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Have you ever felt like you're
You know a collection of different versions of yourself shaped by forces
Barely underunderstand feeling like maybe you're playing a role
That isn't quite you yeah definitely every wonder had a truly tune into what you want and navigate complex relationships with like real authenticity and find genuine joy amits all the challenges life throws at us
Well today we're embarking on a really personal
But i think universally resonant deep dive okay
We're pulling insights
Glenton
Doil's comprehensiwork
And it's not just her story
It's like a tapestry
Ry woven with these incredible conversation
She said right with people like abby won back amanda
Doil
Doctor back eknenedy
Berne brown as ter parole so many more wow
Quite a lineup
So our mission today is to impact some proprofound truth right about self discovery identity relationships finding purpose in it room
Exactly think of it as may be a shortcut to understanding the complex map of being human helping you embrace your whole self and live more authentically let's temperit in
Okay
So let's unpack this foundation idea that we are like profoundly shaped long before we consciously even know it
Our sources is reveal that a big part of this early shaping comes from our attachment styles right
Which your basically the blueprints for how we connect developed back in childhood
That's exactly right
The core idea is how our earliest caregivers responded to our needs creates this um pattern
Okay
So you have secure atatachment
Which is really you know the gold standard
You feel safe confident able to communicate your kneyou trust
He'll be met
Yeah
Because your caregivers were generally attuned and consistent
Then there's anxious attachment
Oh Okay
Where you might experience this deep fear of abandonment
A constant need for reassurance
That's times exhausting it
It is
And it often comes from caregivers who are inconsistent
You know sometimes there
Sometimes times night right that undictability
And then we move to avoid and attachment
Yes
Where individuals learn to be fiercely self sufficient
They often sufficent away
Why is that
That usually comes from emotiondidistant caregivers ofkind taught them early on you're on your own intimacy
Feels unsafe
对
Make sense
And finally disorganized attachment
This ones arguably the most complex
Okay
It often stems from chaotic or even abusive childhoods leading to this conflicted push pool in relationship
Like they're concenssness
But being terrified of it
Exactly a desire for connection
But also a deep terror of it
And what's fascinating
Here's these aren't like rigid boxes
They're often spectrons understanding your dominant style can be incredibly liberating
Also because it allows you to consciouly we choose different ways of relating later on
Okay here's where it gets really interesting for me
Doctor becky kennedy suggests that attraction in adultiood is an activation of her earliest st tachachment pattern
It's powerful ismet our bodies are literally drawn to what feels familiar
Even if that familiarity isn't healthy
It's like a subconscious poll
I'm man anda oil's own story is such a clear example
She talks about grown up at a big family
Where she learned that
I had a chase love to get it yeah
I remember reading that
And this translated into her adult life
Leading her to be attracted to people who were a little a looof and even a little bit
Mean it's like our subconscious is trying to fix that original pattern
But often just while repeats it yeah
Exactly so beyond attachment families often assigned roles right like an unconscious ript we get handed absolutely
嗯
Abby wanbac had this profound realization
She said she thought i had to stay sick as the identified patient um aleebobodiying the families unhealth
It was a way she realized to sort of contain the family's underlying damait making her the focal point instead of the real issues
Exactly such a heavy burden for her child
It really is an a man to shares how her athleticism
While it was celebrated
But her to become the hero of her family
But she felt idolized
But never known exshe could and show her fall in perfect self
Yeah
That pressure to be perfect
You see other roles too like the parentified child
The one who felt responsible for adult emotions right or the truth teller who calls people out
Sometimes creating distance
Yeah
The sources telus that real healing from these roles
It starts with grieving the parts of ourselves
We lost just a survive grieving that sounds intense it can be
But it's not just like a mental exercise
It often means really acknowledgthe compromises
We made the desires we suppressed exactly and sitting with the sadness of those lost possibilities may ythrough journaling or just quite reflection
It's about honoring that child who had to become someone else just to cope yes powerful
So these family scripts are deep um
But the sources
