Dirge

you’re obsessed with dying young in a past life

and i can’t convince you otherwise

you say you used to dream of the ways that you have died

& i’m the reincarnate killer

who took you before your time

leave no trace behind

when the family tree

starts sprouting

some phantom limbs

i knew it to be true

now this kindred kindling

smoke won’t stop following you

you’re talking in your sleep, the only time i hear you speak

locked and sealed inside your ribcage

lays a stomach you won’t feed

now you can hardly hear the ocean in the shell you’ve grown to be

just vacancy

needed a change of scenery

(you miss a place you’ve never been)

but i suffocate up mountains

and i sink in every sea

(so let me be)

you’re vicariously living life through me

(when all i want is to feel clean)

you ended up with trustfall wounds

and pins and needles feet

bet i can hold my breath longer than you can underwater

and i will cling to your collarbones,

happily

you sound just like your father

but your voice carries farther

you can’t grow to be taller

half asleep

grab all the guilt you can garner and give it to me

you bite the hand that pulls on collar

and chew on your teeth

you had a good head on your shoulders

at least until you got older

you know, a steady and slow burn

still ends up in smoke

what started out as a smoulder

has surfaced; boiling over

when the eyes of the beholder

are sewn to be closed.

i’m breaking bones

and you’re signing my cast

“that’s exactly how you’ll wind up dead”

i am blessed to be home

i am possessed by my past

put a roof over my rotten head

you know exactly where i’ll go when i’m gone

know that it’s been in the works for so long

born and raised tending to our trauma bond

because you know that it’s all we’ve got