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Everyone
This is the overshare podcast
My name is paul web
And
And name is alpa jones
I like you went very formal
Well
I did i well my name is it seem like i was doing that every it's the same thing i do every week so are you feeling right now so much bike ky
Yes
I
I've been hospitalized
Yeah
But i'm doing
Okay a friend of ind is about to come visit
Where you're still not with me
And it hurts yes
Well that's right um i'm here still
But i'm due to come back
Pretty soon
But it
It does hurt
And when i get back
You're going to be a away
I just don't know why you did this to me
I don't know this for preparation
So you understand why how i will feel when you're away next week did i do something
I could deserve this
I can't say what you did we're 这个话题
Uh so for those who don't know broong means to wrong is like to let or to allow so we artherr i have run n wewe've taltalking to um
Talking to chinese people
Talking to some chinese women
Who say you know yeah
Yeknow i tried to break up with him
I said i wanted to break up
But top a wronwa
Which means he won't let me him
So so so we're still together
And
And that makes me scratch my head
And say oh
How how does that work
What do you think about this answer
Yeah
I know the prowrong is very confusing
Also wrong is when you learn chinese
You learn it wrong is uh let
But it has a little bit of making a um
You know like as i enforced me to do something
他让我做
You know it's kind
Kind of is uh a sort of an excuse should 他让我做
He
He's the one made me do it
You know so is a little bit of let does a little bit of make um a force ce or even
And also like the yild science
They called wrong science
Yes
They are yeah
But the thing is that i find is weird is if
If i had a girlfriend
And she was like ii want to break up with you
I think it would be so awkward to be like
No
I'm not letting you
And then she was like okay
But then you're still together like you know you
She just tried to break
She just told you
She wants to break up
And you're like now we're still together
And shelike
Oh Okay
That doesn't sound ound ideal from the kind of relationship
But i need to be in
Well you know it takes two to break up
Yes No It
It madoes a concept
As a as a divorce
It reminds me
Me of diororce laws
Where you know in many countries i think china included
But certain in the uk
If you get divorced
It's this two kinds of divorce
One way you both agree
And one where one of you doesn't want to get divorce
And usually one one of you doesn't want want to get divorce
It's a more complicated process
And it's more drawout
Might
May might take more years to get started that kind of thing
But normally this is boyfriends and girlfriends talking about the war
A browwa
A broonwa
Yeah
So so there's been a couple
We've been asking people
Some people say they've never heard of this councept before an arthoronaria little bit suspicious of these claims
While alilying they pold event they ford of
Yeah
It's also like um
There's a sort of a concept
That i think is specific to um china chinese culture
Or i don't know maybe essation culture more generally is that to break up with someone
You like need a reason
Yes
You need a reason
And so you don't really have a good
It's like your reason is in good enough
Yes
Yeah
But can you
If you notice that it's not just for relationships
Um
It's also for work
So sometimes somebody would be like i want to leave my job
And i spoke to my 老板
I spoke to my boss 是dpupubroa wzol whait's too like your reason isn't good enough
It's right listen
I'i've listened to your reasoning here you say you want to leave
You say want to go back to your hometown
But i don't think it's a good enough reason
And for that reason i'm not glad let you go right
It's very strange
There's another analysis that i've heard recently
Which is actually the girl when she says i want to break up with you is actually testing the boy
Yes and so i don't know
I can
Can
Can you expand that a little bit more ms a little bit confused by this
This idea that i just brought up
I guess what they mean is if the boy doesn't contest and just says
好吧
那就final you know okay
Fine were broken up
Then it's obviously over
But if he cares enough
And he says i'm not going to allow that
I'm not going to allow you to break up with me
It's susign that the relationship has kind of more more going great
He loves you enough
He won't let you go
And then maybe the the woman has put the man into some kind of provitionary period
Yes
Where it's like right now i'm telling people that i tried to break up with him
But he won't let me
Because i'm wanting to see
If he can change or meet make the changes that i need in order to want to stay with him
So it's a when
When people ask me
If we're together
I say yeah
We're together
I broke
I tried to break up
He said
Brown
Maybe that's
That's a status in in it of itself yeah of a relationship
It should you mean like well on a social media apperate is relationship stata single separated divorce
And then bunron it's like a half to separate ate or or half way to getting back together
Right that's your broong i mean is are is there other men who say that
Who say i tried to break up with my girlfriend
But top brown wn phicishow
Oh
That's a good way
Ve it seems like i hear more from women
If is it a gender thing
I think it probably it from my based on my experience
I think it's gender yeah
I think it's a stathing that that women bring up
But then it seems like these days women bring up
Breaking up more than men that's certainly what they talk about online
Yeah
Yeyeah
We means crazy in sel
