There was something I was trying to say
But I kept losing my grip on the slippery meaning
The same way cold resentments can get swallowed
By the start of the spring, when everything’s beginning
Dehydrated dreamers practice shitty tricks in the grass
Weak ollies and yin-yang ankle tats
These are 5K stragglers, dealership hagglers
The sad-faced bystanders on those gas station cameras
And there was something I was trying to say
But I was followed by a non-descript chemical smell
An amature witch cast her fist binding spell
And the laughter of my neighbors in their trailers
Punctuated those awful tendrils
Awful edges as your hometown keeps extending its bleed
Every time that you leave
Misremembered awful passage of some book
You didn’t actually read, yeah?
We all navigate the having of bodies and histories
It’s a snuff film existence
Matthew writes poetry about coffee piss, loneliness,
The only-ness of his childhood
And I do my best to stand in as some simulated sibling
A satellite rendition of an oddball older brother
A mythical creature who’s got his **** together
But it never works
There was something I was trying to say
But the paperwork at the plasma center ate up the first half of the day
The creeps in their cars just got in my way
I went looking for my friends
It was last call again
Oh, the embers
When the controlled burn that you call your 20’s is finally
extinguished, you know you’ll still need someplace to go
Misremembered every story, every word, every lyric, every mention
Everything that I said, everything that it meant
But it’s okay! It’s ok.
There was something I was trying to say.
