The candles are lit
The wine is breathing
I am the hostess the ghost in the machine
A smile applied like a fresh coat of paint
“More roast potatoes they’re divine aren’t they”
My hand steady pours the Merlot
His hand resting near his phone is a loaded gun
And Sarah’s laugh…
Sarah’s laugh is a little too bright a little too long
On the story he just told
My story
This is the performance of a lifetime
A still life with vibrating knives
Every joke is a secret handshake
Every glance is a potential crime scene
I am the curator the security guard
The exhibit and the impending alarm
Toast!To your health To my wealth
Of perfect curated calm
I clear the plates The porcelain is cold
In the kitchen the hum of the fridge is a drone of dissent
My reflection in the black oven door: a smudge of lipstick a watchful eye
Get it together The syllabub Bring out the syllabub
Back in the fray His foot brushes hers beneath the table
An accident A country
A tiny treasonous nation
I name it I map its borders in my mind
“Anyone for coffee”My voice a bell Clear Hollow
The script is fraying at the edges
My pulse is typing out an SOS on my wrist
I am translating every silence
I am archiving every micro-expression:
The tilt of her head (submissive or predatory)
The way he nods (agreement or guilt)
I am building a case out of air and excellent lighting
And I am the only witness for the prosecution
This is the performance!The center cannot hold!
The syllabub is sweet but the cream is starting to curdle in the bowl
Every laugh line is a potential fault line
Every “darling”is a landmine half-disarmed
I am the director losing the plot
The actress forgetting the part that she was shot
To play Stay Stay in the light
And smile And smile And slice the night
Into digestible beautiful bites
She-touched-his-arm
she-touched-his-arm
to-make-a-point
the-point-is-a-spear
the-spear-is-aimed-at-me
the-table-is-round
there-are-no-corners-to-hide
in-the-centerpiece
is-roses
roses-have-thorns
have-thorns
have-thorns…
“Dessert”
My voice A masterpiece
The final act
We eat the sweet trembling thing in silence
The applause is in the leaving
The goodbyes a standing ovation
The door clicks shut
And the silence…
The silence rings
And rings
And rings