Suggests there are even older more subtle influences ininerited echoes yes
Even deeper still we carry the trauma and trims of our ancestors
Wow
How does that work well amman explains epigenetics a really accessible way
How trauma can actually change us on a molecular level altering
How our dna work physically
Yeah
She sicites the study
Where descendants of dutch famminine survivors actually reflected that fammine trauma in their dn a generations lalater
It's not just a story pasass down
It's literally eched into our biuma and doctor gald atmmads we inherent not just general anxiety
But sometimes even a specific memory of ancestorial trauma
Even if we weren't told about it
Then it's quite mindly it really blows open our understanding of what shapes us
Cllanton find such inspiration in her ancestors
The ones who floated on a spaceship
That they built out of uncertainty and hope
Fleem
Jim crow terrorism
Yeah
She reflects that their resilience taught her
No one can tell me that something is impossible
It's a reminder that we carry not only the struggles
But also the immenstrength
The adaptability of those who came before absolute
And then there's culture
Our culture plays this massive often invisirole in shaping us too right
Aby wbag argues culture is destiny
Not just biology yeah
Because these gender specific expectations
Reactions
Fears and goals are infused into us from birth suddenly making us different people totally person tullers experience for instance
Feeling deep shame for wanting to conform to rigid masculinity
After his injury that's a powerful example of that internalized cultural pressure
It feels so limiting
And this extends deeply to our bodies so unior ana tailor offers this sharp critique offthe body hierarchy
The idea that we have to climate yes
Strifor for some untainable ideal
While knowing most of us living bodies that will never exist at the top glinton points out
How insanly weird
The expectation is for women to wemakeup unlike men like our natural faces are somehow inadequate right
She also powerfuly states that all whwitnesses about power and white woms's for ilty can be fragile like a bomb contrsting sting with tracelas rosses observation that no one responds to black women crying the same way
It shows how deeply engrained
Ined and unequal to cultural pressures really are
And finally we're just steepin productivity culture right
Oh Yeah
The hussle
It conditions us to husesele nonstop
It makes us feel like we have character flaws who a't constantly working treasure hersey offers sia radical countertershe she does a arting
I don't belong the capitalism
I don't belong the grind culture
When she sees rest
Differently
Totally not as a reward
But as a direct act of disruption
A vehicle to resist this system
Our body's exhaustion isn't a flaw
She says it's a message
It's a powerful message
We absolutely should pay attention to okay
So with all these invisible threads
Influencing attachment
Family roles
Ancestors
Culture ture ww w
How do we even begin to get back our authentic cells
It's a lot right but the answer according to the sources really lies in tuning into and actually trusting our inner compass
Our intuition
Yeah
It's a recurering theme
Yeah
Leenin
Amanda actually forford they all talk about trusting your intuition or believing your bones
Believing your bones es like like that
It's this internal guy that always knows what's next next a man
It describit as a flash of seeing another way
Like a quick glimpse
Yeah
Like aa cerd sense of joy and freedom that just shows up
It's maybe not sustain
But it's a true signal
A clear internal shift perhaps
A sudden sense of lighttenss or deep ece
Even if it's brief
It's signals true alignment and acting on that signal is crucial
嗯
Glenton says
Every misstestep starts with a knowing that i didn't turn into a doing
Ooh Yeah
It's about alilining inststts with our actions
Even when it feelelscary or or know counter intuitive
So so what if ver genuinely unsure
What we want
If that signal is think the answer from the sources is principle experiment to try things
Basically a luck reminds us that authenticity is not a destination
It's an orientation
It's not fixed
It's a process
Like bianaugarden's journey exactly starts in aa ook book ook fifty withwithout knowing the next step
It shows we should just start doing something that would be interesting
And that will lead something else you don't need the whole map
You really don't glenn's desire experiments are great
Here too they highlight how girls are specially yeah oftratrained to look twward for others permission in consensus for getting how to iidenfy y their own ants
Yeah
The advice is powerful
是的对的
Did i should for i want
I need
I feel
I am
And crucially make decisions based on who you are now not some imagined future hourself like kale person or the sequone jumpsuit version amamanda sometimes packs for trips right
But she adadits
Its never actually
Tually were's
