The Waiter and the Porter and the Upstairs Maid (Live)

As your genial host may I offer a toast

To the wine buying guest on my right

(Hooray for the wine buyer)

Yes drag out the cooking

Sherry for the old colonel

May his bank account grow

Heavy laden with dough

May he spend it in here every night

(Every night)

Seeing this night in its glory

You people so loyal so true

Puts me in mind of a story

Tell us about it pray do-o-o-o-o-o

The people in the ballroom

Were stuffy and arty

So I began to get just a little bit frayed

I sneaked into the kitchen

I dug me a party

The waiter

And the porter

And the second storey maid

I peeked into the parlour to see

What was a-hatchin

In time to hear the hostess

Suggest a charade

But who was in the pantry a-laughin an scratchin

Oh The waiter

And the porter

And the upstairs maid

When they heard the music

That the orchestra played

The waiter and the porter grabbed

A-hold of the maid

Then they all proceeded to go into a clog

Hot diggedy dog

If ever I invited to some fuddy-duddy

I ain a-gonna watch any harlequinade

You and l find him in the kitchen

Applaudin his buddies

The waiter

And the porter

And the upstairs maid

Well pardon me folks

The roast is carved

The wine is served

Why you look half starved

Pardon me sir may we be free

The kitchen guard is havin a jamboree

(Orchestral break)

I went and got a dish

Pan to use as a cymbal

The porter found the regular

Glass that he played

The fingers of the waiter

Were each in a thimble

You should-a heard the music

That the combination made

Marchin' through the kitchen to

The pantry and back

Why man you should-a seen us

We were ballin' the jack

Once a half an hour

Passed without any call

Jack we had a ball

The waltzes and mazurkas

We hate 'em we spurn 'em

We got a lot of rhythms

We wanna hear played

Yes and we know who to go to

When we want to learn 'em

The waiter and the porter

And the upstairs maid