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At in peters sunday morning was letter writing time at nine o'clock the whole school had to go to their desks and spend one hour writing a letter hohome to their parents at ten fifteen
We put on our caps and coats
And formed up outside the school in the long crocoddile
And marched a couple of miles down into western supermouth for church
And we didn't get back until lunch time church going
Never became a habit with me
Letter writing did from that very first sunday as some betters until the day my mother died thirty two years later
I wrote to her once a week
Sometimes more often
Whenever i was away from home
I wrote to her
Every week from some petters
I had to
And every week from my next school retten
And every week from datis allam and east africa
When i went told my first job after leaving school
And then every week during the war from tenia in the iraq and egypt
When i was flying with the rf
My mother for her part kept every one of these letters
Minding them carefully in deep pundles with the green tape
But this was her own secret
She never told me
She was doing it in nineteen
Sixty
Sixty seven
When she knew she was dying
I was in a hospital
In oxxford
Having a serious operation of my spine
That i was unable to write her
So she had a telephone especially installed beside her bed
In order that she might have one last conversation with me
She didn't tell me she was dying
Nor did anyone else for that matter
Because i was in a fairly serious condition
Myself at the time
She simply asked me how i was
And hope
Hope i would get better soon
And sent me her love
I had no idea that she would die the next day
But she knew all right
And she wanted to reach out and speak to me for the last time
When i recovered and went home
I was given this vast collection of my letters all so atly bound with green tape more than six hundred of them
Altogether dating from nineteen twenty
Twenty five to nineteen forty five
Each one in its original envelope with the old stamp still on them
I'm afully lucky to have something like this to refer to in my old age letter writing was a serious business at some peters
It was as much a lesson in spelling and punctuation as anything else
Because the headmaster would patrol the classrooms all through the sessions
Peering over our shoulders
To read what people were writing and to point out our mistakes
But that i'm quite sure was not the main reason about what his intererest
He was there to make sure that we said nothing hurry about his school
There was no way
Therefore that we could ever complain to our parents about anything during term time
If we thought the food was lousy
Or if we hated a certain master
Or if we had been thrashed for something we did not do
We never dare to say so in our letters
In fact
We often went the other way
In order to please that dangerous headmaster who was leaning over our shoulders and reading what we had written
We would
Would spsplend do things about the school
And go on about how lovely the masters were mind you
The headmaster was a clever fellow
He did not want our parents to think that those letters of ours were censored in this way
And therefore he never allowed us to correct a spelling mistake in the letter
Itself if for the example i had written last tuesday night we had a lecture
He would say don't you know how to spell night
Yes Knight
That's the other kind of night you idiot
But which kinds ii don't understand
And one one shshining armour the man on horse back
How do you spell
Tuesday night i'm not quite shorcer it's night boy night stay in and writing out for me fifty times
This afternoon
No no no
Don't change it in the letter
You don't want to make it any messier than it is it must go as you wrote it
Thus the unsuspecting parents received in this subtle way
The impression
The jraw letter had never been seen or censored or corrected by anyone atson peters the ground floor or was all classrooms the first floor
Or was all ormamaes on the dormitory floor
The matrian ruled supreme
This was her territory
Hers with the only boys of authority up here
And even the eleven and twilbiyear old boys were terrified of this female yoga
But she ruled with a rod of iam
The marium was a large fair red woman with a bossom
Her age was probably no more than twenty eight
But it made no difference
Whether she was twenty eight or sixty eight
Because to asas a grown up
Was a grown up and all grown ups were dangerous creatures at this school
Once you were climbed to the top of the stairs and set foot on the doritory floor
You were in the mattrr's power and the source of this power was the unscene but frightening figure of their headmaster locking down in the depth of his study below at any time
She liked the mattrum consendual down in your a jamas and dressing gand or report to this mersule as giant
And whenever this happened
You've got cane on the spot
The matrium knew this
And she relished the whole business
She could move along that corriit or like lightning
And when you least expected it ahead and her bossom would come popping through the dormitory doorway
Whose through that sponge
The red voice would call out out
It was you
Perkkins was it don't lie to me
Perkins don't argue with me
I know perfectly when it was you
