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everfeellikeyoujustneedapersonalpeptokfromapsychologistyeah
butyouknowlifejustwontwaitforunappointment
whatkindofwherethisdeepdivecomesinokaygoingtobeexploringdctorjuliesmithbookoenopenilovethatbookyeah
itssogood
anditsdesignedlikeaseriesofletters
eachonetacklingadifferentlifechallengeyeah
andyouknowwhativefindssocleveraboutthatyeah
itslikeittapsintothatimmediacyofneedingsupportrightnowrightitsnotjustanotherselfhelpbookontheshelfyeah
itsreallymeanttobeyourightyouyoureintheickofyeah
youreinityeah
youneeditrightnowyesopenitupexactlysoourmissiontodayokay
itsdidiyeahthecorewisdomfromtheselettersokay
giyoupracacaltoooolsyeah
navigatethosetoughmomentsweoffice
andwhatiappreciateaboutdoctorsmithapproachisshedoesntjustlikeoffersurfaceleveladvice
youknowsolereallydelsintothewhyaguybehindourstruggleconnectingtolikedeeperpsychologicalneeddifferentissues
yes
yessoletsdiveintothatgowiththefirstsection
whenitshardtobewithotherpeopleokay
imeanweveallbeenthererightsothatawkwardnessyeah
insocialsituations
sureyoujustlikenotquitefittinginyeah
yeah
notbeloningitssouncomfortable
yesyouknowfasccatingatingadoctorsmithframesthisyouknowitsnotjustaboutshinasorsocialskills
itsabout好的
好的没有ourfundamentalhumanneedyesforconnection
weallneedit
wedoyeah
andwhenthatneedfeelsthreatenedittriggersersanxietymamakesense
itmakesuscompareourselvestoothersyeah
sooubttworthgotoallyorevenwithdrawnthescpyeah
sosheeventackleslesthesituookaywheredodofeelunwelcomeright
yourenavgatingasocialmfufuelyeahandwouldstoodouttomewasheradviceonflippingatingthescriohyeah
tellmemoreaboutthatsoinsteadofobsessingoverdotheylikeme
shesuggestsfocusingonhowcanimakethemfeelwelcome
thatssointeresting
isntthatinterestingyeah
socounterintuitive
itis
butitsbrilliantyeah
becausebyshiftingthatfocusoutwarduhyoureengagingwiththeotherpersonright
andtakingyourmindoffyourowninsecuritytiesright
andthistapsintoapsychologicalprinciplecalledreciproproewasaproprotyhaveyouheardardthisihaveokay
soitstheideathatkindnesstendstobegetkindnessokay
yourenotjustfakingittillyoumakeitright
youreactuallyreadingahahmoreposisidynamic
exactlytlyilovethat
thatsprettycoolokay
butwhataboutwhenitsnotevenotherpeopleokay
itsthatintercritic
oh
youallhavetheone
itnevershotsupitssoloud
whenitshardtobewithyourselfyeah
thatsectionreallyresonatedwithme
thisiswhereithinkdoctorsmithunderstandingofunmetneedsokay
reallyshine
shearguesthatharshselfcriticism
yes
oftenstemsfromdeeperemotionalneeds
yeah
thatarenttmetyouexamamlikeaneedforvalidation
oh yes
securitybelongingokay
andwhentheseneedsareunmetrightintendtoturninwordsmakesenseblamingourselvesrightinsteadofaddressingtheroot
causelikethatsayinghurtpeople
hurtpeopleyeah
butitshurtpeoplehurtthemselves
exactlyitssoeasytogetcaughtinthatcycle
itisofnegativeselftopyeah
andinsteadofjustsayingbekindertoyourself
whichwehearallthetime
allthetime
yeah
darkorsmithoffersamorenuonceapproach
okay
ilikeitmeetselfcriticismwithcuriosm
notjudgmentmesoinsaidobreatingyyselfselfmistakeoyeahwealldothat
wedous
whatcanilearnfromthisokay
whatneedwasitryingtomeetthatperhapswasntmhealththewaythatsagamechanger
itisitslikeshiftingfrombeingajudgeyouryourmenmentalcourtroom
yeahtobecomingacompassionateinvestigator
ilovethatwhatstandsouttoaboutthisapproach
wellithinkitinviteselfreflection
nowwithoutself
selfleglation
yeah
wedontneedthat
we
weneedthat
itacknowledgesthatwereallworksinprogress
