Another night of disappointment
Reaffirmation of the kind of **** I’ve been avoiding
The club for me is not the place to fill a void in
So I fill a glass with milk while they keep on drinking poison
And I don’t say that with a finger pointing
Just to make a point that I can make a different choice and still be fine
Cause I don’t mind if they ain’t join in
Nah, this is all about self-enjoyment
So tonight Imma treat myself
Tomorrow I might start eating well
Cut back on the snacks and the greasy meals
And get back on the track from this pizza trail
But who am I kidding, for that you’d need some will
I’ve tried to fit in, but decided I don’t see the appeal
The lone wolf doesn’t need the sheep to feel fulfilled
And **** being cool, man, I much prefer to keep it chill
Plus I got leftovers and masturbation
Grab the napkins while I’m kitchen raiding
30 tabs in for half a wacky sensation
Jeez, I wonder what happened to my imagination
Cum piling every night till there’s a pattern shaping
Though I’ll probably deny the objectification
And try to justify it as self-exploration
Like I don’t know know what I like and already have the names in
But tonight Imma feel myself
Tomorrow Imma prolly beat it still
I try my best not to feed into guilt
But it’s ****ing hard with all this dopamine I spill
And sex to me ain’t even real
The filth on my browser history is mentally instilled
I can’t meet a gal without thinking how that pussy might feel
You see I’m well aware of what I am and what I keep concealed
Somewhere between shame and self-assurance
Between pain and never hurting
As I remain ever-reverting
Cause I focus on the restraints of forgetting your burdens
So am I a victim or just well deserving?
When I find admission in every aversion
And take pride in indifference, while I stay discerning
Like a lesser existence, but a bigger person
Introvert in conversations
Extrovert in isolation
Can’t say if it’s worse than indications
I mean, you tell me first, is any of this resonating?
Cause in the search for motivation
And with an urge for less cravings
Like leftovers and masturbation
I left a verse for your own considerations
