Now We're Partying

Now We're Partying - T.J. Miller

Woman

Oh my gosh, girls, and Peter, don't look now; I told you don't look.

There's that guy, he is so weird.

Look at him in his violet shirt with that toddler body.

You know, you don't need to be wearin' no shades of lavender,

When you got a body like a baby.

Oh no, I will not dance. I will not dance.

T.J

I got a club foot on the left side

And on the right side I have an even worse foot.

I'm a weird dude, I like weird sh*t

I'm a weird guy, I get weird with it

When I party it don't make much sense

Don't mind me, I'm on a 32 day Tanqueray cleanse

So you want to party like that, b**ch?

It's the fusion between confusion and something else

I'd probably get kicked out if it wasn't for the wealth

Let's wear togas, with tuxedos underneath

And order several pizzas we allow homeless men to eat

(Now I'm partying with them!)

Roll up to the club with a limp like I'm hurt (ow!)

Ask for medical attention but I call everyone Bert (what up, Bert?)

Then I explain, I'm not even wounded

This club sucks, I arrived and still ruined it

Bring a boombox in the car wash (now we're partying)

Recipes for goulash (now we're partying)

Laundrymat with no clothes (now we're partying)

At the nudist camp fully clothed

I'm a party machine, remixing Martin Luther King

Because I also have a very important dream

But in mine I'm naked, and I'm bathing in shaving cream

So it's a weird one, it's actually not that inspirational..

NyQuil when I'm fine, liquor when I'm sick

And if someone asks to see it, I show 'em a little dick

Not my penis, the short guy named Richard, we call him Rick (what up, Rick?)

He's actually kind of a dick.

I drink malt liquor on the playground

Vomit watching kids on the merry-go-round

Wait outside public restrooms, tell them I'm not in line

When they come out, I say how was it and they say"...fine?"

I got sliced ham in my pocket ready to go

If someone wants a sandwich, just provide your own roll

It's BYOB, that means"bring your own bread"

Right foot, it's always Nikes, on my left it's Keds

For every beer I drink, one goes in the toilet

I tell all the girls my purple shirt is violet

And watch them as they're more confused than I am

Then I politely offer them some of my pocket ham (it's hickory!)

Malt liquor at the party store (now we're partying)

Read Norwegian folklore (now we're partying)

Waterpark lost-and-found (now we're partying)

At casual events I wear a ball gown

Ninny-ninny foo foo, this is how we do do

Shizzle my tizzle, I fizzle when I'm on the kizzle

Nothing that I'm saying even makes sense (makes sense)

Everything I'm saying is nonsense (nonsense)

I wear shrimp cologne, go on double dates alone

Call myself three days later, don't pick up the phone

I make deposits at the bank, hangin' at the ATM

Sneak a peak at someone's balance (Now I'm partying with them!)

Don't like keg stands, prefer keg sits

When I drink wine, I get the beer-shits

Tell me about your boobs, I stay abreast of those tits

They're like whiskey when it's cold: I likes little nips!

I smoke a little w**d, then I smoke a little less (what?)

I'm ADD so I need hours for the breathalyzer test

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom

Mostly janitorial, mop and broom

Got kicked out of the party store for partying

But in my opinion, yo, here's the thing

If it's a party store and I can't breakdance or drink

They should call it The Unfun Streamer Store, don't you think?

Hanging out with Crevin Harbutton (now we're partying)

Red hats, nice luncheon (now we're partying)

Asleep in the cab (now we're partying)

Build a pillow fort out of mattresses

Woman

Oh, I know he not gonna try to sing too,

Oh my gosh, that is so 1970.

T.J.

Oh girls, it is so good to hang out with you guys in person,

I'm sick of Skyping.

(Nevermind.)

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