Guys constantly telling us that is women break up with men more than the other way around
And if
If it weren't for the terrible women
That all men would be in perfectly good relationships
Right you're the women can't break up with them
That's right this sounds like the perfect relationship duit she can never break up with you
Persic for me
That i kind of illegally at least i oh her
And it just makes everything more simple cool
Well
That was interesting
Interesting topic
Yeit's really great
I like that now just flacking up at the end of the show
Today if you were thinking of leaving now is not the time to leave
Because
Because we have a big announcement coming up at the end of the show
So 'll want to stik around for that
But in the meantime um
If you have a question for us
Where should people send that questions for all they should follow a which
众号
We should
Should
We which had public account get on that public account you too by the official account i can't understand what the thing is the we ch had official account get on their follow us leave us an audio message with your question
Your thought
Your query um or ununless yeah
Ah last week you did this incredibly smoothly um all you could send us an email to the open share at one six three dot com um for new listenss poll
What kind of a show would you say we are we're a call in advice slash discussion show we're looking to be sort of having aa back and forth with the audience send us your questions about yeah
Relationship stuff um
Whether it be romance
Friends
Family or just or anything cultural uh
Anything cross cultural um
We just want to hear from you
And then of course we love to hear feedback on the show uh you of course negative positive feedback
Neutral feedback
Any of it anything in between we just love to hear from you
Great fantastic
Well that was aa very good description of the show will keep that in the alkeive and probably use it in future shows
I think Oh
You wanted
I thought this was all life anyway it ssends take a break
We'll be come back it straight into listening questions
I really enjoy baking and make a lot of things at most most weebisiscuscake scones that sort of thing
Sometimes when we go to visit friends
I take something with me at turn of biscuits or some some ke ke specispecii know know they''ve been able
Able to do any baor
Or they don't really enjoy baking
Or theyve been ill
Or something is that strange
Would they think that i was showing off
Or that i was reflecting badly on narrow onability to bake
What do you think when she says biscuits
She's not talking other things you eat with graaby
She's talking
But shshe's talking about french fries right chriis she
She mean potato chips
It's right
She's talking about cookies just to be clear about about that it's gets a cookies
So cookies and cakes
She's taking cookies and cakes to friends
Um
And she's worried that they are going to think that she's kind of showing off
Because the're not faking for her
This is a slightly man
This is so
This is what my
My company is actually called overthink right
And i think this is kind of a classic example
That generosity is somehow insuulting
Which i don't know it mean is sh's going to the house and saying
Oh Look
I've acyou some bread
Because i know that you're too clulumbyou to do it yourself
I know
I don't think she's saying that she's probably like she sounds like a very sweet woman
She's probably just like here
Here takes
Takes some bread
Whatever i bet she's really locky about it
Yes
It's like giving money to poor people
But theare 're like
No
I don't think we should give them any money
They might be offended
Because we're
We're saying their poor
Right
Right
You know i mean
Yeah
I mean at some point
If they're insulted
Then they're petty
And we need to stop thinking too much about how they're thinking about us
I think that you gotta be very careful with gifts
I think you can get into the habit of always taking gifts to people
I have friends
Who do this
You know they're always every time they come round
They bring flowers
They bring snacks
They bring something
The only thing i'd worry about is not so much
It's showing off
It's more that it puts pressure on me to do the same when i go the other way around like to sort of diminish the gift giving of seeing people uh regularly i mean
I rarather see someone regularly than see the occasionally and get like crazy gifts
Yeah
Because it's like i'm foutless and
And selfish
I don't want to be sucked in to your world of kindness and generosity
I just can't do that and actually
Yeah
You're right
It's like
Oh
Now every time i see you
I have to bring you the
The fat and caf like
Like i and some roses
I'm just not going to hang out with you
Anymore it can be intimidating
That's the only worry about it
That it's not that you see i wouldn't worry about what the caller is worried about that people would be intimidated like oh
My god e's so good at baking i be more worried that they will think oh
I can't see her this often
Because you know we can't drop down around their place
Because i going to to have to take something if i buy something
It's not going to look as good
Because she went to only effort of cooking something
Baking something right
So ii think that it's important
Remember the friends want to see something
Any way whether or not you bring gifts around
Even if vacionally you ing ing gifts
I would peronally
My princicipldon't
Don't get friends into hahabit of thinking as always
Always going to be gifts
Because it put so much pressure on
You have to think of imagine as the gifts
Every time or make a better thing
A baker
Better thing or um
You know something more extravagant um
And it puts a lot of pressure on
