在手机上保存，获得更好体验
本字幕由TME AI技术生成
Welcome to deep into the pages
Where we take a stack of incredible sources and disteal the most important fascinating nuggets of knowledge just for you
Today we're waiting into a topic
That well it affects pretty much every decision you make bigger small
We're talking about the deeply complicated often uh illogical relationship we have with money
We are taking a deep dive into spending psychology
It's definly the perfect subject for a deep dive
Our sources you know they consistently emphasize that managing money and especially how you spend it right
It's far more art than science
Really right like spresheets only you you you much exactly if you just look at spreadsheets
You miss the whole picture
So our mission today is to move entirely beyond you know the budget apps and the typical fanancial advice
And really try to understand the messy
Sometimes beautiful human psychology behind it all things like envy social pressure
Those deep issues of identity
They truly drive our decision
And often leave us feeling pretty miserable even more technically successful right precisely
嗯
Which brings us to this uh really striking anecdote to kick things off
We're calling at the elassic paradox
It really sets the stage
Okay
I remember this one
You have a woman who went in for successful elassic eye
Surgy y rid over glasass forever ver seems like hugasass end
You know absolutely on paper perfect outcome the surgery work perfectly from a medical standpoint
But she actually came back to her doctor
A doctor dan goodman completely dissponse ing
He ruined her life
Yeah
He ruined her life
Well
This is the part
That just well hits you wrghten the gut as you said she explained that okay
The procedure world
Her vision was corrected
But the outcome she expected that was the problem
Yes
She thought losing her glasses would suddenly make her husband
Find her more attractive
Maybe her coworkers would suddenly treated was more intelligent and none of that happen
No it materialized
And when she realized that genuine love respect confidence
These things weren't driven by something as well superficial is corrective lengthses
She was crushed ed ww w the money
She
She spent solved a physical problem
But it completely fail to solve this deep seated emotional expectation
She had pinned on it
That story is just a perfect illustration of our core premise
Today money is a truly remarkable tool
It should provide independence freedom
But
But if you're unaware of your own psychological drivers these hidden motivations
Money will end up controlling you
You mention churchl before we started right windsn churchal famously claim piga more out of alcohol
Than alcohol got out of him
Uh debatable perperhaps
But ananallogy hold okay we see countless people rich
People live
Where their money got far more out of them
Than they ever got from it
Because they lack that self awareness
They didn't know what truth a film and actually looked like for them
Exactly they were chasing something external
Maybe something society told them to chase instead of figures out their own interternal needs okay
So let's take into that acone the emotional roots of spenenbecause when we talk about money and happiness
Logic just seems to fly out the window
Somesomeoh spectctacularly the most tragic example
I think that comes up in the sources is a person
Who diligently saved entitiworking life
Built a cocossel nestake financially free in retirement sounds of the dream rote
It should be yet they cannot bring themselves to spend even a reasonable amount
Not on travel or comfort or even just an occasional treat
They're living in total financial abundance
But still acting like their wet about to go broke
Yes
They're actively rationing their own happiness
It's hard breaking to witwitness identity
You see see become come sasaer
It's so they are
Are they counts which gears
Even when the circumstances have completely change they struggle immensely they're trying to apply survival tactics scare city
Thinking to a scenario of complete security
And this brings us to a really foundational concept for understanding all this behavior
Which is all behavior make sense with enough information to truly understand why someone spends or crucially doesn't spend in a certain way
You have to big deep
You have to look at their unique life experiences
That things have built their internal rule book about money
And those experiences can create totally different realities
Even about something is basic as time absolutely
There's that powerful example from the sources
The social worker dealing with clients experiencing really object poverty right
He tried to convince a couple of save even a tiny amount to avoid a future eviction
Maybe exactly
And the couple just laugh at him
Not maliciously
But they just couldn't really
They couldn't
They explained that the social worker had the luxury of thinking about the future of planning
Beyond the current month or even the current week was for them
For them they were essentially uh then masters of the right now as the source put it
They operate maybe a twenty four hour window