weare
weare
andthatmakingmistakesispartthehumanexperience
itshowwelearn
exactly
andthiscanbesoliberating
absolutely
specially
thosewhostrugglewithperfectionism
oh yeah
werechronicsoffdoubtslikegivingyourselfpermissiontobehumanyes
flawsorandwhataboutwhenthoseflaesfeeloverwhelmingok
you
youyouredrowyeahindifficultemotions
thatswhere
whenitshardtobewithyourfeelingscomesinrightum
ithinkso
andthisiswhere
doctorsmithdoesntshyawayfromtheintensityofouremotionalexperience
sheusessuchvividlanguagetodescribefeelingslikefeargrief
griefanger
yes
almostlikeshesgivingvoicetothoserow
yeah
oftenunspokenpartsofourselves
ithinkthatswhypeopleresumewithherworksomuch
yes
becauseshejustgetsityes
youknowsheunderstandshowtheseemotionscanfeelsobig
yesandsoscary
sometimesirememberthataboutfeelinglikeangerisalivewire
yeahrunningthroughyourveins
itslikeshegetsityes
ahshessbeenthere
ahsheunderstandshowtheseemotionscanfeelsobig
sobigsoscary
sometimesandinsteadofpushingthosefeelingsaway
whichwereoftentalghttodoallthetime
yeah
justshowitdown
worryaboutityoufindyeah
shearguesthatavoidanceonlymakesthemstronger
yeah
thinkofitliketryingtoholdabeachballunderwater
youknowthemoreyoupushitdown
yeah
themoreforcefully
itwilleventuallyresurfacethatssuchaperfectanalogyright
soifwererenotpposedtoiigoreorefeelelings
yeah
whatdowesupposeddowiththemthatsthequestionisntityeah
imguessing
thisiswherethosepracticaltoolscomein
thisiswheretheycomeinokay
andithinkthisiswhatopenwhendoessowellthatsgeintothatyeah
thisiswhereopenwhenreallyshines
yeah
doctorsmithgoesbeyondjustidentifyingtheproblemokay
andshegivesyouactionablesteps
youcantaketodaylikehavingatooittooityeah
filledwithstrategiesformanagingyouremotionrightandnavigatingchallengingsituationsandthebestpartties
itsnotaboutoverhaulingyourentireliferight
shereallyemphasizesthatevenincorporatingoneortwoofthesetools
lifecanmakeasignificantdifference
iagreewiththat
yeah
itsaboutfindingwhatworksforyouandbuildingfromthereexactly嘘
letsstartwithsomethingwetouchedonearlierokay
thepowerofshiftingfocusokay
fromyourselftoothersinsocialsituationsocouncounininitive
it
itisit
itworks
itdoes
anditsnotaboutbeingfakeorputtingonashow
yeah
itsaboutttingashow
apsychologicalprinciple
ilovethiscalledcognitivediffusion
cognitivediffusionhaveyouheardofthis
ihavecogakdownorlisteneryes
soitsessentialaboutdetachingfromthosenegativethoughtsthatfeedsocialanxietyyeah
soinsteadofgettingcaughtupinthosewhatifuahthespiralthatsengagalyeah
youconsciouslyshiftyourattentiontotheotherperson
soinsteadofworryingaboutwhatyrethinkingofmeyeah
ishouldfocusonwhattheyresayingyes
activelylistening
askingquestionbeingengagedyeah
andwhenyoudothat
somethingreallyfascinatinghappens
whathappened
youhavelessbannedwithokaytoabsetyesoveryourowninsecurities
yourmindisoccupy
itisyeah
essensenallydefusingsingthosethoutstsokayfocusingonsomethingexternal
itslikethat
thatsayingyoufillillcupthatsalreadyfullthatsagoodone
ifyourmindispreccupiy
yes yes
connenecwithanotherperson
yesthereslessroomforthoseanxiousthoughtstotakehold
andthishasarippleeffect
okaywhenyouregenuinelyengaggewithsomeone
younaturallycomeacrossismoreconfident
interesting
whatlikelikesoyoucreateamorepositivesocialdynamic
youdoitslikeavirtuouscycle
rightlikethatthelessyoufocusonyourself
themorecomfortableunconfident
youbecomeyeah
wouldyouinturn
makesyoumoreenjoyabletobearoundmakesense
rightnowhataboutthatinnercritic
