So a month ago or so I was feeling super confident and sexy
And so of course I figured
'Hey, you know what? I'm just going to put myself out there and organise some dates!'
But oh my babies, there are dates, and then there's stuff I've been getting up to
Friday night, I had pinned a
Date in the diary with a boy from Tinder
Six foot three, worked in the city
Boring job but he were pretty
He said
"Where and when?"
I said,"Meet at 10"
Kinda late but it gave me a bit more
Time to make sure I looked fit
Have a shower, style my hair
Spend an hour on what to wear
Painting my nails and shaving my face
Making my bed- just in case
Put my favourite Beyoncé on
Drink a glass of Sauvignon blanc
I'm looking so glamorous, feeling alright
And I text the boy,"Still on for tonight?"
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"It's getting late"
"Yeah"
"And I can't wait"
"Yeah"
"To head home 'cause I'm actually knackered, are you free next week instead?"
"Sure"
"So sorry"
"Don't worry, just let me know when, no hurry!"
Hey girl
Hey girl
Let's go out!
The second I hit the floor
Everything from before fades away
'Cause I'm dancing from the window to the wall
Who cares about the guy
Who left me high and dry?
It's no big deal and it doesn't affect my self-esteem at all
'Cause I might have had one date cancel
But I'm feeling fine about it
So yeah these things happen
Yeah exactly, it was no big deal
I mean sure, I wasted a bit of time shaving my...legs
But never mind 'cause one week later
I met a cute gallery curator
Wanna rip off his double denim
Make his bed like Tracey Emin
So we set a date
Wednesday at the Tate
Then he cancelled but he said
"Hey let's do Saturday instead"
One more day for getting ready
Haircut, wet shave, mani-pedi
Pop all my pimples, primp up my face
Haven't wanked all week- just in case
Getting nervous, Google Van Gogh
Down a pint of Cabernet Sauv
Order an Uber and when they arrive
I text the boy,"Hey, see you in five?"
"Are you on your way?"
"Hey?"
"Hello."
Hey girl
Not again?
It's fine!
Let's go out!
The second I hit the town
Forget he let me down
And I get down 'cause the club can't even handle me right now
Won't chop off my ear
For boys who don't appear
It's no big deal and all art is pretentious bullshit anyhow
So I might have had three dates cancel
"Hey, really sorry only just got home and charged my phone, listen I had an absolute nightmare-"
But I'm feeling fine about it
Took a risk with date number four
Bit awkward 'cause we snogged before
But I thought he might not dismiss me
'Cause at least once tried to kiss me
He said
"Ok sure
I've got a rugby tour
But I've got time before my flight
So call me up later on tonight"
Pluck my brows, ring him on the phone
Hear the international dial tone
Date number five and I'm excited
Feels like this time something's right
He didn't seem like the type...to...
Oh my god no oh it's totally fine, appendicitis is the worst, you get that thing out of there
Date number six I'm feeling shoddy
If he cancels might kill somebo-
Date number seven
Date
Date nine, now the first one's back in touch
Do I always sweat this much?
Says he'll meet me at the bar
"Yay can't wait, ha ha ha
Wash me body for an hour
You can't see tears in the shower
Tissues and ice cream already in place
Downloaded Titanic, just in case
Pause before me full-length mirror
Analyse me every flaw
Come to accept I'll be fine on my own
As I crawl into bed go to turn off me phone
"Work kept me late
So sorry I went straight to the bar
But I'm a bit early so no rush, can't wait"
"Are you sure?"
"What?"
"I mean, great, just heading out the door!"
Hey girl!
I'm on my way
No, he's there
I'm going out!
The second I hit the bar
I spot him from afar
And I know my heart will go on near, far, wherever you are
I pull up a chair
There's magic in the air
As he leans in and says
"Have you done something new with your hair?"
Someone cares
Ah!
I seem to make him laugh
He's friendly to the staff
And he tells me about the stock exchange for an hour and a half
He says
"This was fun"
Walks me home at half past one
He asks if I've got any plans this weekend I said,"None!"
'Cause I might have had one, two, three, four, five,
six, squish, uh-uh, Cicero,
seven, eight dates cancel, cancel
But number nine was alright
