Vanishing Point

I feel like the hands of time are holding a gun to my head

And the cancer phobia struggles to get in on it, instead

I don't even remember the thing that it was that I said

A couple seconds ago, ready to go Get up, out of bed

To my reflection: What kind of jerk do you take me for?

Had a swill of cold coffee in the same cup, from the day before

I don't care anymore Jumping the ship of reason

Prepared to even retire my convoluted ways of speaking

Feel like I'm going through the motions, again

Looking down from the cove, go and make the ocean descent

How far does the ocean extend? Big breath holding it in

Only olympic gold, when I swim

Praying for a shark bite, or something, in the back of my mind

Anything to get it off of it all closing in

I feel like a sardine Inner monologue sound like Sardine, so I stay alone with the pen

I told myself I wasn't even gonna do this anymore

Before I figure out what it's even all for, in the end

I mean, is it like Im not even supposed to pretend

That I'm not close to the edge, and act like I don't comprehend?

I'm a shell of my former self, just a ghost in the wind

Composed in my skin stretch marks from holding it in

Re-living the same moment again

Quotes from the field notes that I wrote from when had to go through the bends

I don't even know what I enjoy, anymore

I been racking my brain, only to get annoyed to the core

I been stuck in the constant cycle of destroy and restore

Im over everything and so I hit avoid and ignore

The mental fatigue of intrigue The spoils of war

Hands shaking, like when I was drinking poison, before

It's making sense, more and more, I can see it taking form

From the shore, the vanishing point that I've been looking for

I don't even know what I'm doing So much environmental distraction

My thoughts lacking any congruence

Self-governance failure, slow steady and do it

A change of perspective can get a loose thread running through it

Losing sight of the ambition that I'm even pursuing

And pushing past the point of failure, beyond reason and ruin

Chasing a fever dream, just to be so eager to lose it

I need a solution I need to get the key to improvement

I need to open up the door, I need to breathe and go through it

Can't even read the room because I'm so unspeakable stupid

I feel like I'm stuck in a state of never-ceasing confusion

And the only thoughts that I have are either mean or intrusive

Look me in the eyes I'm not being deep and illusive

I want to carbonise the meaning of being a human

Hard to articulate what it is that I've even been doing

Stuck in the same scene of my life, repeatedly looping

I don't even know what I enjoy, anymore

I been racking my brain, only to get annoyed to the core

I been stuck in the constant cycle of destroy and restore

Im over everything and so I hit avoid and ignore

The mental fatigue of intrigue The spoils of war

Hands shaking, like when I was drinking poison, before

It's making sense, more and more, I can see it taking form

From the shore, the vanishing point that I've been looking for