I'd rather just turn up in a coffee
But
But i think you're right
Don't over thinking if you enjoy doing the baking um
And you can minimize the sense
That it's a massive gift
Is just something you enjoy doing
You don't need them to do the same return
Then i think it's
Then i think it's absolutely fine yememean
If it is true generosity and the person that's doing the baking
Really enjoys the process
Then it's actually just perceived baggage on the person is accepting it
There is no baggage
Yeah
That's right
There's no baggage
That just some delicious cookies crisps
I've got a friend
He's a new executive coming to china
And he is finding himself in negotiation with local chinese business leaders
And he struggling with the fact
That they seem to go off topic and talk about things that are not related to the issues hhand
And when they do talk about issues at hand
They seem to raise issues
That shouldn't be issues or seem unimpimportant to the to what they're actually negotiating
Is you have suggestions on how to coach somebody like this to understand the indirect way that people tend to go to topics
And how to either teese out in the conversation what's really wanted or how to go back and interpret what what they they not what they think what they what is coming up
That they're hearing
Many many years ago
I worked in a magazine
And i was running the editorial
So i was
I was the editor um
And just occasionally we would go for a meeting with the sales department
Who was selling ads in the magazine um to meet a potential client
Just to help them to understand like these sort of editorial um h line of the magazine
So you know
We could tell them directly to meet do this kind of thing
We write these kind of articles
This is our tone and all the rest of it not to directly so ll had just to speak to them
So i went along to a particular meeting with the boss of an airline
And i'm not going to name them
Because it might be a little embarrassing 秋trinso
But we went along to the meeting of an airline
And before we went in
The sales guy from my company said to me
Oh
This is literally two minutes before we walked in
He said by the way he doesn't like to talk about business
So always like
So why why are we here um
But he was like don't worry
Don't worry
It's just a friendly chat
So we went in
And the guy said to me
Oh
So nice to meet you
I've heard about you away from i said i'm from england
We spent about twenty minutes talking about england
He been there a few times we talked about my family
I asked him about his family
And this went on for an hour
And then suddenly felt like the meeting was ending my colleague um to stood up
And we started to head out
And as we had out the boss of this airline company shoot my hands
And said um we're great
That's fantastic
I think we have a deal will
Will be advertising from next issue
So in other words
The point was the conversation
The point was the chat
He just wanted to know that i was someone who could get along with there was no need to do business in that um
And sometimes i think that's what those meetings are about
I mean i'm not a business person
So i don't really understand the matchinations of how these things sof fit together
The different nuones types of meetings you have
But i do know that
You know when we audition somebody body a fililm to be be be an actoriner an advert or something
Sometimes those conversations up ununnot conversations about can you perform the scenwhile or can you read from
From scscripthethey're often just about getting to know somebody and getting a few elfor who have i even heard theories that when you interview for recruiting someone for your
For your own company to find a new member of staff
Find a new employee
Having a chat with them
About themselves is actually
More or less
As effective as you know
Talking through their cv
Yes
That is total sense to me
You know
Sometimes i think it's okay to embrace the chatiness of these things
If you just trying to find somebody
You know you going to do some work with them
And that works going to be extensive and take place over a long time
You do want to know you're going to get allong
And sometimes youjust work out
Kind of what kind of person they are
And what they like to talk about
Is
Is as useful as anything
You know that from a company
You know the company does this thing
It's not like
There's necessarily an enormous amount of technical things
You need to go into in the meeting
You just want to know what with you are going to fufuand going to
To with
With them
Somesomebody you feel
You
You can talking through with it's not necessarily a problem
That could be what's the
The ood
That
That could be what do they say about a thing
It could be a what
What's happif i had a stroke
It could be a burden
No
Would you
You know
When you say a device
That has the thing
You think is it
Oh
It's something
It's not a bug
It's
It's something not a bug
Feature
A feature
It's a bug
When
When we do this
This
When we doing this poadcast in forty years time
And i've completely lost it
This is how all of our conversations will go right
It don't mostly just be us trying to remember words
That's
That will be like seventy percent of our answer to these gols
Yeah
I think along with what you're saying is don't is go into these things with no expectations
Even though that's really hard and a lot of this
It may be as you see it less efficient than it would be another than what you're used to
And it is more direct
But i would say you know have just try to hang out
And have a good time show them
Them way that you're thoughtful about what they're saying and buy them something that would be useful