It's about honoring the present self
Our bodies are also guides in this aren't huge guides nattlepoor man man learned about a full body
Yes
And full body know from her coach a physical sensation
Yeah
A clear physical feeling
Indicating true alignment or assistance
It's not just a thought
It's like viseralglenen points out the mind often fails this
Here it's never there right we need to feel what feels warm or cold
Spaces or restrictive in our bodies
It's much more reliable
And here's a fascinating inside from amanda
Yeah even seemingly negative emotions
对的对对
Resentment jealousy
They're very helpful dappoints aren't flaws
But powerful signals
Signals of what our own unmet desires telling us what we truly long for or maybe what boundaries we need to set wow
Reframing this difficult feelings okay
So when faced with difficult choices
The source is talk about this crucial distinction about what hard truly means this feels like a big one
It really is genin highlights are common tendency to choose long terms
Suffering instead of short term
M pain like staying in a miserable marriage to avoid a painful break up
Exactly that's the long term suffering she ensurall straight too they assert that lies never keep us safe
They only lead us to harm the most painful thing is being mislelined
That's what they argue having your outside life be different from your inside life so instead the path to authenticity requires to set and keep boundaries
Nittrglovertow ab defines them simply as needs that need to be expressed
And brenny brown offers this fantastic practical script for setting boundaries with family
And that's
And crucially she reminds us
That the guilt you feel after you set a boundary is not actually yours
Wow
Same more about that
It's not a faulty check engine light program by others
You can just let it go
It's not a true signal from you
That's freeing for genin the right kind of hard was divorcing
Her first husband wasn't easy
Obviously
But she chose loyalty to freedom to love to holmes
And became a cycle breaker for her family lineage shifting those patterns using a different kind of heart
Exactly
And here's a powerful paradox melody
Bety englenin suggest surrender is one of the few things in life
That hurts most before i do it before not after right implying the deepest pain is in the resistance inccling to what's not serving you anymore not let to letting go itself
Wow Okay
The shift gears a bit
对对对
Friendships
They aren't just for fun right
Yeah
The sources say they're essential energy sources absolutely vital lovi hi jones states
It's so clearly
Friendship is the thing that gives me the energy creativity happiness to actually enjoy life
It's not something you do
If you have extra energy
No
It's what gives you energy
It's a resource
So how do we cultivate that true friendship
The sources emphasize we have to stop hiding my mess be vulnerable
Truly vulnerable ganding distinguishes
Between packaged vulnerability
Sharing old trauma that's all wrapped up nicely right the solved problem versus true vulnerability
Which is sharing the messmiddle
The current struggles the uncertainties
Abvy recounts this story about a new friend alex
Yeah suggesting a postmordum after a social event
Where they talked about all their awkward moments
Oh wow
That tacoucouraright
But she said said ccracked all open and build deep immediate trust
That makes sense
Then leave views calling friends
When you have a problem as an act of love
Busit shows trust exactly and glenin's concept of couch friends versus frontyard friends love
That it illustrates how we choose who do invite into that deeper trust the ones
Who make us feel you can exist the most
And if you're feeling left out
Amman a suggests creating a french to
To visualiyour other connections see the whole network
Or and if aby humorously ads yeah buy a chain saw and lop off the leaving out branch uh a bit extreme
But maybe cathartic okay shifting to romantic love
It definitely evolves beyond that initial lightning strike face right it has to
Oh
Absolutely marthobec offers this beautiful insight let go of how love should be
So i can embrace the love
I have accepting what is yes
She describes her love as a comforting summer shower not settling but magical in its steady nurturing presence
That's lovely and ababy agrees stating falling in love is dumb luck
Rising in love together is the miracle
Ah rising in love it's active
It's conscious cocreation yeah
And this ssing in love requires paying close attention and turning twenty others difficult fepresence like stephanie food in emily
Negoaskie emphasize right not fixing but just being present cerebries defines love as allowing someone the dignity of their own discomfort instead of trying to fix them or give adadice stated and ask for exactly respecting their process
So communication becomes truly key also so aby suggests asking your partner
What do you want to know
