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I
John austral
Truckie
Being of unsound mind and bump bruised body
Do hereby make my last will and testament
And bequeath my truck to the finance company
Who will end up with it anyway
To my wife
I leave all the loving she can stand
And a big apology for not being home more often
I also apologize for being so tired when I was home
And for wanting to go to bed too early when she wanted to go out
You know old girl
There was a pretty good reason for this
I really didn't get as much sleep on the road as you imagine
Not really
A lot of the time I was just too d**n tired
To my children
I leave all the wisdom
Most of us truckies never had
And I hope that none of you grow up to be dirty
Grease covered
Gear grindin' truck drivers like me
To all good
Clean
Honest truck stops
I leave the windscreen
Of my old truck
Which most of them didn't clean anyway
But I leave it just the same
As a shining example of their
Handy work and faithfulness
In helping me get to where I was going safely
To all the lousy
Filthy
Dirty truck stops
I leave a pair of dirty socks
And two pairs of dirt covered unmentionables that have been rolled up
And stuffed behind the seats in between the oil cans
I leave them so they can hang them up in their filthy rest rooms
And keep them as dirty as possible
So as to scare away any truckie
Who might dare enter that fever infested restroom
To all highway patrolmen
State policemen
Port of entry inspectors
Fruit fly inspectors
Tick gate patrolmen
Local constables and government regulators
I leave 316pounds of reading matter that includes
Law books
Motor vehicle guides
Regulations and other enforced bull dust
So they can become as fed up as I was
To honest
Fair lawmen
I leave a waving hand
In memory of
Their tolerance and understanding
Especially in the northern territory
Where hills are recognized as enemies of truckies
And the speed laws are almost as good as the roads
And may I say the same about queensland
To all other lawmen
I leave a waving hand
But I add a slightly different finger and wrist action
To the mayor of truck noise I leave a prepaid toll ticket
For a truck and trailer
Since I know that even he would have
A hard time paying the high tolls on that road
To the dear old town of booze up
I leave my gravel driveway
So the towns people including the local copper
Can walk on it barefoot to remind themselves of their own roads
Which are not almost heaven
To my wife also
I leave a map of australia
So she can discover
It really does take a day or two to cross two inches
Of the northern territory
Because this is a bloody big country
To new south wales I leave a recipe for coffee ough
Now to the truck stops who over price me on fuel
I leave the hope
That someday some stupid truck horn comes along in a truck horn
Big mack with a through hop trailer and flattens his bloody pumps
And now to the mayor of brake squealing noise
I leave one stone
To be placed on his desk and under each paper
Which he has to sign
Which will make it as hard to write as it was to drive on his roads
To all the good garages and dedicated shop foremen
I leave a word of thanks
For helping me to stay on the road
Even if it was only to pay their bill
And to all the crooks at the bad garages
I leave you the best of all
I leave you the tourists
To all the truck stops with little or no parking
I leave the
State of victoria
To be distributed in ten acre lots
To all the crummy pubs
I leave a freeway by pass
And to all the
Pubs that threw me out because of my language
Offensive behavior
Or indecent dress
I leave the solemn hope that their beer turns to soap subs
And all their drinkers riot and wreck the bloody place
To all the mugs who pinched the gear of my truck when I was
Sound of car passing and sleeping in cab or the gutter nearby
I leave the hope that their wife runs off with the local dirt collector
Last but not least
I leave to the government of australia
The firm hope that some leader
Some lawmaker
Somewhere
Will
Have the courage
Honesty and foresight
To get his sound of car horn
Into gear and pass some legislation providing for uniform loading
Of trucks and seek other ways to ensure further rights for truckies everywhere
And so being of unsound mind and worn out body
I leave my last 7
00to
Truck and bus magazine so my wife can read it and remember what a
Bloody good truckie she was married to and maybe miss me for another year