Based on what they said so look for a way to integratiate yourself with them
Also look for a way
Where they you're creating a situation
Where they could um feel like there are under some obligation to pay you back for something um okay
Ay ay
Ay suggesting bringing biscuits may be your cakes so might be useful
Yeah
Bringing biscuits or cakes
Or if
If it comes up in this conversation
I just always be aware of like
Oh you know my daughter
She really loves sponge bob
Blab
Bb Bb Or
Or something and then like guit
Now that's a really bad example
Bring her sponge bb
Bring her sponge bob
This is this
This great business advice here
So you saying in a it meeting may be bring a sponge bob
Might be a good thing to have in the bag
No No
I mean just just figure out away
That you can show them that you were listening and we're thoughtful
And also create a situation
Where they may feel like there
If you created some kind of obligation on their part to continue with you ii really like the idea of listening
Like i think you know this iswaste ted time
When someboy's telling ling about themselves or shooting the breeze
I mean you might learn for exam
But there's somebody whose way too indirect
You're going to find it really difficult to deal it might
Might be that's the problem
And you can learn that through listening to what they 're saying i mean you don't waste more than one meeting
So it's just a meeting
You're going a throw away a meeting
It might be that not they're not the kind of people to do business with on the other hand
Sometimes it's just a kind of a habit
The people get into
When they get into these kind of pollanguage
Polite discussions
Where you just saying you know surface stuff small talk in which case ase you've taken the measure of them
Then i think you can throw in a bit of humor
You can be like all you know
I'm you know as americans
We like to be able more direct
How about we do with you know
You can throw in you know too
You can be kind of open about what
What you thinking about what's going on
And thing as long as you
You do it
Self dedeplicating way point to it
People we're crazy
Look out look out
Crazy
I am look at this
We just love guns and violence
Exactly that's the kind of
Of bring ing a gun
Bring a sponge ball
Brings some business okay
Hea different props
You could bring creating that sense of obobgation ation right
My question is how much do you think ai should be used in creative processes
Like song writing
Writing stream plays in writing books
Like what are you
What are your thoughts on the recent i mean well not so recent
Hollywood wriststrike
This is like i think most
When i was in the states and in a social situation
If i heard someone bringing up ai i was immediately looking for a way out of the conversation
I hate talking about ai
I'm not interested in ai
People are constantly telling me that a is going to take away my jobs on my work
It's absolute garbage
It's absolute garbage
I know surely
Whatever in five years
Maybe i won't have a job
But whatever i guess off
You know people change
Things change
I had just i'm so tired of this conversation
The thought experimenpoor
What of this
What if that's i'm done
Remember that maybe this is why
This is like why i'm going to be poor
I mei'm not poor
Of course we make millions off this podcast
But this is
I think you know when smart phones came
I was also like how these are awful
I don't get my first smart phone until like twenty fourteen
Because i was like this look terrible
I can't like this
This looks like a disaster to me
And it is a disaster
It has kind of turned out to be
Whatever i mean not it's more complicated than that
But there was like a book by that due
That was like rich dad
Poor dad i'll be
I think i'm to be the poor dad
But if i've already resigned myself to be the poor dad
But don't want to resign myself to having to listen to people talk about ai i'm done
So i've got a plot
I think to get rid of aii to remember that ononline you have ver see that video of someone calling to i think they were chinese take away in the us
And they just put the phones next each other
And then they talk to each other
Yes
Ii en so i think the way to get rid of a eyes
To just have two as talk to each other okay
And they'd be so it would go on forever
And they'd so distrstracabout themselves about themselves
They can talk to about themselves just back forforth
Where where where they're headed
Why might get two ai boouts honor hoone each sit the moposite each other
And say okay talk about ai and anges let them go
Because i think that would bring them down
No no
I think it
It feels like
And it as far as it goes with the what she said about the hollywood writer strike
I think a few years ago i started to get the feeling
That it felt like netflix shows a lot of which i call like premium mediocer content
Like it looks really nice
Like it
It looks like it's
It's like cut in a certain way that feels really really well done
But it's actually just not well written or just like always kind of leaving me feeling disappointed somehow
Yeah
So like for premium mediocer content
There was that one
What was that one called about the girl chess player remember that the queen's gambit
Yes
I watched that
And i was feeling like it really feels like this was written by ai
The whole set up for the algorithm for the way that each point came together
Seem like it was built by an ai
It's like okay into a period piece
Here you know like oh
Nineteen sixties put all all the forget all the fashion in spend like a million dollars on a wardrobe and set and coloring
And then it's like okay
Then
Then we put in the
The underrepresented identity
