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Looking back to the deep dive
So today we're uh taking a really fascinating look professional paths
That's right specifically how you navigate those big career choices
Yes
Especially when there's you know huge external pressure trying to push you one way
But your own passion
Your internal comppuass is pointing somewhere completely different
This deep dive is really for you the listener if ying to field attention trying to shield your own goals in a really high stakes environment
We've been digging into the story of india
She's a scholar who went from um the incredibly competitive hinnan educational system in china
Right the ultimate pressure cutter exactly all the way to landing an assistant professor job at a university in hongka ng
It's quite a journey so poventing here is going to too fold
First we want to trace that unconventional out shetalk you know choosing her pasin international litics s what everyone was probabtelling her economics was the safer bet yeand dd
We want to explore this really surprising
It's honely completely different infful lesson
She learned really early on about the the real cost of emotional really fefeance
Especially during those critical moments precisely and the central hook here is well
It's powerful
She did achieve her academicory um
She got the professssship right susucess cess by many meuures
But looking back
She strongly believes her foundational opportunities were sort of limited
No
So because she feels she let a single high school teachers emotional well sabotage dederail her performance on the gocow
And maybe she cleclear for the gocow for listeners who aren't familiar good point it's china's national university entrance exam
It's basically this one massive test the pretty much determines your entire university path
And often your career trajectory
After that huge stakes okay
So let's impact that starting point hinin in two thousand six high school leberal arstudent
And often enenvirment actually tually ggrowling is probably an understatement
The schedule she described it was intense like how intense six in a half days of study per week starting at seven in the morning
And they weren't dismissed until eleven zero at night
Eleven m yeah
And even on that half day off sunday afternoon
They were encouraged to do self study
That's almost unimaginable pressure
It is
But interestingly she did point out a positive side to it all
Oh
Was that
She said that share high stress environment actually forged what she called a revolutionary friendship
These really deep lifelong bonds
Oh Okay
So that shared struggle
Created connection make sense
But that same intensity that pressure cucker
It also set the stge for a pretty significant conflict for her personally right you menmention the teacher had it that unfold one in great eleven
She was doing great top of her class wearing to first or second okay
Flying high exactly
But then came great twelve the key class system meant top students merged and crucially lots of repeat students those retaking the year for a better gaokao ore came in so the competition level just sexist massively her rank dropped maybe eight thirty nine still good but a drop
And then came the new homeroom teacher
When she
She issues with yeah
She described him
As well sexist said he was constantly criticizing her undermining
Her confidence
And just her that's what she felt she recled led boys who were scoring much
Lower
Eight
Three nine
Twenty six
They were basically left alone
对对对
But she felt consistently targeted if that sounds awful any impact
It was pretty devastating for her performance
Especially her morale
She became really unhappy motivation just tanked and this led up to the goca
Yes and in that crucial exam the culination of everything
She got her lowest ever score in chinese
That's touw what her best subject
Her best subject think about that years of work distilinto this one exexbecause where her strggest as where she faulters largely she feels because of this external emotional weight
That's tough what's really striking those her reflection now years later successful academic
How did she see it
She has deeper cret specifically regret about letting someone
She was literally about to say goodbye to forever
Have such a profound impact on her future um that perspective of time
Right she wisshes sh'd recognized a back then for what it was emotional manipulation
Gas lighting
She uses the terms
Pua or cpu sort of modern slang for that kind of toxic could dynamic
And this really feels like the core lesson here something that applies way beyond the gococow conacts
Absolutely her regret isn't just all i wish i got better better score seeseems to be about losing that sense of agency
Right when it mattered most extly tually she erally
Ally she felt right it not fullutilize all her talents because that prove too much weight to this temporary toxic relationship
Instead of focusing on her own performance
So the take kefor of all for all of this
Really yeah
Whether you're facing a big exam
A job interview
Any high stake situation
Yeah
It's that protecting your own mental space
Your focus from that kind of external saboge
Yeah
It's just as criticals the actual preparation didn't agree more
And that emotional interference that lower gow cow score
Yeah
It directly led to the next phase having to choose within an tighter constraints right ah that scscs or that emotion top teer universities in china
You know the single was the pekings the food ands um
They were just off the table for her instantly impossible and remember the context
We mention ed hon province a million testitakers
That year one million competing for a very small small number slolots at a lead schools
So every point on that goucow mattered immensely that lower score really narrowacher options
So when she was in the applying and getting in
She got into shanghai international studies university csu
Which is you know a fantastic university especially for language in international studies
But very selective wasn't
It incredibly selective from hin on that year they only admitted fifteen students total so in science streams only seven in liberarart
Wow
So getting into the seu was still a major acachiement ment defintely tely when she was n't in the majors available to her were limited
Because she wasn't in that absolute top gaokaw score
Ore acket okay
So what were were chochoices is things like finance
Economics
Some intensive second foreign languages like german or french
Yeah
Then there was international politics
Ah H Kay
And this is where the passion versus pragmatism thing comes
Exactly her parents very understandably gave the practical advice go for financer economics
Get a good job straight away
Precisely that was the standard sensible advice
Especially for that generation in china secure employment was key
But she didn't go for it
No
But she really dggin her heells
She wanted international politics or political science
She called it a childhood love
A child had love
That's quite a reason to defy practical advice
But such a high pressure device
It really speaks to how strong that internal pool was for her at a key point
She didn't get her absolute top choice university
But within the choices
She did have she fought for her passion
That was not negressible for her
That's a critical distinction choosing passion within constraints so political science
It was what does it actually entail in the chinese system is it similar to here
Yeah
Largely she explained it follows this sort of american model four main branches international relations or politics
Political philosophy
