Leo McGuire's Song-Billy Connolly
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Ah wis heading wi ma cromack up frae gretna green tae skye

But ma journey has an element of farce farce

Cauuse the calendar has stated it's the middle o' July

Yet here ah am wi snaw up tae ma arse oh yo

We ma pipes below ma oxter and ma sporran neatly pressed

Ma pockets full o' porridge for the road

We some crawford's tartan shortbread

And some tattie scones as weel

And ah'm jist aboot tae paint masel wi woad oh yo

I am heading for sweet afton

That's the place that ah am daft on

Where the smell o' tattie bogle fills the air

If ye poke amang the heather wi' a feather ye will see

Where the untamed hornie golluck has his lair oh yo

Ah remember annie laurie sure ah had her in a quarry

On the road frae tobermory tae the sea

Ah remember mountain daisy and that lassie wisnae lazy

Cause ah remember daisy mounting me oh yo

Ah remember getting pally wi a peely wally atally

In a chalet doon at butlings camp at ayr

And ah gied her a bambino as she lay and read the beano

Then she said well how did she know ah wis there oh yo

Ah wis jist a wee bit randy as she lay and read the dandy

Then she went and put a pot upon the hob

And she made me tagliatelli which she balanced on her belly

So's ah could eat while ah wis on the job oh yo

By the time the job wis over she wis

Halfway through the rover

And had started on that week's people's friend

And she made me veal escalope

And we had another wallop

Before ma strong desire came to an end

Oh the scottish summers have a certain lack of charm

Due mainly to the sudden rainy squalls

But the scottish lassies can aye keep her laddie warm

By their tender ministration to his knees oh yo

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