Sometimes just a five minute window for their next immediate need so spending money instantly that is perfect sense in their reality
It does because the concept of a stable predictable long term future that's worth saving for
嗯
It's just radually different or maybe even unexistent for them
Their experiences haven't shown them that future
Wow
That really reframes so many financial debates doesn't it if 're operating in survival mode
Something like an investment just sounds like like a frivileous substraction completely it's irrelevant to the immediate need
And if we apply that same lens
That past experience lens
It puts certain kinds of let's say irtravagant spending into a whole new context
Too like the idea of revenge spending
Exactly you see this historically think right after world war one
And that subsequent recession would followed the woraring twenties big pary's big spending right
And it wasn't just perhedinism
Though there was some of that yeah for many was justified is writing a wrong
It was almost like getting revenge for being suppressed during those doour years of war and scarcity getting back
What they felt that they were denied precisely
And that desire for let's call it status compensation
It's absolutely timeless the sources highghthis successful businessman group extremely poor always felt you know snowbed look down upon okay
So when his daughter was going to college
He didn't just wanted to go to the best school
She got into academically
He wanted
He insisted
She picked the most expenses school
She got into the price tag itself was the goal
Wow
Why for him that astronomical tuition wasn't just paying for education
It was a social trophy um
It was a loud undeniable symbol of what he had overcome and a sertion of his new place in the world
So he actually prefer to pay the most absurd price
He could find yes
Because the cost was the statement
对的对对
The higher
The price allowed of the message
And if he didn't know his backstory
His childhood poverty that decision looks well insane or just completely frivelly holly irrational on the surface
But when you apply that lends all behavior make sense with enough information
Yes
You realize the men wasn't really spending money on education in that moment
He was spending money on therapy vdiation validation rewriting his past maybe is complex
But the point is we need to recognize that most debates
We have maybe even with friends are family over what worth spending they're often just people with fundamently different psychological histories
Different life experiences
Different scars
Talking right to over each other
They're arguing from completely different internal rule books
嗯
That makes sense 're not even arguing about the same thing
Exactly
And if you can maybe identify that past driver in yourself
Or understand it in someone else
Whether it's fear or scarcity
Or
Or that need rerevenger validation
对对对
Maybe
Then you can finally stop fighting the symptom
The spending habit itself
And start addressing the actual cause
Which leads us perfectly into our next section
The status trap and these external benchmarks to keep mentioning yeah for a social trophies
It runs deep
It really does and speaking of third prices and social trophes
You share that incredible story from the sources about the college valley working at a fancy five star hotel yeah
And he overhears this uh this leite wealthy man talking openly about spending to get this twenty one thousand dollars on a single armchair twenty one thousand dollars for one chair
I know
And when the man saw the look on the young valleys
Faces just utter er bewilder men
He felt he had to justify about he did he basically said
Boys
I know it's crazy
But when you have money
This is what you're supposed to wof
Supposed to do that phrase es chilling isnet really is because it highlights this blind at hearance to some kind of financial script
He wasn't saying he bought the chair
Because it was uniquely comfortable or beautiful or functional
No he bought it
Because he thought it was a compulsory right of passage for wealthy people
It was expected
It shows that so many people might be chasing wealth not for freedom
But simply because they think that level of spending ding the required behavior
At that level of success
They're seeking attention
Maybe or just following heard not seeking actual utility or personal joy
And that desire for external approval for attention
It's deeply deeply inggrade
This isn't a modern instagram fuel phenomenon on either no
Adams
Smith writing way back in seventeen fifty nine the wealth of nations
Guy that's him
是的是的
He reasoned that
What truly drives people often isn't necessarily comfort or ease
But i'm parherring slightly here to be observed
To be attended
To
To be taken notice of with sympathy complacency and improvation
Basically we want people to notice us and approve us
Exexactly smith recogzed even back
Then that we often value the attention money brings us the status signal maybe even more than the actual functional benefit of the stuff
Itself the the
It's the vannty
He said not the ease or pleasure that interests us
