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I hang my coat on the hook you said was free
But it still feels like I’m borrowing the wall it leans on
I smile at the jokes
I hold the mug you handed me
But the steam don’t stick to my cold palms
it’s gone
I sit in the chair that’s marked with my name
But I keep my weight light
like I’ll break it if I stay
I know the address
I know the lock’s code
But I still feel like a kid peeking through the window
I fold myself tight into the shape you want
I learn the words
I memorize the song
But every time I think I’ve finally got it right
The floor shifts under me
and I’m back to the outside
Oh I’m in the unbelonging
Every door I open’s just a room I can’t call home
I’m in the unbelonging
Even my own shadow leaves when the lights go low
Oh I’m in the unbelonging
No hand to hold
no place to let my bones go slow
I’m in the unbelonging
Forever the guest
never the one who owns
I painted the walls the color they said was “mine”
But the paint still smells like a stranger’s choice at the store
I sleep in the bed
I keep the sheets just fine
But it still feels like I’m crashing on a stranger’s floor
I wear the clothes that fit the life I’m supposed to lead
But the fabric still itches
like it’s not my skin underneath
I say the lines I play the part
I do it all correct
But I still hear the voice in my head saying you don’t belong here yet
I carve my name into the concrete ground
I learn the rules
I wear the right crown
But every time I think I’ve finally found my spot
The rain washes it out
and I’m back to what I’m not
Oh I’m in the unbelonging
Every door I open’s just a room I can’t call home
I’m in the unbelonging
Even my own shadow leaves when the lights go low
Oh I’m in the unbelonging
No hand to hold
no place to let my bones go slow
I’m in the unbelonging
Forever the guest
never the one who owns
You say I can stay
you say the door’s unlocked
But I already have my shoes on
waiting for the knock
That tells me it’s time to go
to pack my things again
‘Cause I’ve never been the one who gets to stay ‘til the end
I used to cry about it
now I just hold my breath
I count the seconds ‘til I’m out of your depth
‘Cause if I never let myself belong to anyone
I can’t be the one who gets left when they’re done
I don’t know how to stay
I don’t know how to rest
I don’t know how to stop looking for the exit
In every room in every bed
in every soft hello
I’m already waiting for the moment I have to go
Oh I’m in the unbelonging
Every door I open’s just a room I can’t call home
I’m in the unbelonging
Even my own shadow leaves when the lights go low
Oh I’m in the unbelonging
No hand to hold
no place to let my bones go slow
I’m in the unbelonging
Forever the guest
never the one who owns
I hang my coat on the hook
I know it’s not mine
I’ll leave it clean
When I go this time
