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Lately I been kinda stuck in this depression
But it's something
Cuz the thought of it brings tension
To the table
And that's the last thing I'm tryna do
Is bring everybody down into this fucked up world
And I been getting kinda crazed
And my memory's been hazed
I been smoking on that loud just
To get through these slow days
And it's
Fucking lonely I feel no one really knows me
And the thoughts inside my mind if they were human they'd be ugly
I like turned into a monster, but I'm not the kind that slaughters
Just the kind with the idea but then I turn into a goner
If I went numb
Would I find myself in a new situation of frustration
Or a wave of new sensations?
I'm feeling hopeless and my focus isn't getting noticed
It's kinda bogus though
It's hard to vanish when you're sounding
Toneless and your slowness takes on over and your soulless
Not a good hostess
I can't hide my face emotionless
I pray to someone higher up then me I'll find my way
And maybe someday I will know that name I always say
For now I hide behind illusion of some happy thoughts
But they're just masks to hide emotions cuz with tears I've fought
And I know that this will get easier overtime
But it's so hard when I can't change shit so I say I'm fine
But really I don't wanna be stuck in this fucked up place
They say it's not that bad review the years I rest my case
Now I'm not saying that I'm here with a bottle of pills
I say I wanna go but I don't got the balls to kill
I'll never act upon my instincts to go grab the knife
I wanna live but really feel alive enjoy this life
But still I'm in my room I let the days pass me so
Write some new lyrics but do nothing to get on the road
Tomorrow starts the journey say it everyday they hear
But I think I'm the problem if tomorrow never gets here
At least I recognize I'm working on making a change
Cuz if I'm in this spot in 30 years I'll go insane
But deep down I know that is not my destiny
What I'm meant to do is change the world
It's meant to be
I always got this little feeling right inside my heart
And I know once I've changed a life that I'm doing my part
It kinda sucks though cuz I can't make change with my eyes closed
Not that I don't wanna help but I myself am down dark roads
I'm trying every day to find myself and make shit better
And I won't stop until I've done it cuz I'm not a quitter
It's kinda crazy cuz this journey I been on is so
Fucking amazing everything comes full circle you know
I've made connections about myself with things from in the past
I have things in my future that I thought would never last
I'm learning how to keep myself company
And in the process watching growth in my maturity
I'm getting older and the real world seems fucking gray
But in my mind the way I see things it's a sunny day
And I'm not saying all this hate doesn't break my heart
But while I'm tryna change it I learned to see in the dark
It's not as scary as anyone would assume
But you'll never make it here unless you're ready to bloom
That comes with realizing you fucked up once or twice before
But having balls to admit that your actions were poor
And knowing what to do to change so next time you're fair
Cuz finding people with good hearts these days is really rare
And everyday I'm learning how to live breathing this air
And it took some time never completely there but we're getting there
Yea
But that's life I guess
Always almost there
Always reaching
