Rachel：
Entering
Hi
Monica：Hey
Phoebe：Hey
Rachel：So what's the final head count on my baby shower
Monica：Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it
Rachel：What My mom's not gonna be here
Rachel：My God
Monica：
Interrupting her
Oh give it a rest
Rachel：So my mother is not coming to my baby shower
Phoebe：No
Pause
Neither is mine
Rachel：I don't know
Monica：Go I have it in my book Go
Rachel leaves and Monica calls Mrs Green
To Phoebe
Wait a minute If you're in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call her HelloMrs Green Hi it's Monica Geller
Monica：
On phone
Hi umm I know this is last minute but we've decided to throw an impromptubaby shower for Rachel today
Mrs Green：For what dear For not inviting me or lying about it
Monica：
To Phoebe
Oh my God my a*s is sweating
On phone
Please Please Can you come It's today at four
Mrs Green：Well all right I'll see you at four
Monica：Thank you
Hangs up
Phoebe：Isn't it at three
Monica：Son of a *****
Calls Mrs Green again
Opening Credits
Chandler：Hey Joe You wanna shoot some hoops
Ross：Oh cool
Chandler：That's great
In a ***y voice
Dr Drake Remoray but by night I'll be
In an announcer's voice
Joey Trrrribbiani
Chandler：You'll be perfect for this That's already your name
Joey：But the audition's in a couple hours and I don't even understand the game
Ross：Well do you want some help
Joey：Oh really That'd be great You guys can be the contestants
Ross：Awesome
Joey：
Announcer voice
All right Let's play Bamboozled
Chandler：Bamboozled
Ross：
Simultaneously with Chandler
Yeah
Chandler：
Simultaneously with Ross
No
Waves
And uh
Waves
Chandler：Bogota
Chandler：What does a Wicked Wango card do
Chandler：Higher or lower than what
Joey：This is embarrassing
Looks it up
Chandler：
To Ross
Can you believe how lame this is
Monica：You ordered a stripper for the shower That is totally inappropriate
Phoebe：What He's gonna be dressed as a baby
Mrs Green enters
Oh hi Mrs Green
Monica：Hi
Phoebe：I'm so glad you could make it
Mrs Green：Try There's my little girl
Goes over to Rachel
Monica：She's still mad
Phoebe：Yeah I know Isn't it great One less person we have to make small talk with
Monica：Okay I can do that
Pause
I gotta go powder my a*s
Rachel：Okay
Mrs Green helps her up and they walk over and get some tea
I think that's your mother's crazy
Mrs Green：Such a sweet woman
Mrs Green：Oh Rachel
Rachel：What
Mrs Green：I just had the greatest idea I'm gonna come live with you
Rachel：Wh wh what What
Rachel：Yes Yes I do
Ross cuts him off by taking a deepbreath and holding it
Chandler：Let me see that
Joey：This one right here
Ross whines
Chandler：Triscadecaphobia
Ross：
Exhaling
The fear of Triscuts
Chandler：Fear of Triscuts
Chandler：This game makes no sense
Ross：Y'know what You're just upset because you're losing
Chandler：Let me think Let me think Oh I don't care
Joey：You you must choose Mr Bing
Chandler：I'll take a card
Ross：What
Chandler：This game is kinda fun
Ross：
To Chandler
You don't think it's a little crazy that you get all my points just 'cause you
Chandler：I don't think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other
Rachel：Why did you invite my mother
Monica：What
Rachel：She wants to move in with me and Ross to help take care of the baby
Phoebe：For how long
Monica：I personally would be honored if she wanted to live with me
Phoebe：She can't hear you
Rachel：Okay
She goes over to tell her mother
Monica：
To Phoebe
This is great Now she's gonna be mad at Rachel Y'know what And I'm justgonna swoop in there and be like the daughter she never had
Phoebe：I have new respect for Chandler All right everybody It's time to open the presents
Mrs Green goes into the kitchen and Rachel follows her
Rachel：Mom that's okay that you didn't get you a gift
Mrs Green：Really Remember Twinkles
Rachel：He was a hamster I am not going to vacuum up my baby
Mrs Green：Oh look
Rachel：Wow
She's holding an item with a large suctioncup connected to a yellow plastic box with a long narrow tube and bottle connected the yellowpart
Wait a minute That can't be right Is that a beer bong for a baby
Woman：It's a diaper genie
Woman：No It's where you put the dirty ones
Mrs Green：Oh you're gonna do that ten times a day
Rachel：What It goes ten times a day What are we feeding this baby Indian food
Everyone gasps
What What'd I do What'd I do
Mrs Green：You can't leave a baby alone
Rachel：Oh come
Stutters
Of course I know that I mean of course you never leave a babyalone I mean who would she wouldn't be safe as she would be with me the baby dummy OhGod okay Y'know what I think opening the presents right now is a little overwhelming right now So I think umm I'm just gonna maybe open them a little bit later but thank you all for coming And for these beautiful gifts and this basket is beautiful
Woman：It's actually a bassinet
Hugs her
Commercial Break
Joey：
To Chandler
In what John Houston film would you hear this line Badges We don't needno stinkin' badges
Chandler：Treasure of the Sierra Madre
Joey：Correct There's a possible backwards bonus
Chandler：Madre Sierra the of Treasure
Joey：Yes
Chandler：I'd like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please
Chandler：Six
Joey：
Makes a sound like a m
That noise can only me one thing
Chandler：
Disappointed and simultaneously as Ross
Hungry m
Ross：
Excited and simultaneously as Chandler
Hungry m
To Chandler
Haaa
To Joey
I'd like aWicked Wango card
