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istartedtopayverycarefulattentiontowhatiwassaying
idontknowifthathappenedvoluntarilyorinvoluntarily
buticouldfeelasortofsplitdevelopinginmypsychinthesplitandiveactuallyhadstudentstellmethesamethingthathashappenedtothem
aftertheyvelisteenedtosomeofthematerialthatthatidbeendescribingtoallofyou
butisplitintotwoletssay
andonepartwasletssaytheoldme
thatwastalkingalot
andthatliketoargue
andthatthatlikekedideas
andtherewasanotherpart
thatwaswatching
thatpartlikejustwithitseyesopenandneutrallyjudging
andthepartthatwasneutrallyjudging
waswatchingthepartthatwastalkingandgoing
thatisntyouridea
youdontreallybelievethatyoudontreallyknowwhatyouretalkingaboutthatisnttrue
andithought
hmmthatsreallyinteresting
sonow
andthatwashappeningtolikeninetyfivepercentofwhatiwassaying
andsothenididntreallyknowwhattodo
ithought
okaythisisstrange
somaybeifragmented
andthatsjustnotagoodthingatall
imeanitwntlikewithhearingvoicesoranythinglikethatimeanitwasntlikethatitwaswellpeoplehavemultipleparts
sothenihadathisweirdcanondromislikewellwhichofthesetwothingsaremeisitthepart
thatslisteningandsayingno
thatsrubbish
thatsalie
thatsyouredoingthattoimpresspeople
yourejusttryingtowintheargumentinowasthatmeorwasthepart
thatwasgoingaboutmynormalverbalbusiness
me
andididntknow
butidecidediwouldgowiththecritic
andthenwhatitriedtodo
whatilearnedtodo
ithinkwastostopsayingthingsthatmademeweak
andnowthatimean
imstilltryingtodothat
becauseimalwaysfeeling
whenitalkwhetherornotthewordsthatimsayingareeithermakingmealineormakingmecomeapart
andithinkthealignment
ireallydothinkthealignment
becauseithinkalignmentistherightwayofconsumptualizingit
becauseithinkifyousaythingsthatareastrueasyoucansaythem
letssaythentheycomeup
theycomeoutofthedepthinsideofyou
becausewhenwedontknowwherethoughtscomefrom
wedontknowhowfardownintoyoursubstructurethethoughxymerge
wedontknowwhatprocessesofphysiologicalalignmentarenecessaryforyoutospeakfromthecoreofyourbeingwe
wedontunderstandanyofthat
wedontevenconceptualizethat
butibelievethat
youcanfeelthat
andilearnsomeofthatfromreadingcarrogersbythewaywhosagreatclination
thebecausehetalkedaboutmentalhealthinpartasthatcoherencebetweenthe
thespirituuor
theabsovethatstruactatthephysical
thatthetwothingswerealigned
andtheresalotofideaofalignmentinpsychianalyticandclinicalthinking
butanywaysidecidedthatiwouldstartpracticingnotsayingthingsthatwouldmakemeweak
andwhathappenedwasthatihadtostopsaying
almosteverythingthatiwassaying
iwouldsayninetyfivepercentofitasahellofashocktowakeup
andimeanthiswasoverafewmonths
butitsahellofashocktowakeup
andrealizethat
yourmostlydeadwooditsashockyouknow
andyoumightthinkwellyoureallywantallofthattoburnoff
itslikewhattheresnottheleftbutalittlehuaskfivepercentofyou
itslikewellifthatfivepercentissolidthenmaybethatsexactlywhatyouwanttohavehappened
alsoitoldyou
thatstoryisintheelaborationofthisline
andgodsawthattheweakenessofmanwasgreatintheearth
andthateveryimagineoftheimaginationofthethoughtsofhisheartwasonlyevilcontinuallytoquestionworthaskingjustexactlywhatareyourmotiveswell
youknow
maybetherearepure
thatminewere
anditscertainlypossible
idontthinkthatimnaturallyaparticularlygoodgoodperson
ithinkihavetoworkatitveryveryhard
andidontnecessarilythinkthat
everyoneislikethat
butsomepeopleareworsethanthat
andeveryoneslikethattosomedegree
soitsworththinkingaboutjusthowmuchtroubleareyoutryingtocauseyouknow
andtheotherthingyoumightthinkaboutisthat
ifyouredoingsomethingimportantwithyourlifebyyourowndefinitionbecausethatsthegamethatwereplaying
yougettodefinethetermsatleastinitially
maybeyourepronetocausetroublejustbecauseyoudonthaveanythingbettertodobecauseatleastitstroublebleismoreinterethanboring
youknowthat
somethingyoulearnifyoureaddustsski
dudostiy
sskiknewthatextraordinarilywell
andsoifyourenotdoingsomething
ifyourenotpushingyourselftothelimitsofyourcapacity
thenyouhaveplentyofleftoverum
whatwouldyousaywilpowerenergyandresourcestodevotetocausinginterestingtrouble
andsoalsoiwouldsaythisisalsoanarchitypalscenario
godsawthattheweakendssofmanwasgreatintheearth
andthateveryimaginationofthethoughtsofhisheartwasonlyevilcontinuallythatssomethingtomeditateonanditsnotselfdestructive
becausewhatitisisanattempttoitslikethediagnosisofanillness
itslikeifthatdoeshappentobethecaseforyou
ortosomedegreemaybeonlytenpercentofyou
orsomethingormaybeitsninetypercent
wellthencomingtotermsofthatisexcellentbecause
then
maybeyoucanstopdoingit
andwhatwouldbethedownsidetothat
youdhavetogiveupyourresentmentorobviouslyinyourhatred
andallofthat
andthatsreallyannoyingbecausethoseemotionsareverytheyreeasytoenggainintheirandtheyreengaging
andtheyhavethisfeelingofselfrighteousnesswiththem
andthatgoesalongwiththem
butyourenotdoingthis
inordertoputyourselfdown
youredoingthis
inordertoseparatetheweetfromthechaf
andtoleaveeverything
thatyoudonthavetobebehind