Now you can put your dressing on on and go downstairs and report to the headmaster this instant in slow motion and with immense reluctance
Little perkins aged eight and a half would get into his dressing gown and slippers
And disappeared down the long corridthat led to the backstairs and their headmasters
Private quarters and the matrum as we all knew would follow after him and stand at the top of the stairs
Listening with a funny looook on her face
But a crack
Crack
Crack of the cane that would soon be coming up from below to me
That noise was always sounded as there
The headmaster was firing a pistol of the ceiling of his study looking back at it
Now this seems little little dout t the maittrddislight small boys very much indeed
She never smiled at us or said anything nice
I went for example the lint start to the cut on your knee cap
You were not allowed to take it off yourself bit by bits of that
It didn't heard
She would always whip it off with a flourish matttering
Don't be such a ridiculous little baby on one occasion
During my first term
I went down to the maintenance room
To have some miodean put on a graace knee
And i didn't know you had to knock before you ended
I opened the door
And wwhat right in
And there she was in the centre of the sick room floor locked in some kind of an embrace with the latn master
Mister
Vicduck
Corado
They flew apart as i entered and both their faces when suddenly criminsm dear you're coming without knocking
The micron shouted here
I am trying to get something out of mister cobardidieee and in your birth and disturb the whole end it could operation
I'm very saw you major go away and come back in five minutes
She cried and i shot out of the room like a bullet
After lights out
The metron would proud the collidor like a pentha trying to catch the sound of a whisper behind the dormitory door
And we soon learned that her powers of hearing was so phenomenal
That it was safe to keep quiet
Once after lights out
A brave boycotled rag tipptoed out of our doretry and swingkled cstter sugar all over the lnoliam flawd of the colledor
When rag returned and told us
That the cocoldor had been successfully shggred from one in the the
I beggan shivering the excitement
I lay there in the dark
In my bed waiting and waiting for the mattron to go on the prw
Nothing happened perhaps
I told myself
She's in her room
Taking another speck of dust out of mister
Victor oraddo's eye suddenly from far down the corridor came a resounding
Cunch cunch cunch cunch
When the footsteps it sounded as there were giant was walking on loose gravel
Then we heard the high pitched furious voice of the mtron in the distance
Who did this
She was shriaking
How dare you do this
She went crunching along the college finginging open all the dmitory doors and strewitching on all the lights
The intensity of her fury was fighting come along she cried out marching with crunching steps up and down the corridor
Oh up
I want the name of a feela little boy who put down the sugar
Oh up
Immediately satforward confess
Don't oh up
We will spent drag
We won't give you away
Rag kept quiet
I didn't blame him for that had he owned up
It was certain
His fate would have been a terrible at a bloody one
Soon they had master with sumon from bebethe
Macron with steam coming out of annostoals cried out to him for help
And now the whole school was urded into the long goddor or we ststood freezing in pyjamamas and beare feet
While the cuplit or culprits were ordered to step forward
Nobody stepped forward
I could see that the headmaster was getting very angry indeed his evening had been interrupted red spotches were appearing all over his face and flects of spit were shooting out of his mouth
As he talked very well
He sundded every one of you well go to once
And get the key to his talchbox
Hamburke's to micron who will keep them for the rest of the term
And all parcils coming from home will be conficated from now on i will not tolerate this kind of behavior we handed in our keys
And throughout the remaining six weeks of the term we went hungry
But all through those six weeks
Arcl continued to feed his frog with slugs with a hole in the lid of his tackbox
Using a teapot
He also poured water or in through the hole
Day day keep ep the creature moist and happy adadire
Arcle very much
But looking up to his frog so well
Although he himself was famished
He refused to let his frog go hungry ever since then i have tried to be kind to small animals
Each dormtry y had about twenty beds in it
These were smallish narrow bans ranged along the walls on either side down the center of the dormagy stood the basenens
Where you wash your hands and face and did your teeth always with cold water
Which stood in large drugs on the floor
Once you were enter the dramitory
You will not allowed to leave it
Unless
You were reporting to the micrance room with some sickness or injury under each bed
There was a white chamber apart
And before getting into bed
You were expected to knee on the floor
And empty your blader into it all around the dormory
Just before lights out was heard the tinkle
Tinkle of little boy is being into their parts
When you were done this and got into your bed
You were not allowed to get out of it again
Until next morning there one
