In my carcass, juice inside a carton
Tried to whack-a-mole, spray his guts in my garden
Beg your pardon, I’m visiting regarding
Your offer from the other day, I think I wanna start it
Told him watch the ego, I got a couple kilos
Waiting in my hammer, send you flying like it’s Heathrow
Wait, wait, wait — don’t be angry by default
This might be strategically good for us each though
I seen his teeth and I don’t fancy a bite
I said fuck it, maybe pull up to the show tonight
You can squeak rubbish up on stage with a mic
And we can finally put our little group on a trial
So we pulled up, we’re with him
The bouncer’s a prick and he says the venue won’t allow
No animals or children
But the rabbit stays grinning
He hops in through the ventilation system just to get in
Microphone check but the cable got corroded
The bunny chewed through it and I think the way I hold it
hit the feedback
Sound guy screaming at me ’cause he had to hear that
Right inside his earwax
Daisy passed the mic to me, I held it incorrect
Put my fist around the top, I should’ve held the neck
Fucking up my shit, I’m spitting, running out of breath
But we played the slot and dipped with other bands’ cheque
The rabbit pocketed the cash
Green room snacks getting snatched
Dressing room of the headline act
Found the door and then we dashed
Headfirst into a cab, hit the gas
Drive away, I think we hit a couple fans
In the morning in the mail we got a funny-looking letter
Told the rabbit grab it — lazy fucker starts to get up
Slice the paper open, what’s it saying? “Lemme check…”
“…It’s a label trying to sign us for a record.”
“What the fuck… blah blah blah… it is great to be connected.
Can you come to our office sometime in the next week?”
We’re sceptic, maybe the mail got misdirected
“We think the gimmick with the rabbit is quite effective.”
Pull up to reception
Told us take a left then
Step onto the spiral stairs, twenty floors ascending
Knock on door number seven
Went inside the room, it’s where the A&R’s desk is
He shook our hands, kinda squeezed them and it hurted
Subtle power move to make his dominance asserted
“I’m a big fan, newly converted.
I attended the show the other week, I was lurking.”
He said, “Where my manners — you all look exhausted.
Big ol’ set of stairs, someone fetch the band some water.”
Intern dipped, came back and he brought us
One glass for the rabbit — meanwhile he ignored us
I exchanged a look with Daisy
This is kinda strange
Anyway, boss man, please cut to the chase
Put his fingers round the buckles of his big briefcase
Got a document out, turned it to the first page
“This is our vision in a nutshell, listen —
We’d like to put the rabbit in a frontman position.”
He pressed a button notifying his assistant
Told him fetch a bribe and expedite up our decision
In the meantime the second page was data analytics
Concluding that our core demographic’s made of idiots
“We think the rabbit’s great and we would really like to milk it.”
The label geezer turned the page to show us lots of lyrics
In this song he plugs products for commission
Hologram concerts online making millions
Dubious swagless brands collabing with him
When he dies, a posthumous record is releasing
Whoa, whoa, whoa — simmer down with the bollocks
Me and Daisy turn 180 degrees to leave the office
Assistant pops back in and says he’s got the keys
For a carrot-colour Audi as an offer
“Wow, nice. Where do I sign?”
“I’d love to take the carrot vehicle for a drive.”
Little shit went to grab the pen before I could try
We seen the paper touch the ink above the dots on the line
We got escorted out the office, dragged by the wrists
Kicked to the curb, fell into a bin
Another letter from the label — cease and desist
Says we need a new name ’cause the rabbit’s taking Cyst
Worms like you were born as food for a bigger fish
Decapitated in the mouth, ejected in the shit
I’m sorry that we operate within a cut-throat biz
I think he knows that bottom line — we’d do the same to him
