before lunch
And action
And cut What was that
I was going for quiet desperation
But if you have to ask
God I love these fingers
Thank you
No actually I meant my fingers
Look at them Look at how happy they are
Oh my God l' m late Oh no
Don't go Okay
I have to Look she's leaving
I' m sorry He'll be waiting for me
I thought you talked to Rick It's not Rick
Ethan He gets the whole day
No it's Andrew
I know there'll be moments
When I'll regret asking the following question but
And Andrew is He's
New
So you''re not completely fulfilled by Rick Ethan and myself
No that's not exactly what I was
Most women would kill
For three guys like us
So what do you want You
You have me No Just you
What do you mean Lose the other guys
Like all of them
Come on we''re great together Why not
Can't we have what we have now
Why can't we talk and make love
Without feeling obligated to each other
Up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too
Well part of me wants that
The guy who wells up when the Grinch's heart grows
And breaks that measuring device
He's saying you know This is too hard Get out
So which one of the guys will you listen to
I have to listen to both They don't let each other finish
Which one
The second guy
I see
Call me if you change your mind
Sorry the first guy runs the lips
Look at it this way You dumped her
Right I mean this woman was unbelievably ***y
And beautiful intelligent unattainable
T ell me why you did this again
Movie star
Wait Aren't you the guy who plays the butt in the new Pacino movie
Nope
Big guy
It felt like a big guy moment
I got fired
They said I acted too much with it
I told everybody about this
Everybody's expecting to see me lKnow what
No one will be able to tell My mom will
There's something so sweet and disturbing about that
I've done crappy plays for six years
And I finally get my shot and I blow it
Maybe this wasn't it
I think when it's your shot you know it's your shot
Did it feel like your shot
Hard to tell I was naked
I don't think this was it I don't think you just get one
I believe things are gonna happen for you I do
You've got to think about the day some kid will go：
L got the part I'm gonna be Joey T ribbiani's a*s
You think That's so nice
I' m sorry Joey I'm gonna go to bed guys
Good night Good night
You''re gonna leave your shoes out here
Really Just casually strewn about
In that reckless haphazard manner
It doesn't matter I'll get them tomorrow Or not
Whenever
She is a kook
If it bothers you that much just go out and get the shoes
No don't do this
This is stupid
I don't have to prove anything I'm gonna get them
But then everyone will know
Unless I get them then wake up really early and put them back
I need help
All you want is a dinkle Not that song
All you envy's a schwang Come on you guys
A thing through which you can tinkle
All you want is a dinkle
What you envy's a schwang
A thing through which you can tinkle
Or play with or simply let hang
