My husband's first wife

There once lived a wonderful woman

Oh, a marvelous woman was she

She cooked like an angel,

Made all her own clothes

At four every morning this paragon rose

She played the piano and cello,

And scrubbed up the kitchen each day

She sang like a dove,

And she wasn’t above taking in refined

washing, they say

She was… my husband’s first wife

She never was cranky, she jumped when you called

And the house ran on nothing at all

So he tells me…

My husband’s first wife

She hated bi-cycling: it gave her no thrill

She never went out, and she never was ill

And oh, how I wish the dear girl was here still

My husband’s first wife

My husband’s first wife

She sang as she brought up the coal every morn’

And she mentioned vacations with scorn

So he tells me…

My husband’s first

Her figure was lovely, just eighteen she looked

The children were scrubbed and their shoes

always hooked

They were born in the morning,

but dinner was cooked

By my husband’s first wife!