I believe a lavatris somewhat along the corridor
But only an attack of a cute dia would be accepted as an excuse for visiting it a journey to the upstairs
Lavatory automatically classed you
You aa direa victim and a dose of thick white liquid would immediately be forced down your throat by the matrum
This made you constipated for a week
The first miserable home signiters and peters
When i curled up in bed and the lights were put out
I could think of nothing
But our house at home and my mother and my sisters
Where were they
I asked myself in which direction from where i was
Was ying
Was
Was land deff
I began to work it out
And it wasn't difficult to do this
Because i had the bristol channel to help me
If i looked out to the doreitgy window
I can see the channel itself and the big city of cardidiff with landafa alongside ded
They almost directly across the water
But slightly to the north
Therefore if i turned towards the window
I would be facing home
I rigled round in my bed and faced my home and my family from then on during all the time i was absolute peters
I never went to sleep with my back to my family
Different bands in different dormatries requirred the working out of new directions
But the bristol channel was always my guide
And i was always able to draw an imaginary line from my bed to our house over in whales
Never once did i go to sleep
Looking away my family
It was a great comfort to do this
There was a boy in our ororitory
During my first term called tweedy who one night started snoring soon after he're gone to sleep
Who's that talking quite the matrum bursting in my own bed was closed to the door
And i remember looking up at her from my pillow
And seeing her standing there sillawetted against the light from the corridoor
And thinking how truly frightening
She looked
I think it was had an almost buzzm that sccaing most of all my eyes were rivited to it and to me
It was like a battering ram
Or a bowls of an ice breaker
Or maybe a couple of high exloes in bombs
Oh Up
She cried who was talking we lay there in silence
Then tweedy who was lying fast asleep on his back with his mouth open
Gave another snore the mamerium stared red tweedy snoing is it just just thing of it
She said only the lower class is do it
You should have to teach him a lesson
She didn't switch on the light
But she advanced into the room and picked up a cake of soaap from the nearest basin
The bare electric boat in the collidor
Illuminated the whole doretry in a pale creamy glow
None does dare to sit up in bed
But all eyes were on the meatrum now watching to see what she was going to do
Next
She always had a bof of issors hanging by a whp's tape from her waste
And with this she began shaving thin slipps of soap into the palm one hand
Then she went over over to whether regin tweedy lay
And very carefully she dropped these little soap flakes into his open mouth
She had a whole handful of them
And i thought she was never going to stop what on earth he's going to happen
I wonder what tweedy choke would he strangle mighty slow get blocked up
Completely what t's 're going to kill him the matrium stepped back a couple of cases and folld in her arms across or rather underneath her meassive chest
Nothing happened tweedy ket right on snawing
Then suddenly he began to google
And white bubbles appeared around his lips
The bubbles grew and grew until in the end d's home face him to be smuthered in a bubbly foming white soapi froght it was a horrific side
Then all it ones twitter gave a great cough at a splulutter
And he set set very fast
Fast to began clawat at his face with his hands
Oh
He started h
What's t's ening
What's some my face
Somebody helps me
The natrthrew w him a face fellow
And said wipe it off tweedy
And don't ever let me hear you snawing again
Hasn't anyone ever taught you not to go to sleep
On your back with that she marched out of the dmetry and slammed the door
I was homesick during the hole of my first termits and peters
Home sicickness is a bit like sea sickness
You don't know how awful it is till you get it and when you do it hits you right in the top of the stomach and you want to die
The only comfort is that both home sickness analysis
Sickness are instantly cuitable
The first goes away
The om you walk out of the school grounds
And the second is forgotten as soon as the ship enters port
I was so devastating ingly music
During my first two weeks
That i said about devising a stunt for gegemmyself sent back home
Even if it were only a few days
My idea was that i should all of a sudden development attack of acute appendciitus
You will probably think it silly that a nine year old boy should imagine you could get away with a trick like that
But i had some reasons for trying it on only a month before my ancient half sister who was twelyears old
And me had actually had up in tercidors and for several days before her operation
I was able to observe her behavior at close quarters
I noticed that the thing she complained about most was a severe pain down in the lower right side of her tummy
As well as this she get being sick and refused to eet and ran a temperature
You might by the way be interested to know that this sister had her appendix removed not in a fine hospital operating room full of bright lights and gun nurses
