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No Anchovies, Please - The J. Geils Band
This is the story of a young couple in Portland Maine
While waiting for her husband Don
To return home from work she reaches for a can of anchovies
As she spreads the tiny fish across a piece of lettuce
She notices a small note at the bottom of the can
Written on it is a telephone number
Curious she dials and is told
Don't move lady we'll be right over
Placing the phone back on the hook she turns
To see three smartly dressed men standing in her kitchen doorway
Before she realizes what is happening to her
She is rolled tightly in long sheets of cellophane
Transported to an international airport
And placed on a waiting jet liner
All this being too much for her to comprehend she passes out
Upon awakening she finds herself in a strange foreign speaking nation
'Dalas nekcihc dna tihs nekcihc neewteb
Ecnereffid eht wonk ot suineg a ekat t'nseod ti'
Alone fearing her escape impossible
She seeks comfort in the arms of a confidential agent
With the trace of her kiss still warm upon his lips
He betrays her to the hands of three scientists
Who are engaged in diabolical
Avant garde experiments previously
Performed only on insects and
Other small meaningless creatures
Using her as their subject
They are delighted with the results
For the first time a human being
Is transformed into a shh top secret
Meanwhile back in Portland Maine
Her husband Don now chain smoking 40 packs
Of cigarettes a day
Sits at a local bar and has a few beers
With the regulars
Bored everyone's attention
Turns to the television set
That just hangs from the wall welcome to bowling for dollars
Suddenly crazy al says
S say Don there sure is something familiar about that bowling ball
To which the terrified Don replies
Oh my God that bowling ball it's my wife
And the lesson we learn from this story is
Next time you place your order
Don't forget to say no anchovies please