What do you need to feel safe that openthings up it really does
And chris n press highlights giving each other
The freedom to be who they are trusting that if they want to be with you
They will be that's profound trust okay
Conflict we often dread it
But the source to say it doesn't have to be destructive
No
It can actually be a path to greater closeess
Ginmon is surprisingly pro conflict really yeah
She sees it as a vehicle to understand each other better aby compares it to a pot hole in the road
We can go through and come out
Okay okay
That's a good visual the key
She says is simplification stating feelings directly like my feelings are really hurt period coming through the noise exactly
And the sources reveal four common understories to conflict like the real reasons underneath
Yes care concern respector cognition power control and strestress overwhelm
Once you identify the real root resolution becomes possible
That makes sense now a significant challenge
Especially in partnerships is the mental load
Oh Yes
A man had calls it these screaming ticker of invisible labor
That constant list running in your head
Hm and gguroinos experience highlights this perfectly a partner asking how can i help
Can actually add to the load
Because you still have to direct them right
It shifts the planning burden back the solution
The sources argue is for both partners to be co creator architect and carrier of the ticktrue shared responsibility
Equal quality of life exactly and sometimes even with all this effort
嗯嗯
Love is letting go
Even of expectations
Even of long held expectations
Glin posiits that divorce isn't always sad
It can be a victorious ent or a brave new beginning
If it means choosing yourself
Yes and becoming that pycle breaker for your liniage
Honoring your authentic path
Okay
Let's talk parenting the sources suggest our role isn't to sculpt our kids
No
It's more like nurturing their inherent selves
Glton uses the metaphor of being a gardener
Gardener fostering lock ving healthy open soil for her children to bloom as themselves not trying to force them into a certain shape
I like that and a man to ads that radically believing a child is already okay
That shifts everything they moves parenting from fixing to deeply loving them
As they are without needing their achievements for your validation right
Aby notes that parents fear of the world rejecting their kids can lead them to bring that rejection energy to me first ouch harming them in an attempt to protect them actly darterbebec
Kennedy offers three powerful phrases for parents
When kids are upset that build trust
I'm so glad
To talking me about this is so important
But i believe you and
And tell me more the ultimate goal is teaching ing ds to trust themselves to be their own guides empowering them
And on this topic of cultivating life trace
Alice is roson and amanda discuss societies incredibly narrow definition of fertility limiting it just a baby making yeah ignoring women's vast dibtive fertility
They called an unbelievable injustice ruby worwarrant speaks to women who choose not to have aby king izing their ability to find deep purpoand for pililment in pursuits
Other than motherhood validating that choice abbby shares the long selfless act to faith of bonus parenting becoming part of a bllenfamily family history
Noting the difficulty with the importance of staying long enough to become part of their record
Glenn defines a fixed family not by structure
No but as any family in which each member can bring her full self to the table
Knowing that she will always be both held and free
That's a beautiful vision
Held and free
It really is and glenn's gods to do list practice
It's a practical way to manage overwhelm how does it
It work she releases words
She can't control like my kids safety to a higher power
It freeze her up to focus on what is manageable
Letting go to see uncontrollable exactly
And a man is clearly after her cancer diagnosis running to see her daughter strack me that perfectly illustrates putting my energy volume here exactly
And only where i'm most wanted to go
Such focus okay our relationship with our bodies
This feels absolutely central to self acceptance
Where all these threads converge
Totally a man a englend
Powerfully assert we fiercely control our bodders
We only control what we don't trust
Wow say that again we only control what we don't trust
Glend vividly describes our devastating fall from grace at age ten
When she contst her acuteneous currency
Yes felt t world
World pull back back
Leading ing to hatred red my
My body
Because changing beaubeauty standards
It wasn't an internal failing
It was a societal message
So uurana tailor argues we weren't born ashamed of our body
We were taught to be often through anti fatlifrom
People
People who ciim highlias ubbrigorgon highlits glen connects beauty standards directly to power noting things like skin bleaching as institutional choices not individual ones there re's social constructs designed to control