Domestic politics like research specifically on china
And compared tive politics studying other countries okay
So she followed that intellectual spark how was the atmospbly scisuyou
When she get there very diligous
She said
Especially the language students they were incredibly hard working up about six am for early morning readment
Wow still intense
Then definitely rigorous
But she did mention feeling a bit of a gap
Intellectually how so for someone really drawn to social sciences
Political theory
She found there wasn't a huge culture of debating core social issues or deep philosophical questions among her peers so lots of hard work maybe more focused on practical skills like language fluency less on theoretical discussion
That seemed to be her impression rigorous
Yes
But especibe the lacking the kind of sufficient nourishment
As she put it for deep social science engagement okay
So that intellectual hunger maybe feeling a bit unsatisfied
That sounds like a perfect set up for thinking about grasthere
Exactly
Which brings us to section three
The move towards research in hang gk kag
What prompted that specific jump to honkong
Well
Her university says s you apparently had a strong study of broroad culture
Lots of students went overseas
Mainly us
Canada
Australia okay
So was common to leave mainland
China for further studies
Yes
But her reason for choosing honkong ong adculture
是的是的
Well wonderfully quirky
Oh
Not purely academic
Not initially
No
She said she was just obsessed with honkong tv dramas
From when she was a kid seriously tv dramas ininfluced a major academic decision
I love that right
It just shows how sometimes these really personal nonlenineer interest can be the actual drivers
Even for serious academic path
It was that cultural fascination first
So that cultural interest letter to look in the cultural universities for graduate study
Exactly
And when she started
Looking
She had to navigate the types of programs available
There right well e're the main options generally two types for postgraad
There are top programs usually one year lots of course work more professionally oriented
Maybe no big thesis okay
And the other research programs these are longer typically to the three years for a masters leading into aphd or straight p interest right absolutely require a substantial thesis and defence
It's the dedicated academic track
And that's the past she chose the research one
Yes
She was ws research masters a essentially aphd track
It's harder to get into you need a good cva strong research proposal showing you have potential
But usually comes of funding right that's the key advantage research track spots almost always included her scholarship or studenship
That covers tuition and living costs taught masters usually down
So this decision it wasn't driven by say job prospects
But purely by this her inner calling as she put it a genuine interest in doing research in becoming a scholar
And crucially her parents were supportive
Ah that's impimportthey didn't pressure her to go out earn money
Quickly no she mentioned they were supportive of her pursuing this research spots
Which gave her the freedom to actually do it that family support seems vital okay
So she embraces this path
The idea becoming a scholar
Which leads us neatly into section for the actual reality of that life
Especially the fast pace ed place like honkong right
Because i think many people might romanticize academic life
You know tweet jackets quite libraries
Endless time to think yeah
The free demasfor back exactly
And there is a paradox of freedom she noted
And there's no strict nine to five or nine
Nine six clock in culture
Like in some industries
You don't necessarily have to be in the office at a am
You can often work from home
Sounds flexible
It's pregralar actually
Because there's a bloot isn't
There's a big but t she mediately followed that up by saying the demands are incredibly intense her sort of model for it was stark scholars have no vacation
Who was vaction meaning the work is always there the hlrequired her huge
She was very clear
Trying to get good results by just putting in two hours of work per day
It's simply
Impossible
Because the work is intellectual self driven
Yeah doesn't just switch off
Precisely she described it as all pervasbed woging buu
It seapps into everything
How did she explain that like she might be cooking or spending time with family
But part of her brain is still turning over a research problem and article idea
The line between life and work
Becomes extremely bllarry that sounds exhausting outacuacally for junior faability right trying to get tenure absolutely for an assistant professor on the tennior track
The pressure is immense
If you look at how there are evalutive for protetion and tennier
There usually three main pillars
Each are research
Teaching and administrative or community service okay sensense
But is the waiting equal not usually especially at the junior level in a research focused university
Like those in hong gg g for an assistant professor
Aiming for tenure research is absolutely paramount
Everything else supports that every research output is key
And that means publications right getting papers out
Exactly it often voils down to metrics
How many articles have you published
Crucially
Where did you publisher
The quality and ranking of the academic journals are incredibly important so pressure to publishing specific high impact
Often international journals intense pressure getting papers into those top tears sometimes called t one journals
That's the main currency
That constant demand for high level output is what really defines the job much more than the perceived flexibility
So the freedom is really just the freedom to work constantly
Wherever in whenever you need to that's a good way to put it
The flexibility is in how you meet the relenentless demands wouldn't redial ble ory though
Though that
That inan pressure cooker fighting through the alcohol after math navigating university constrainth though dridriby by chilchilhohod love ve political ideas
So now facing the intense intellectual pressures of the ten your attrack and oncome it really is a perwerful example of choosing your heart's desire seems so in young like she said finding satisfaction
Even when the reality maybe looks quite different from what you might have imagined as a teenager definitely
But it's impossible to ignore that shadow
Our high school years isn't
It that seems to be the less
She really wanted to share it really does she circles back to it still regrets not being perhaps tougher internally not shishielding herself better from that teacher's negativity that emotional abuse
Because she believes a higher gaokascore could have changed everything
She wonderers about the infinite possibilities might have opened up
Getting into singsinga a prea king ybe a completely different initial trajectory
She found her path
Yes
But feels she had to navigate a narrow or channel
Because of that early in her ference
She
She leain it
But a cost her option
Which leaves us with a really critical
And i think universal question for you will listener
Okay
We've seen the potential long term cost here
Letting temporary emotional stuff external negativity
Which promise a fundamental opportunity
So thinking about your own life
Your own high stakes
Moments could be an exam
A big presentation
A career chachatting how consciously are you working to protect your own focus your retal state from that kind of external toxiliity or emotional abotage
Letting preparation just about the content
The knowledge
Or is it also about actively safegarding your own agency in that moment