And if you think about it purely in terms of getting attention spending money is pretty ffeffetive at least initial absolulutely highly visible
It's public
It you buy a faneting car
People notice
But there's a
But it's big
But it lacks durability
That that's miration for the shining new car
It fades fast maybe last month than it just becomes another car
The drive way people younn
So it's like a fleeting hit of dopamine a nondurable achievement
You get the buz
And it's gone
And you need another precisely
And because that hit is fleeting
It often forces people to escalate their spending to get the same feeling again bigger house faster boat more exclusive vacation
Which leads us right into this crucial distinction
You mentioned earlier the interscore card verses the outer score card
This is a warn buffet concept rate dogoriized by m yes
And we can see this conflict
This tension between an internal satisfaction and external approval magnified in this incredible true story from the one thousand hundred and sixty eight golden globrate
Okay
The first nonstopps solo sale around the world set the us up for us two key figures
Right
Two key figures who represent the extremes of this interversus outer score card idea
Let's start with a tragic example
Donald crohorse crohurst are addicted to the outer score card
You said completely he was by all accounts at deeply flawed individual something of a professional failures
A sailor
But he was desperate for validation
For fame
For people to think he was a hilo
So he entered this incredibly cruling race knowing deep down
He
He abably could even finishh let alone winds what it he
He chehe cheated
Spectacularly he started faking his coordintes sending false radio reports pretending he was making amazing progress sailing ahead of the fleet setting the stage for this massive media frenzy
When he supposedly returned victoria at the lie started to unraval
It did he realized his fraud was about to be exposed
And the pressure
The combination of the impending shame of being found out coupled with the anticipation of this unearned fame
It completely consumed him what happened his boat was found abandoned a drift
His log's detailed his metal breakdown
He was presumed he have jumped overboard taking his own light
He sacrifice everything
Literally everything for external validation that wasn't even real
That's just utterly tragic
He was so contragithat what what other thought or what he imagine
They would think that he couldn't live with the reality of his own action
A terrifying example the outer score card running wild
But then in the very same race
You have the complete opposite architepe bernard motecia
Motsi a tells about him
Motcia was the real deal
An expert sailor
A true pro and he was actually on track to legitimately win the race
He was likely going to be the first man home okay
So he's about to get the fame
The prize money
Money everythrow her ers craft but midway through the final leg heading back towards england and the finishline um
He just changed his mind
He quit
是的 对的
While winning he essentially quit the race
Yes
He hated the commercialization that it spunang up around at the media attention
The whole manufactured competition of it
All it felt false him
So what is he do instead
Whe his
His link shot to fire
A message onto the deck of a passing ship
A note for the race organized was basically saying i'm continuing nonstop towards the pacific islands
Because i am happy at see and perhaps to save my soul
Wow
He just kept sailhe just kept sailing veared off towards dehei
He didn't care about
But the trophy
The fame that five thousand mound prize money which was a lot back
Then he was chasing something internal his own need to be at peace
As he put it any ended up setting record anyway
He did he sailed
Wanted a half times around the gloloal nonstop the longest solo voage eever at point point the source has note he barely even mentioned that achievement in his own book about the journey
Because it wasn't the point for him
He was driven entirely by his inner score card finding satisfaction in the act of sailing
Itself in his connection with the sea
Not in the external accolads
That right there is the definition of true wealth in practice operating from that interternal place oneeding to impress anyone
And we see echoes of that today right he mentioned former na fell player cd johnson
Yeah Oka
Chinko
He famously lived
Incredibly fruglly despite his huge contracts
He reportedly said something like my name is bigger than anything
I can purchase his identity wasn't tied to luxury goods and even jeff basos for years driving that old honda cord long after amazon was a behemac
Exactly it sinds a message doesn't it true amiration lasting respect
It tends to come from who you are
What you build your character not the temporary sad a symbol of what you happened on this week
Which brings us back to that critical framework
You laid out the distinction between you tility and status can you break that down again
Sure
Think of utility is buying something
Because it serves a practical purpose for you
It makes your life better easier safer more comfortable a high and toyota
Maybe with plush seats and great safety features
