Cletus, the Legend of the Lab

Gather 'round y'all, I got a story to tell

'Bout the wildest histotech who raised some hell

He's part outlaw, part hero, and full-on outlawed

This here's the legend of Cletus, the lab's last cowpoke

Born in a town where the microscopes shine

Cletus learned to slice 'fore he could even dine

Raised on moonshine and methylene blue

He stained every slide 'til they practically flew

He rode the microtome like a buckin' bull

Cut through the tissue, every slice was full

No block too thick, no stain too tough

When Cletus was near, the slides got rough

Cletus, the legend, the king of the stain

Ridin' that scope like a runaway train

From grossin' to slicin', he owns the whole show

With a banjo, a blade, and a heart made of glow

So raise up your slides and holler real loud

Cletus is here, and he's rockin' the crowd!

He cussed out the scanner, he danced on the bench

Drank his fixative straight from a wrench

He'd label your samples with a cowboy's flair

And throw out the rules like they weren't there

He mixed up the stains with a rebel's grin

Turned eosin pinker than a summer gin

He hacked the protocol, rewrote the script

If it wasn't for Cletus, the lab might have flipped

But one fateful night, the cryostat went cold

The tissue went missing, the story was told

Cletus stood tall, with a glare so mean

Said,"I'll find that slide or I'll ride this machine!"

He chased that tissue through the cold lab halls

Over frozen floors and freezer walls

With a yell like thunder, and boots on fire

Cletus saved the day with his wild desire

Cletus, the legend, the outlaw supreme

The histotech hero of every path dream

He's sliced and he's stained

He's danced and he's sung

A legend forever, forever young

So stand up, y'all, let your voices explode

Cletus, the king of the pathology road!

And if you hear a banjo in the dead of night

It's Cletus still ridin', cuttin' just right