Okay shuffle
That put that in there with
With the period peace
And then like here's the
And then there's like some other variable in this formula
That is put together by an algorithm
That is becomes premium and premium mediorcer content
And it feels like it's generating itself
Yes
Yeah
I know what you mean
I can
I can
I was ok with queen's gamber
But that that exact feeling are talking about i
I've had many many times
And i agree
There were shows where they just feel kind of i don't know they like sixty five percent all the way thethey're good enough
But somehow in a total that just very underwhelming
And they feel like they take ck to all the boxes
So it's kind of hard to describe why they're not very satisfying
But they just kind of lack aa edges
They lack texture
They lack something that makes them feel kind of unique and created
They just feel like yeah
They've been made a
Made on a conveable
That does a good simulacum of something
Something good good right
And i think maybe the sad
The sadness i feel at the end is that
It's not about to show it's that i watched the whole thing um yes
Cell haitors went to cell haitors finishing
Maybe there was a climax at the end of the show
Maybe i was engaged
But at the end i feel sad and empty
And i don't think it's
I think it's just because yeah i ended up
I actually did finish the whole show
And i ah think at that time back
You know i think we're going to end up with labels on shows
And you know other things
Creative things in general
I don't know atten and music
And it that label is going to say made by a human
Because there's
There's a little feeling of if i was to know that a show had the people
People i've talked about this with friends in
In the film industry
And my feeling is that
If i know a show is being completely created by and by ai my problem is that
I'm not really interested in the show out of context
I'm interested in humans grappling with human issues right and sometimes imperfectly you know not describing it well
Something i can bounce off
I'm not interested in some perfect thing that set up by a computer to entertain humans
That has no interest for me
The moment that i know it was made by ai
Then it has no interest
It's
It's almost in actually what's funny
Here this
This alalmost like a an argument against the whole like you know death of the author literary theory that i got when i was a college
Because you know death of the author
Where we shouldn't have to care their intention
And who they are
And where they came from it's just about the product on one cenent in on the one hand
I think that's an interesting exercise to say what is the product like
But just knowing that something was made by humans
Members of our species grappling with human questions is just makes it more meaningful
The okay
Thanks for the questions
And now we have some feedback come back to wes or dreree
We had a listener saying that though he could cope with the idea that one day he himself my guy he was overwhelmed by the thought that one day his son would die
So he would get off the feedback
You're um observnations on death
Were actually quay quite profound
I thought so keep it up
So thanks for your questions and the feedback um just a reminder
If you have a question or a feedback
Yourself and would like us to hear what you have to say and be on the show
Which are audio messages to
Are which had account
Official account
Which had official accounal account that say official account
You just follow it
You smash all the likes
And
And then you can leave us an audio message in there
Or you can send us an audio message to our email at the overshare at one six three
Dckcom
When you say at the overshare at one six three
I always that confuses me what is the word we should put before email
Would you go for an at what about a via e you
I generally say away from the violence okay
Yeah
Because i don't know
I don't know whether to say via or via
I usually try to stay away from how yes words like that
Like data and data
Oh
Yes rourout ii just want to say
I don't want to choose one
I don't want there to be two options controversy
Controversy with that
With that one that that is easy
Because i'm just not british great
So we're coming to the end of this episode of the official podcast and a drumrole very quick announcement
We're going to be on a hieightiis is that one of those words
He aught us i your tooth
We're gona be on a haeightes sabbatical and unpaid sabbatical and we're going to be on sabcountment with something like that we're gonto be on a ak ak
The next next kk
So so we'll be back before the end of july with a big announcement
Yeah
You guys are going to to your pants
It's
It's going
He's going to crazy hold on guys get yself praised for it
But in the next couple of weeks
Were going to be back on this same feed with a world chattering announcement and others pregnant
But that's not the announcement
That's not the announcement
It's not that pol's not the father just declar this up
Polis not the father
Yeah
And i'm
I'm not getting divorce ce brobrown me
Yes i want to get a divorce
But she just she 不让我
So i guess to to stay with her forever
I know they
I'm trapped
没办法
没办法
他不让你
这没办法
他不让我
没办法
That's a great combination of two classics absolutely classicanyway
That's it folks
That's the end of this episode
We will see a bent again
Very shortly in the meantime
Please follow us on all our social media accounts
As well as shmmai i all those other place space with all those apple poadcast all the spots
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And we will see you next week
Well let's say it there's no
There's no by this week no