ahtalaboutaboutearlier
thatsaliahahctorsmithsuggestmeetingselfcriticismwithcuriosity
yes
buthowdoyouactuallydothatithinkofitislikeokay
amindfulpauseokayforyoureactsoinsteadofautomaticallybelievingthosenegativethoughts
whichwereproudtodoweareyeah
youacknowledgethemokay
butthenyouaskyourselfsomequestionslikewhatisthisthoughthelpfulokayisitbasedonfactsorjustmyperception
oh
goodone
whatneedmightbedrivingthisthough
soitsliketurningthevolumedownonthatintercritic
yes
creatingspaceforamoreobjectiveperspective
exactlysometimesjustthatsimpleactofquestioningthosethoughtscantakeaweatherpoweritstrue
youstarttoseethemasjustthoughts
notabsolutetruthandnotfactsandwceyouyouvequesedthosebotsyeah
howdoyoumovefromcuriositytoactualselfcompassion
thatisthequestion
thatfeelslikeabigleapforsomeonewhosusedtobeatingthemselvesupitisabigleap
yeah
tetechnicdoctorsmithrecommendokayisimagineyouretalkingtoaclosefriendokay
whosgoingthroughthesamestruggle
whatwouldyousaytothemidbenicetothem
youwerewouldyouburoratethemnoticizeednowwouldoffersupport
youwouldunderstandingandyetyeah
yourarelyextendthatsamecompassiontoourselvestruesothechallengengistotreatyourself
ahwiththesamekindnessandunderstandingbeyourownbestfriend
beyourownbestfriendilovethatokay
letstalkaboutprocessingthosebigoverwhelmingemotions
okay
wealreadytalkedaboutnosandletters
yes
whataresomeothertoolsstarttersmithrecommentsonethatifind
particularlypowerfulokay
especiallyformanageangerandanxietyokayistheconceptofgrounding
groundinguhaveyouheardthisihave
butiwouldloveyoutoexplainitokay
soitsaboutbringingyourattentionokay
tothepresentmoment
righthere
rightnow
righthererightnow
usingyoursensesokay
doanchoryourselfinthehereandnow
yesokay
sohowdoyouactuallygroundyourself对的
对这对那个
therearealotofdifferenttechniques
okay
butonesimpleoneisthefivefourthreetoonemethodfivefourthreetoone
youfindfivethingsyoucansee
okay
fourthingsyoucantouch
okay
threethingsyoucanhear
twothingsyoucansmell
okay
andonethingyoucantaste
itsliketakingasensoryinventory
itisofyoursurroundings
itHIcansee
howthatwouldhelpshiftyourfocusawayfromyeah
thoseracingthoughts
yesandoverwhelmingfeelings
andbyengagingyoursenses
youredisruptingthatphysiologicalstressresponse
soitsnotjustamentalexercise
noitsactuallyaffectingyourbodysresponsedistress
itisilovethatdiandbodyconnectionissopowerful
noanothertoolthatifound
surprisinglyeffective
okay
whatthatisthepowerofmovementtoshiftmood
oh
yesimean
weallknowexerciseisgoodforyou
yeah
buthowdoesthatactuallyworkonanemotionallevel
wellwhenyouenggageinphysicallectedtivity
umyourbrainreleasesindorphphwhich
whichhaveooboostingeffects
okay
sothereschemicalcomponent
thereisyeah
butbeyondthatmovementcanbeaformofemotionalprocessing
oh
interesting
itslikeliterallyshakingoffthosenegativefives
ilikethatpreatingspaceforafreshperspective
soitsnotjustaboutgettingyourheartrateup
rightitsaboutusingthatmovementrightasawaytooyesreleasepaintupenergy
ilikethatemotiontheaphysiciicalgo
manifestationoflettinggo
ilovethat
anditdoesnthavetobeintenseexercise
nolikerunningamarathon
itcouldbejustawalkinnatureokay
dancingtoyourfavoritemusic
somegentlestretchesyeah
evenjuststandingupyeah
stretchingyourarmsoveradcanmakeadifference
youmakeahugedifferencespeakingofshiftingmoodyeah
oneofthemostchallengingemotionstodealwithisfear
fearistoughyeah
irememberdoctorssmithadvicetorefrainfearasfuel
嗯nottheenemy
umilikethat
buthowdoyouturnsomethingthatfeelssoebilitatingyeah
