We bought this mattress for the two of us
Said it would hold the years
Lazy mornings
Messy love
Now we map it like a border
You stay on your side
I stay on mine
No crossing
No touching
No asking if you’re fine
I know the exact number of threads between our shoulders
I know the shape of your back better than my own hands
But I don’t know what you thought about at work today
I don’t know if you still love me
I don’t ask
You don’t say
We share a roof
Two time zones
We share a blanket
Two separate colds
You’re closer than any stranger on the street
But I’ve never felt more alone
Half the bed
A whole world I can’t reach
Last night I had a nightmare
Cried so hard I shook
You didn’t stir
Didn’t roll over
Didn’t even mumble “you okay”
I used to wake you up for everything
A spider in the bathroom
A bad dream
A song I wanted to sing
Now I hold my breath so I don’t wake you
Wipe my tears on the sheet that’s only mine
We don’t fight anymore
No screaming
No slamming doors
Everyone says we’re so perfect
So calm
So stable
So in love
We just don’t talk
We just don’t touch
We just exist in the same room
Like two plants in the same pot
Fighting for the same sun
But never touching roots
We share a last name
Two separate ghosts
We share a mortgage
Two different hopes
You’re asleep an arm’s length away
But I might as well be on the moon
Half the bed
A grave I’m lying in too
When did we stop crossing the line
When did the middle of the bed become no man’s land
Was it the third fight we didn’t finish
The first night we slept back to back and didn’t apologize
I still reach for you in my sleep
Sometimes my hand brushes your back
And I pull it back
Like I touched something hot
Like I’m not allowed
Like this bed isn’t mine too
Like I’m a guest in the life we built together
I don’t know how to fix it
I don’t know if you want to
I just lie here
Staring at the ceiling
Counting the inches between us
They get wider every night
Your breath hits the wall
I face the window
Half the bed
A whole ocean
We bought this mattress for the two of us
Now it’s just two separate solitudes
Side by side