But on our own nursery table at home by the local doctor and he 's a niece fertist in those days
It was very common practice for adopted for arrivate or own hhours with a bag of instruments
Then rape a sterle sheet over the most convenient table
And get on with it on this ogcasion
I can remember lurking in the corridor
Outside the nursery
While the operation was going on my other sisters were with me
And we stood their spell bound listening to the soft medical nermers coming from me
Hind ind the locck door
Picpicing the patitient with stomomach sicice open like a lump of beef
We could even smelb the sickly fuilms of either filtering through the crack out of the door
The next day we would allowed to inspect the appendix itself in a glass bottle
He was a longest black wormy looking thing
And i said do i have one of those inside meani
Everyone has won nanswered whawas it for i asked her god were seen his mysterious ous ways
She said which was her stock reply whwhenever she didn't know the answer what makes it go bad
I asked her tooth brush whistles
She answered this time it no hesitation at all toothbrush brussels
I cried how can toothbrush bruzsels make it up pindex go bad
Namy who in my eyes was filled with more wisdom than solmomon replied whenever a puzzl comes out of your
Your toothbisls and youthfollowed it sticks in your other pindex
And turns it rotten in the war
She went on the german spies used to stiak box loads of loose spritstal tooth practice into our shops and millions of soldiers
Got
Got the penterciiters honestly many i cried he
He then honestly true
I never lie to you
Child sheldsaid so let that pear lesson to you
Never to use an old toothbrush the years after that i used to get nervous
Whenever i found a toothbrush sh ruzzle on my tongue as i went upstairs and cked on the brown door after breakfast
I didn't even veal frightened of the matrum
I mean booed the boys
I enter the room
Clutching my stomach on the right hand side and staggering pathetically what's the matter with you
The making shouted and the sheer false per voice calused that massive bisdom to quipper like a gigantic
The amounge 'it hurts matron
I moound
Oh
It hurts so much
Just here you've been over eating
She bouked what do you expect
If you gozzof current cake all day long i havenbeen nothing for days
I like i couldn't eat mamattion
I simply couldn't get on the bed and lover your tribes
She ordered by lay on the bed
And she began proutting my tummy violently with her fingers
I was watching her carefully i
When she hit what i guess was the appen diexplai
I let out young that
That attled led the dow pps
Oh oh
I cried out
Go Mattron
Gothen
Then slilippin the clinini've been
Been sick mormorning
I moan
There's nothing left to be sick with
But i still feel sick
This was the right move
I saw her hesitate stay we were she said
And she walked quickly from the room
She may have been a foul and beissely woman
But she had had a nurse's training
And she didn't want errupt her pendits on her hands within an hour
The doctor arrived
And he went through the same probing and poking
And i did myyelping what i thought with the proper times
Then he put us the monomitter in my mouth um
He said it really normal let me feel your stomach once more here i screamed
When he touched the bital spot
The doctor went away with a marium
The marium returned half an hhlater
Ter said the
The headmaster has telephone your mother
And she's coming to facture al this afternoon i didn't lansher
I just lay there trying to look very ill
But my heart was singing out with all sorts of one of ssons of praise and joy
I was taken home across the pistol channel on the paddle steamer
And
And i felt so wonderful of being away from that ready school building
That i very nenearly forgot
I was meant to be ill
That afternoon i had a session with doctor done bar at his surgery and cathedal road cardidiff
And i tried the same tricks all over again
But doctor dambar was far wise are a more skillwho than either the matror or the school doctor
After he had prodded my stomach
And i had done my yelping routine
He said
To me
No
You can get dressed again and sit yourself on that chair
He himself set down behind his desk can fixed me with a penetrating
But not i'm kindly i
You're faking aren't
He said
How do you know i blote about
Because your sumach ach is soft and perfectly normal
He answered
If you hadn't had an information down there a stomach would 've been hard and origid
It's quite easy to tell i kept silent
I expect your homesick
He said i noted miserably
Yeah
Everyone is that first
He said
You'have to stick it out
And don't
But i'm me momother for sending your weight to the baring school
She insisted you were too young to go
But it was i who persuaded
It was the right thing to do
Life is tough and as soon oner you learn out to coke
But that
That better
Better You
What
What you tell
Tell the school asasked him trembling
I'll say
Say i had a very sobiar infection of the stomach
Which i'm kiling with bills
He answered smiling
It don't mean that you must stay at home for three more days
But promise me
You won't try anything like this again
Yemother has and enough on hhand without having to a rush over to affect you out to school
I promise
I said i'll never do it again