Because you value comfort and safety on your commute that's utility okay make sense and status
Status is buying something
Primarily to signal something to others
To show your rank
You're success
You're belonging to a certain group
Maybe it's that entry that will be mw
But bought not
Because it's necessarily the best car for your needs
But specifically to signal to your neighbors or colleagues
That you've made it
You own it in large part for them
When the danger zone is
When status completely hiyja's utility that's work
It's really problematic
When the dintain a house it's far bigger than you actually need incincuring huge costs and stress
Simply because you're used to the breaking rights or you feel society expects you to live in that kind of house or constantly upgraating your perfectly good car every few years
Just because that's the norm in your circle
Exactly that's money actively working against your piece of mind against your freedom
Purely in service of the other score card
It's a trap okay
So if we managed decidestep that status trap
If we strip away the need to impress and the obligation to follow some external script
What's left
What's the goal
Then i think what remains the real prize is contentment
That seems to be the key to durable happiness
According to our sources
Contentment not necessarily more money or more stuff
Not necessarily the happy of people described aren't always the richest or the most hourdly successful in conventional terms
They are simply the most content with what they have
You mention that story about the grandmother and law financially poor but psychologically rich
Yes
Somebody who could find genually in the smallest things
A simple meal time with family a sunny day
Her expectations were grounded or realistic
And that low bar for expectations created a huge reservoir of psychological wealth for her precisely we have to remember this fundamental equation happiness is largely determined by the gap between your expectations and your actual circumstances
So if your expectations are constantly sowing higher and higher
You basically ensure permanent dissatisfaction
There's always something more you need
But if you can learn to desire less to manage those expectations
That's actually a game
You can win that leads to genuine durable contentment
And if you don't manage those expectations
That's when the documine chase takes over absolutely the brain neurochemically gets a bigger kick from the anticipation of getting the new thing
The change then from a lasting satisfaction of actually having the thing
Itself it's that enless car latder example you hear about you start out just wanting a reliable use card to get to work right
But as soon as you get it
Your brain adjusts now as soon as noticing slightly nicer cars
Maybe you start thinking about that next price bracket then the lugury model
Then the sports car
It never ends because the feeling of new and better is always temporary
The goalpost keep moving the chase itself becomes the addiction not the acquiring and this perpetual escalation
This constant need for more just to feel okay is exactly why we must draw shsharp line between being merely rich and being truly wealthy okay define the terms again for rrich sus wealthy rich is simply having money
High income
Large assets on paper
That's it wealthy on the other hand is having control
Control over
Wet control over how that money impact your personality control over your time
Your freedom control of your mental health
It's about money serving you not the other way around
And there's no better or perhaps more tragic cautionary tale for this distinction than the vandor abilis
Then Oh
Absolutely not they were one point arguably the richest family in american history
Oh
Unamaginable fortunbut were they wealthy by odedefinition
Um not even close
They were utterly consumed by status competition spending recklessly astronically
But amageach other within the family and among their elite peers building those massive extravficant cottages and new port
Port they were sically pes es they barely used exactly all just to impress people to signal their status
They were locked in these bter rivalvales their lives were consumed by maintaining this image
So they were among the richest people on earth
But arguably among the least wealthy
The money became this insurmounable lifestyle
That psychologically speaking it dictated their choices
Strain their relationships and ultimately left many of their arears feeling miserable and a drift what a tragedy paying the highest possible size eological price just to state relevant on the outer score card
It truly is
And that's why when you boil it all down the highest return on investment
You can possibly achieve with your money isn't found in stocks or real state
Necessarily it's independent
It's independent that money you haven't spent a money sitting in savings or conservative investments
嗯
It's not just sitting
They're doing nothing
It's actively being spct
Spent on
What spent on
Buying your future freedom
Your flexibility
Ility
Your controover your own time and choices
The the iln to walk away from a bad job or handle
