I Speak (Explicit)

I speak my truth when I say I'm ****ed up

My thoughts the type make a priest go grab a gun

I speak my truth when I say I'm not happy

The voices in my head of others they keep attacking

I speak my truth when I say I'm misguided

So many things I'm supposed to do I'm divided

Don't know if I'm distressed or mentally tired

The truth is maybe that I just have been lying

I've been lying to myself

Been politically sensitive when I don't give a ****

Been lending my ear when I've been deaf

Trying to love people when I don't love myself

And it's a ****ed up way to live I'm crying

But the lack of tears on my face make you think I'm lying

Take a closer look you'll see I'm dying

But from a distance, my pain looks like I'm smiling

I'm not smilin'

I speak my truth when I say I love my mother

But I can't tell her how much I actually love her

I speak my truth when I say I love my father

Been trying to say it but when do I hear screaming sirens

I speak my truth when I say I feel like a failure

Been wasting away all of my potential areas

And I feel I've failed god long back,

friends are with me now but soon they'll turn backs

And that's facts

I've been lying to myself

Been tolerant of bullshit when I'd bust caps

Been lending my ear when I'm deaf

Trying to make you understand when I don't get

And it's a ****ed up way to live I'm crying

But the lack of tears on my face make you think I'm lying

Take a closer look you'll see I'm alive

But from a distance poking holes in my body looks like I'm dying

I'd been lying if I say I got out the system

Hiding my scars so I can jump on the podiums

I'd be lying if I appear saintly

I have to tame the lustful devil inside the chains dainty

The rest of the level is high where I have to let the ****ed up thoughts pass on by

I ask myself everyday if this is

what it's like being human

2 moments of clarity of knowing freedom

of turning your middle fingers to all tumors

And screaming I'm in lord's union

But right after it's a sour taste

like you had something good beside you

but it's all erased,

like the face of a lover in a dream all gone

But the memories and the warmth stay with all along

What a ****ed way to live

How can I bring this fate to kids?

So I won't have any and to lessen the pain

drink this henny