intosomethingempoweringitstartswithunderstandingthatfearisnaturalitsahumanresponseyeah
itshardwiredintoourbrains
protectusto
toprotectusfromdangerbutinmodernlifeyeah
thosedangersareoftenmoreperceivedthanreal
soitslikeourbrainsarestilloperatingyeah
onthatfighterflightresponse
yesahthoughwerenotfacingsabortoothtigersexexactinourdailylives
sothekeyistoacknowledgethefearokay
butthenaskyourselfisthisfearyeah
basedonarealthreat
or orit it
myimaginationrununningilitsitsseparatingthosepriprialalinstincct
yesfromtherealityofthesituation
butevenyouveidentifiedafearasirrational
yeah
itcanstillfeelsorealimparalizing
howdoyoumovepassthatyeah
whatdoyoudodoctorsmithsuggestsyeah
atechniquecalledexposuretherapy
exposeyourtherapy
ifyoushouldhavethisihaveok
sothisinvolvesgraduallyexposingyourselftothethingyoureafraidoflittlebylittle
littlebylittle
yeahstartingwithsmallstepsokayandbuildingup
soitslikefacingyourfearsheadonyesbutinasafeandcontrolledway
exactly
yourenotjustthrowingyourselfintothedeepband
andyourekindofwaitingin
waitinginslowly
andasyougraduallyexpressyourself
yourbrainstartstolearnokay
thatitsnotactuallyasdangerous
asyouthoughtitwasasyouperceivedittobesoyourerewiringthoseneuralpathways
yesyouaretosociateatethingwithsafetyratherthandanger
youvegotitsoundslikealotofwork
itiswork
buticanseehowitwouldbeincrediblyempowering
itempoweringoveroverthosedeepseatedfears
itisnowbeforebeforeremoveonokay
thefinalsectionofopenokay
butiwanttoaddressthequestionokay
weoftengetfromlistenersokay
imreadytheyfeeloverwhelmedbythesheernumberoftoolsandtechniques
andersonavkayweofknowwheretostartrightitslikeabuffet
itisabuffetofselfhelp
and
andyourejustright
iwantitallilltakeoneofeverything
butthenyoufeelsick
exactly
whatadvicewouldyougivetosomeone
whoisfeelinglost
lostinaseaoftools
yeahstartsmallchooseoneortwotools
okaythatresonitwithyoufocusonincorporatingthoseintoyourdailylife
youdonthavetodoeverythingatonceodonttlytrycantobuildingamuscleokay
youwouldntstartliftingweightsrightbytryingtobenchpressyourmaximumweight
noyouheardyourself
youwouldheardyourselfselfgragraduallyincreasaseweightovertimeasyourstrengthinconfidencegrowexactly
andthesameprincipleappliestoemotionalresolenceokay
startwiththosesmallmanageablesteps
yeahcelebrateyoursuccess
generatethosewins
celebratethosewinsandgraduallybuildyourtoolkitasyougainconfidenceandexperience
ilovethatanalogyandremembertheresnoonesizefitsallapproach
absolutely
nowitsaboutfindingwhatworksforyou
whatworksforyouincludingapersonalizedroadmap
ilovethatfornavigatinglifesinevitablechallenges
lovethatnowletsdiveintothefinalsectionofopen
okayweredoctorstackles
someofthebiggerexistentialquestion
iexistentialquestion
yesthatweallgrapplewiththisiswhereopen
whengoesbeyond
youknowthosedatadaysstrugglesandkindofdevesintothedeeperquestionsofmeaningandpurpose
andyouknowdoctororsmithdoesntoffereasyanswers
butsheprovidesaframework
okforthinkingaboutwhattrulymattersinlife
andthisissomanypeople
peoplearegrapplingwithright
feelinglostyeah
unmotivatedlikenothingreallymatterswhatsthepointyeah
itsalmostanexistentialcrisisrightwithoutthedramaticmusicexactly
andwhatifindrefreshingaboutdoctorsmithapproach
yeahisthatshedoesntprescribeaspecificpath
okaytomeaning
yeah
enencougesgesuslooklookworardinworard
okaytoconnectwithourvalues
okayandtodefinewhatameaningfullife
lookslikeforus
itslikesheissayingstopsearchingfortheansweroutthereitsalreadyreadywithinyou
