Put a Wet Paper Towel on It

Came in with a nosebleed, thought the end was nigh

Told me they were dying and could see the light.

I tripped up in the playground and now I'm seeing stars

There's blood everywhere, I think it's gonna scar

No need for panic, no hospital trip

Forget the bandage, the sling, or the splint—

Put a wet paper towel on it!

Bit by a squirrel? Or swallowed a stick?

Don't need a doctor. This'll do the trick!

Put a wet paper towel on it

She says her head hurts, he fell down during play

One swears he's been coughing up glitter all day

Another just licked something suspicious and blue

But no worries, dear —I've got the cure for you

Don't call the nurse, don't cause a scene

I've got the ultimate remedy!

Put a wet paper towel on it!

Wrestled a tiger? Or fell in a pit?

Your arms not supposed to bend like this.

Put a wet paper towel on it!

For every bruise, for every wail

For every child who looks slightly pale

There's a time-honoured ritual, sacred and true

I hand you this towel and whisper,"You'll pull through."

Put a wet paper towel on it!

Feeling faint? Or caught the plague a bit?

Caught in a bear trap? fought a squid?

Put a wet paper towel on it!

Put a wet paper towel on it!

Put a wet paper towel on it!