An unexpected emergency or pursue a sion
Sion that kes sense would contrast someone like nba playant walker right made over a hundred million dollars in his career live large spent it all all made a bankrupt loss control completely versus something like john eartial
John eartial the nfl offence of lilighmonwho who was also a math protegy saved the vast majority of his n fell salary lived modestly retired early from football voluntarily to pursue his phd and math at mit exactly he maintained total control over his life direction
Because he had that financial independence he wasn't trapped by lifestyle inflation or the need to keep earning at that level wealth without independence really is just a unique form of poverty isn't
It you're still trapped fundamenally
Yes yes
Ah like true control and that independts
That control it allows you to live by what might be the most powerful piece of decision making wisdom we found in all these sources
Which is minimized future regret okay explain that it's not just live for today or save everything for tomorrow
No
It's far more nuanced
It's not about those extremes
It's about recognizing that what you are likely to regret changes radically throughout your life as you age also well
A young parent might look back and deeply spending money frivlously when they could have been saving more securly for their kikids education or future that unspent money would a bought piece of mine later okay
Conversely an older person maybe retired often looks back and regrets the experiences
They didn't have the trips not take in the time
Not spent with loved ones
Because they were too focused on accumulating more the risks not pursue earlier in life
So it's about balancing present enjoyment with future well being guided by anticipating what your future self might wish you had done
Differently precisely by adopting that regret minimization framework
Jeff basos famous sly used this one decide wawhether ther start amazon
You're constantly checking your current spending ding saving decisions against the likely values and priorities of your future self
Trying to make choices
Today that you're fifty sixty seven year old
Itself will thank you for
Not resent you for
For exactly it helaavoid ululmate painful regret which was captured so devastatingly
And acter david casties reported final words
What were they so much waste in time 有that's the regret
We're trying to minimize wasted time wasted opportunities
Missiline priorities
Wow Okay
So let's trying to wrap this up
Weve ve covered a lot of ground here from asisursurgery sasailing races our guildagage access
It's been quite a journey through the psychology of money
It really has so to summarze
We've learn that the act of spending money
It's really an intensely personal art form isn't it deeply influenby our hihidly psychological drivers our paastic experiences
Maybe even our tramas and that very human nate for validation absolutely and finding true financial satisfaction
That sense of well beyond just rices seems to mean consciously shifting your focus inworard priorititising that in ner score card we talked about making choices based on your own values and contentment
And always always question
Whyou're buying something for its genuine utility in your life
Or just for its fleeting status value in the eyes of others utility over status in ner score card over outer score card that's a solid foundation
And if you want one final practical guiding principle to apply all this
Remember the surprising power of quiet compounding
Quiet compounding meaning the sources consistently show that often the fastest way to truly build wealth the kind that brings independence is actually to go slow
How does that work seems counterintuititive
It means focusing on simple consistent
Often inconspicous ous non performative decisions
嗯
You don't need to hit home runs
You don't need to brag about your investments or show up your latest purchase just quietly build endurance
Financial endurance exactly build that independence day by day without needing external applause that slow steady quiet approach is often far more effective and certainly less stressful in the long run
That's a great take away okay final thought for our listeners to two on we have a remarkable quote from japougeti once the richest man in the world and the richest man in the world
And when someone asked him
Who he enviy who he looked up
So he didn't name a business competitor or someone even richer
What he say
He said
And this is powerful
He envied people younger and stronger and more cheerful than i am people who have better characters than i have wow not about money at all not even slightly it's a stark reminders
It
It dodoesn't x dedeseated ated misery or laws ws character
It all often just adds expensive baggage to it
So the real focus should perhaps be on cultivating those core ingredients of a good life
That all they absolutely cannot buy things like love connection
Good character physical and mental health
Get those right and the money situation tends to feel a lot less stressful regardless of the exact amount
That's really it for this deep dive
Thanks for listening