So the ultimate message from sunurane tatailor is really jeject
Anything tells me to fear ar yyself
That i'm broken clinton adds that resisting beauty standards and wellness subsession is a matter of life and death
Death because they divert crucial resources
Time Money
Energy from individual and collective liberation
It's an active rebellion to love yourself as you are
So how do we practice that prrentice mpped championons embodiment through simple things listening to their signals
Stretching tooing back into your physical self
Exactly jane hatmaker started referring to her body as she or her as a separate entity
Sort of a way of externalizing and trusting its wisdom viewing it as team
You not something a conquer
I like that okay
So when we find herself stuck in bold patterns
Feeling overwhelmed
Yeah
How do we shift how do we find relief glin advisses two things getting still and get moving both yeah
Her powerful story about staying on our mat
During yoga facing intense pain without running away
Exactly it freed her from being terrified of pain itself and a anda notes that walking has shown me
Who i am so how to put motion to a motion so still nosn movement are pathways
They are and choosing what is enough is cricle chris imppress realizshe's substituted self as steam for ambition constant only riving never feeling adequate toronto books
Joy journal helped her quantify the free inherent joys in her life
What did she realized
She realized you can't sell anything
Anymore i'm not buying any of it dr her core satisfactions separate from external validation that's powerful
And for immediate relief f the ource is really advocate being gentle with yourself
Doctor christian enough talks about flooding myself with compassion
During her sons tantrum on a plane actively choosing self kindness
Yes
Others emphasize reaching for connection like trace
Aleis
Ross and seeking professional help even crisis hot lines as jenny loss and bravely shares remembering ing past
Jenny must know chissher hur's idea
A rest comes back here too yes as a meticulous love practice and a generative state not just stopping but actively disrupting gran culture and filling your 're they're finally a simple tool
对对对对对
Laughter so important
Shirl ststraight and abbe highlight the physical checheical benefits laughter in smiling or one of the most healing acts of love
We can give ourselves an immediate recalibration okay
So what is this all add up to what's the point of this messy beautiful human experience
According to these sources
Kate bowlers suggest people are magic and moments
Are magic
Magic moments
Coming go kwill feel that until we die and cepthink that is okay
Accepting lives
Fleeting precious nature trying to control it exactly glenton describes the stab of joy
That simultaneous feeling a pure joy and dread
Knowing whatever i love
I'm gonna lose
Yes
Suzan came calls it holding these two truth at the same time
This amazing precious child and the fact of impermanence
Which is why it can make us cry
But also allows for deep appreciation
Glin concludes being human is not about feeling happy
It's about feeling everything numming doesn't reduce the brutal
It only makes the beautiful ful inaccessible
She asserts life is brutful
Brutal and beautiful
But life and love win it's about fully showing up for all of it
So like a job would chooses to live every day
As if it's my first not last was all in curiosity prioritizing play an unstructured time over a rigid bucket list was amman is realization that her fear of being ordinary was actually a fear of accepting
Why am that highlights the deep peace found in self acceptance just being in you
So the ultimatic way seems to be the masterpiece of our lives can never be finished
And it's never supposed to be finished
The point is to just keep painting
Keep evolving
Amanda notes the changes we make those micronmental shifts
They become visible
Eventually we get forever tries to figure it out
One step at a times they continuous process and a luure arthor offers this profound message to carry love will never abandoned you have never been abandoned love will never leave you
If you choose to jump
It will catch you a reminder of inherent safety
And as the title of glenn's work reminds us we can do hard things we really can
So we journey through how our identities are formed harnessing interwisdom
Building connected relationships
Finding joy and meaning in the full brutful spectrum of being human
And as we heard this journey isn't really about finding definitive answers is it
It's about courageously embracing the questions
Glenton says
I don't know our magical library words so a final thought for you listening what freedom might you unlock today
If you simply allowed yourself to say i don't know and trusted that the ath ath will let one step at a time
Keep exploring
Keep questioning
And most importantly keep trusting that quiet intervoice
