Hey I Don't Work Here (Explicit) - Tom Cardy
Saturday morning comes and goes without too much on my mind
Except maybe lunch
I walk down to the shops just to move
Feel a bit rough from last night
I may have drunk a bit too much
A lady in the supermarket approaches way too fast
And her eyes are intense
And she spits a little bit when she asks
"Where do you keep the pasta"
"I dunno aisle three"
"Well can you get it for me"
I just want a Gatorade but she rolls her eyes
So I kind of lose it
Hey I don't work here
And if I did I would not sell you ****
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could hide all of the things you want from you
Hey I don't work here
But if I did
Would I be wearing a dirty white singlet
Ya fool
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
"Silly me I've had the pasta all along
**** you"
I don't work here
I don't work here
Bah
Saturday arvo comes and goes and I'm feelin' pretty great
I made a middle-aged woman cry today
Walkin' on the hot sand of Bondi Beach
I take a rest in the lifeguard tower shade
My foresight readies me for melee
A man runs from the surf and approaches way too fast
With a bluebottle across his chest
He shakes me as he asks
"You've gotta save my kid"
"I can't really swim"
"What kind of lifeguard are you then"
I'm just here to take a nap
But he rolls his eyes so I kind of snap
Hey I don't work here
And if I did I would not save your kid
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could help relieve that nasty sting for you
Hey I don't work here
But if I did
Would I make a racecar out of sand then fall asleep
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should maybe I should maybe I should
"Should do what
Save my son"
"No get a job"
"What about my son
He's drowning"
"Your son's fine he just swims weird
And you shouldn't hold that against him"
"Oh my God thank you I can't begin to
He's gone"
Saturday night comes and goes without too much on my mind
Just kickin' a ball down the street
I give it too much juice
And it flies over the fence of my local NASA compound
Just bear with me
Guards are all passed out
It seems there's been a planned attack
The alarm is blaring loud but I'm the only one intact
I try to phone for help but unfortunately
There's an alien transmitting itself to NASA's screens specifically
"Give us your planet"
"Okay I don't let me find someone alright just relax"
"Give us your planet"
"I I I said okay
We're under attack"
"Give us your planet"
"Okay I don't have the authority to do that"
I just came to get my ball
But it's been a long day
So I speak for us all
"Ladies and gentlemen we are reporting live across the globe
Alarming news as extraterrestrial life has issued a statement of war to Planet Earth"
War
"The alien transmission technology has left all
But one individual incapacitated within the transmission receiving point
A NASA space compound located in Sydney Australia"
Australia
The time has come
And humankind can do nothing more than pray and watch on
As the diplomat for Planet Earth responds with what we can only imagine
As an articulate plea for peace and mercy
Hey I don't work here
And if I did
I would not surrender ****
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could take a trip to Mars and strangle you
Hey I don't work here
But if I did
Do you think the President of Earth has a ******* mullet
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could put my planetary fist in you
That way I could teach your kid to drown in front of you
That way I could hide all of the linguine from you
