Test 1: Who Do They Think You Are? (I'm Not Your)

Welcome

I hope you're having a nice day

Please, sit down

Get comfortable

Take a moment to silence your phones

Not just out of respect for the performers

But out of respect for yourself

Because if you're distracted

You might miss something meant just for you

This is a story about four people

Who thought they'd have some

Fun and make music

They were wrong

But we don't tell them that yet

For now

They're just tired, brilliant

And trying to be heard

Ready?

Here we go

It begins, as these things often do

With noise no one hears

The shuffle of lecture notes

The hum of a printer out of ink

A forced smile from someone

Who signs the evaluations

But not the paychecks

Four minds—clever, tired, brilliant

Drawn together by a shared fatigue

Not of students

Not of research

But of the thousand little absurdities

Between them and meaning

They don't start a band to be heard

They start one to scream

Without footnotes or filters

To turn spreadsheets into snare drums

To make the faculty handbook moshable

They call themselves Axioms of Mediocrity

They think it's clever

It's not that clever

Unless you're an academic

Who's had a few pints

But it doesn't matter

Axioms of Mediocrity it is

Not yet knowing

They're also the control group

This is Test 1

A pub

A storm

And a rant that turns into rhythm

It starts where all great rock begins:

With something that pisses you off

A student who wants their hand held

A system that calls that"support"

Kate's voice cuts through the noise

Sharp as a snapped guitar string

And from that noise

Comes a song

Song: I'm Not Your

Dear student

It baffles me that I must say

I'm not your parent in any way

I won't nudge you at the crack of dawn

Choosing classes?

That's on you, come on!

Act your age, step up to the plate

I'm just here to educate

I'm not your mother

I'm not your father

I'm not your friend

I'm not your clerk

Stand up, show up, do the work

Dear student, hear me loud and clear

I'm not your babysitter, dear

Party all night? That's your call

Homework done? Not my problem at all

Exams looming? You better prepare

Your future boss will know if you cared

I'm not your mother

I'm not your father

I'm not your friend

I'm not your clerk

Stand up, show up, do the work

Dear student, let's get it straight

I'm not your secretary, not here to wait

Won't fill your forms, nor google your stuff

Reading the syllabus isn't that tough

Being an adult isn't just a phrase

It's your ticket through this maze

I'm not your mother

I'm not your father

I'm not your friend

I'm not your clerk

Stand up, show up, do the work

Dear student, it's clear I must convey

I'm not your hire, not in any way

I do care, yet you must stand strong

Your life, your choice, right or wrong