Starts humming the themeto I Dream of Genie
Ross：
Thinking
Oh
Pause
Oh Oh my God Okay I know this give me give me a second
Chandler：Tell it to the Time Turtle
Ross：Shut up I Dream of Genie
Ross：I'd like to spin the wheel
Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars onthe wheel as it slows and comes to a stop
Chandler：
Annoyed
Oh come on
Ross：Is there a hopping bonus
Joey：Of course
Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg
Joey：Who invented bifocals
Ross：Ben Franklin
Joey：Correct Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest
Ross：Queen Victoria
Ross：Noooo Every time
Chandler：I'd like a Google Card
Joey：Are you sure
Chandler：Yes
Pause
No
Pause
Chandler：Nooo
Ross：Yeah
Chandler：This is the best game ever
Mrs Green：Of course I am
Starts to get up
Rachel：Wait wait where are you going Where are you going
Mrs Green：I'm going to the bathroom
Rachel：Okay
Mrs Green：Now don't worry Everything's gonna be okay
Hugs Rachel while she is standing andRachel is sitting seeing this Monica decides to join in on the hugging by hugging Mrs Green frombehind her back
Monica：It is going to be okay
Mrs Green glances over her shoulder and glares at Monica whileshe heads for the bathroom
It was worth a shot
Ross：
Entering out of breath
Hey
Phoebe：Hey Why are you all red and sweaty
Ross：I just Bamboozled Chandler
Flexes in victory while everyone stares at him
Which is not *****ual thing That was a quick shower
Phoebe：Not if you were here
Ross：Wow It looks like we got a lot of good stuff
Ross：
Excited
A Play Dough Barber Shop
Rachel：No She's going to live with us for eight weeks
Rachel：Yes She's gonna help us take care of the baby Woo hoo
Sees that Ross isn't happy
Mrs Green：
Entering from bathroom
Hi Ross
Ross：Hi roomie
Hugs her and looks at Rachel
Joey：
Announcer voice
It's a pleasure to meet you Ray
Ray：And this is Duncan
Points to the cameraman
And Erin they're gonna help us out with theaudition So uh let's get the camera rolling
Joey：
Announcer voice
Rightie O Ray
Ray：Whenever you're ready
Joey：
To the camera
Hello I'm Joey Tribbiani Let's play Bamboozled Erin you get the firstquestion In hockey who is known as The Great One
Erin：Wayne Gretzky
Joey：What Why
Joey：Well what's complicated You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden M you yank his tail andboom You're in Paradise Pond
Ray：Yeah all that's gone It's basically just a simple question and answer game now
Joey：Well what's fun about that You expect me to be the host of a boring game that's justpeople standing around answering questions
Joey：
Announcer voice to the camera
Let's play Bamboozled
Ross：Well we we don't have a garage
Mrs Green：Did I say garage I meant garbage
Mrs Green：Well Rachel needs help with the baby
Rachel：I do I really do I don't know anything
Ross：I'm I'm sure that's not true
Rachel：Oh no Pheebs Monica Do I know anything about babies
Monica：It's frightening
Mrs Green：That's true You do have another child
Ross：Yeah
Mrs Green：With another woman Have you no control Ross
Mrs Green：Well then you really don't need me to live with you
Mrs Green：You're gonna be a great father
Ross：Well you're gonna be a wonderful grandma
They hug
Rachel：Hello I still don't know what the hell I'm doing
Racheldoesn't believe that
Hey You will Uh look y'know when you first came to the city You were thisspoiled helpless little girl who who still used daddy's credit card Do you remember
Rachel：I hope you're going somewhere with this
Ross：Look at you What You're you're this big executive You are much more capable than yougive yourself credit for I I have no doubt you're gonna be an incredible mother
Rachel：Really
Ross：I'm telling you
Rachel：Thank you
Hugs him
Ross：Oh
Rachel and he start to stand up
Monica：
Laughs
You're still so funny You're so funny
To Phoebe
What do I do
Monica：Y'know what You're you're right
Monica：Really
Phoebe：Uh huh
Monica：Okay I will Mrs Green Mrs Green
She ignores Monica and Monica follows her out intothe hall with Phoebe in tow
It is rude to leave a party without saying good bye to the host Yeah and and also when someone apologizes to you the decent thing to do is to accept it Now what Idid to you it wasn't on purpose But what you're during to me now is just plain spiteful
Mrs Green：Spiteful
Monica：That's right Maybe it's time you took a good hard look at a mirror young lady oldlady lady
Phoebe：
To Monica
Wrap it up wrap it up wrap it up
Monica andPhoebe reenter the apartment and Monica closes the door on a stunned Mrs Green
I can't feelmy legs
Phoebe：You were fantastic I'm so proud of you
Monica：Yeah I'm proud of me too
Phoebe：You should be
Monica：Yeah could could could you get me something to drink
Phoebe：You got it
Monica：Okay
When Phoebe turns around Monica runs out into the hall after Mrs Green
Mrs Green Okay I'm really sorry I'm apologizing for the
She trips and falls down the stairs
Pause
Okay I bit my tongue but I'm still really sorry
Closing Credits
Rachel：
Closing a book
Okay I'm ready
Ross：You sure
Ross：All right then
Gets up in an announcer's voice
Rachel Green Let's play Bamboozled
Reading from a note card
How do you test the temperature of the baby's bath water
Ross：Excellent How do you put a baby down for a nap
Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat
Rachel：A card A card I pick a card
Rachel stares athim agape
I've lost sight of why we're doing this
Rachel gets up and walks away