itis
buthowdoyouactuallytagintothatinnerwisdom
thatsthe
whenyoufeelsodisconnectedfromyourself
itstoughyeah
onetechniquerecommendsistoreflectonokaythosemomentsinyourlife
whereyoufelttrulyaliveyetruanengagedgivemeanexample
thinkaboutwhatwereyoudoingyeah
whatwereyouwithokay
whatvalueswereyoulivingbysoitslikelookingforcluesinyourownlifestory
yes
momomtswhereyoufeltmostauthenticallyyougotit
butoneofthosemomentsfeelfewinfarbetweenthathappensyeah
whatifyourestrugglingtoevenremember
whatitfeelsliketobepassionateaboutsomethingithinkthatswheredoctorsmithwouldsayembraceexploration
explorationyes
itsabouttryingnewthingsokaysteppingoutsideyourcomfortszone
itsaboutbeingourourselftobecurious
soitsnotabouthavingallbecuriers
rightitsaboutbeingwillingtoaskquesfortsexperiitslikethejourneyisthedestination
andsometimesthoseunexpecteddetors
yeah
leadtothemostincrediblediscoveriesyoudodoctorssmithalsoremindsus
thatmeaningisntastaticdestination
rightitsaprocess
itsaneverevolvingprocess
itevolvedwhatmattertousfiveyearsagomightnotholdthesamesignificancetoday
rightthatsokayyeah
thatsnormallikewereconstantlygrowingandchangingweare
andoursenseofpurposeevolvesalongwithusexactly
soitsnotaboutfindingtheonethingthatgivesourlifemeaning
itsaboutstayingopen
opentotheshifts
theshiftsandallowingbyourourselvestobeguidedbywhatfeelsmostfulfillingineachmoment
yes
sometimesfindingmeaningislessaboutgrandgesturesyeah
moreaboutthosesmalleverydayactsofkindness
yes
connectionactioncontributions
itsaboutfindingjoyintheordinarymakingapositiveimpactyeah
ontheworldarounduseveninsmallways
yeaheveninseeminglyinsignificantways
itallmatters
butwhataboutthosemomentsokay
wheneverythingfeelspoinlessthathappen
yeah
wheneventhosesmallactsofkindness
yeah
feelliketheyrenotmakingadifference
rightlikeitsthepointyeah
howdoyoudealwiththatsenseofdisccairitsreallyhardyeah
thatswhereyouthinkdoctorsmithwouldsaysocompassionthoseaboutacknowledgethosedifficultfeelingswithoutjuddmentokreminyyourselfthatyouredoingthebestyoucanyeah
withtheresourcesyouhavewithwhatyouvegotwithwhatyouvegotinthismoment
itslikegivingyourselfpermissiontonotbeokay
acknowledgethosedarkeremotionswithoutgettingsweptawaybythemthatsimportant
buthowdoyoumovefromthatplaceofselfcompassionyeah
toaplaceofhopeandactionitstoughyeah
butithinkconnectioniskeyconnectionreachingouttoothersokay
sharingyourstrugglesok
allowingyourselftobesupported
sometimesjustknowingthatyourenotalone
exactlyinthosedarkmomentsyeah
canmakeallthedifference
itreallycanlikeaburdensharedisaburdenhaveandopen
whenitselfcanbeasourceveconnection
yesitslikehavingthatwisefriendyeah
thatcompassionatefriendyeah
offeringsupportandguide
evenwhenyoufeelmostconnetionexactlysotorapupourdeepdiveintoopen
yeah
whenithinkthekeytakeawayisthisokay
lifeismessyitisitsunpredictableyeah
itsfullofchallenges
itis
butwedonthavetofacethosechallengesalonethatsrightwehavethetools
theresgress
weandinterstrengthtonavigatethosetoughmoment
wedoandcomeoutstrongerontheothersideilovethatandopenwhenitsagreatreminder
yesthatweallallksksprogressweare
weallhavethecapacityforgrowthandchange
yesandeveninthosedarkestmoments
theresalwayshope
alwayshope
soifyourefeelinglostoverwhelmedyesorjustjustneedofalittleguidance
yes
ihighlyrecommendcheckingoutopenway
itsagoodone
itmightjustbethepeptalk
youneedyestonavigatewhateverlifethghwswayahyougotthis
thanksrejoiningusonthisdeepdive
itsfuineandwellseenexttime
