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After I'm Gone - Mikhail Bennett
You don't call me anymore
You just say you're busy
I see you laughing with the world
But you don't make time for me
You walk past everything I give
Like it was nothing at all
I gave you my whole life
You can't give me one call
I'm still your father
Why do I feel erased?
Yeah, I had flaws
Yeah, I got loud
But I never once walked out
After I'm gone you'll feel this pain
Every ignored text, every missed name
When the dirt hits and the crowd goes home
You'll finally understand what it means to be alone
You'll say you loved me, you'll cry on cue
But love shows up, why didn't you?
While I was here
I was breathing
You just stopped believing
When I was sick you didn't know
When I was weak you didn't show
You never asked if I was okay
You never missed me enough to stay
I waited for you, you never came
Now I'm just a fading name
I told myself you'd come around
But home gets quiet without a sound
After I'm gone you'll wish you tried
You'll replay nights you let me cry
You'll stand there shaking hands in regret
Wishing you could undo what you chose to forget
You'll say you loved me, maybe you did
But love isn't words, it's what you give
Jesus forgives, I hope he does
Because one day you'll answer for us
And he'll ask you, simple and plain
Why you never came
After I'm gone don't tell the crowd
You were proud, don't post my picture, don't say my name
If you couldn't show up while I felt the pain
I was here, I was alive
You just thought I had more time
After I'm gone you'll finally see
You didn't lose me, you abandoned me
My hands bled just for you
I worked until they shook
I missed my own dreams so you could chase the ones you took
I stood outside in the cold so you could sleep in warm light
I swallowed every fear
Just to keep you alright
And now I sit alone
In a house I built for us
You pass my name in silence like I'm someone you don't trust
You left me here waiting
You don't even try
Yeah, I made mistakes
I wasn't easy to love
But I never stopped showing up
I never gave up
After I'm gone, when the dirt hits dirt
When the sound of goodbye finally starts to hurt
You'll wish you came
You'll wish you stayed
You'll replay every call
You never made
You'll say you loved me
You'll swear you cared
But love shows up
And you weren't there
I was here
I was alive
You just thought I had more time
When I fell down you never found me
When I needed you, you weren't around me
I watched your life move on so fast
While I was stuck inside the past
I kept the porch light on at night
I told myself you'd make it right
But hope gets tired
And so do I
You left me behind
And called it life
You didn't mean to hurt me
That's what you'd say
But not meaning to
Still hurts this way
After I'm gone, standing by my grave
You'll cry for the time you never gave
You'll touch that stone
You'll say my name
But it won't answer, it won't be the same
You'll beg for one more chance to call
But silence won't answer at all
Jesus forgives, I try to too
But even he knows love has to move
One day you'll stand before him alone
And he'll ask you why you never came home
After I'm gone, when the dirt falls down
When they lower me slow into the ground
That's when you'll feel what you denied
I was still here when you let me slide
I was your father
I needed you
Not your money, just something true
After I'm gone, regret will stay longer than I ever did
Waiting for you that way
Waiting for you that way
