Pacing Floors (Explicit)

There's a map of my heartbreak

Etched into these floorboards

Back and forth

Back and forth

Wearing grooves where sleep used to live

Every step feels like a question

I don't want the answer to

Every breath feels like a lie

I tell myself just to get through another night

And the silence?

The silence is fucking loud

Louder than arguments

Louder than doors

Louder than the truth you never said

I pace because standing still

Feels too much like surrender

I'm not looking for closure —

I'm looking for air

Something to calm the tremor

You left in my chest

Pacing floors

Chasing ghosts

Counting every heartbeat

You don't know I lost

Pacing floors

Losing sleep

Trying not to break

In the places you couldn't see

Every night I walk these same

Four lines across the room —

Pacing floors

'cause it's the only thing

That drow't you

My phone lights up

My heart flinches

Not because I expect you

But because part of me

Still remembers when you used to care

It's pathetic

How the mind holds on

Long after the body knows better

I stare at the ceiling

Like it has something left to say

But it doesn't

It just mirrors me —

Silent

Tired

Hollow

And I keep pacing

Because stopping means feeling

And feeling means drowning

I tell myself I'm healing

But tonight

Healing feels like panic

Wearing a steady face

Pacing floors

Chasing ghosts

Trying to outwalk

The truth that hurts the most

Pacing floors

Losing sleep

Trying to quiet down the ache

You planted deep

Every night I trace the outline

Of the life I lost with you

Pacing floors

'cause it's the only thing

I still know how to do

Some nights I swear I hear you

The door, the sigh, the way you'd breathe

But it's just memory playing god

Teasing me

With the version of you

That loved me once

And maybe one day

I'll sleep again

But not tonight

Not while your absence

Still teaches my feet

How to move

Pacing floors

Until the night

Finally

Lets me go