Hi,I'm ART PAUL SCHLOSSER and when putting this CD out I was trying to do a romantic style CD(Actaully funny romantic or strange) but I had some extra stuff and the romantic songs wheren't very long so as you can see I threw some jokes in and a Bret Farve song(4) because Packer songs were selling pretty good and I liked Bret Favre's passing ability at the time.In doing this CD I wanted to go back to my roots of folk and blues because I was inspired by this acoustic guitar I had that had a bluesy sound to it.The Cover was a drawing that while I was playing Dan Huran drew me and then handed me the drawing.I liked it for the cover because I'm upstaging the audiance.I also liked it because my weird song Beach Old Lady is on this CD and I thought since I'm wearing a hawaiian shirt that might look interesting and hawaiian shirts make a guy look handsome.I choose red instead of black to go with the Valentine theme.The CD is also red and has a heart on it.The Last song The Filler song was written live in the studio and done in one take.The Filler song is basically a song to fill up the CD so you get more music for your money.Be My Valentine is my longest CD as far as time.Well I hope this helps you decide-APSOkay maybe I'll let you read some lyrics too.Here they are:1. Sound BiteThis is the sound bite2. Red Hat BluesI’ve got the bluesI’ve got the bluesI’ve got the read hat bluesI’ve got the read hat bluesR.E.A.D.ReadThere's alot of words on itPeople read my hatI’ve got the read hat bluesRead ReadRead hat bluesRead ReadRead hat bluesI’ve got the bluesI’ve got the bluesI’ve got the redI’ve got the red hat bluesI’ve got the red hat bluesYeah R.E.D.It’s redIt’s redWell at least it was redUntil I put it in the washThen it turn pinkI’ve got the pink hat bluesThen one day while I was wearing itIt fell off it got all dirty now it brownI’ve got the brown hat bluesRed RedRed hat bluesRed RedRed hat bluesI’ve got the bluesI’ve got the rad hat bluesI’ve got the rad hat bluesYou know R.A.D.RadMy hat is radYou know it’s really coolA lot of people like itWell I think they doMaybe they don’tActaully they probable don’tWell so whatI don’t careIt’s radI like itIt’s rad hatRad hat bluesI’ve got the rad hat bluesRadRadRad hat bluesRadRadRad hat blues3. Cat Horse JokeQ:What do you get when you mix a cat and a horse ?A:Well you know what, it eat the funniest things and when it talks it makes this sound: meheheow4.I Like My MotherAfter my mother died I felt lead to write this because my Mother was a great mother. There's candy Ice cream Chocolate Good dreams And I like my Mother ! Mothers are sweet Mothers are nice They help you Give you good advice And they make you cookies ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I Like my Mother ! I really Like My Mother ! There’s Uncles Cousins Sisters Brothers Fathers And I like my Mother ! And I pray God You'll let my Mother live a thousand years So I don't have to get a job or do anything And I can just live with my mother ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother ! I like my Mother !I really Like My Mother5. 5This is the speech about the speech about the speech about the speech, which is about the speech actually maybe I should just sing a song.1,2,3,4,5A,B,C,D,55,5,5,5,5Maybe I’ve been watching too much sesame street 5Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco5,5,5,5,5My girlfriend told me to meet her at a certain time, when I think it was it 56. 44-44 4 4-44 4 4-44-4He's a LegendHe's a LegendNumber 4-4Brett FavreBrett FavreBrett FavreBrett FavreBrett FavreBrett FavreWatch him throw a Hail Mary Pass4-44 4 4-44 4 4-44-4He's a LegendHe's a LegendNumber 4-4Won the mostValuable player award3 years in a rollHe's a LegendHe's a LegendNumber 47. She’s a Slow WalkerShe’s a slow walkerBut man can she move Yeah she’s a slow walkerMan can she moveShe’s a slow walkerBut man can she moveSaid take’s her a while to get thereBut when she gets there she’s always in the grooveRides her bikeAlmost all the timeYeah rides her bikeAlmost all the timeRides her bikeAlmost all the timeAnd when she gets to the hillMan can she climbShe’s a slow walkerBut man can she move She’s a slow walkerBut man can she move She’s a slow walkerBut man can she move Take’s her a while to get thereBut when she gets there she’s always in the grooveShe gives me the eyeIt really makes me screamShe gives me the eyeShe really makes me screamShe gives me the eyeIt really makes me screamYou know I love to kiss herBut she's only thirteenYeah she don’t smoke cigarettesIt’s mostly bubblegumShe don’t smoke cigarettesIt’s mostly bubblegumShe don’t smoke cigarettesIt’s mostly bubblegumShe loves to laughShe loves to have funShe’s a slow walkerBut man can she move She’s a slow walkerBut man can she move She’s a slow walkerBut man can she move They say it take’s her a while to get thereBut when she gets there she’s always in the groove8. Never Grow UpKeep growingKeep growingNever grow upNever grow upKeep growingKeep growingBut never grow upToo many people worrying about the billsToo many people taking too many pillsToo many people making too many rulesAnd then their sticking their nose into what your trying to doKeep growingKeep growingKeep growingNever grow upNever grow upKeep growingKeep growingBut never grow upI don’t want to get to wild while I’m youngI don’t want to treat people like they are dumbI don’t want to be a nit picky personHey there’s still time let’s have funToo many people worried about the futureThey forget that we’re still living in the now and hereThey miss out on all the beauty that is so dearAnd then they don’t see the squirrels or the birds or the flowers that are nearThey don’t9. Swatting A FlyI’ve got to get that flyI’ve got to get that flyI hate these fliesTheir getting meI’ve got to get itOwe !I hit myselfI’ve got to get that fly Owe !I hit myself againI got him10. Setting Off The AlarmI hope no one catches me in here.11.The RobberyWell the robber broke into the bankAnd he set off thee alarmAnd though they could hear thee alarmNo one could see himBecause he was the Invisible ManAn the Invisible Man couldn’t be caughtAn the Invisible Man couldn’t be shotCause no one could see himIn night or dayAnd that’s how he got awayHe was the Invisible ManAn the Invisible Man couldn’t be shotAn the Invisible Man couldn’t be caughtAnd he got away12.Yes-You Caught MeYes you caught meDrinking Ice tea13.Please Mr. PolicemanPlease Mr. Policeman don’t shoot me with your gunI’m just playing my guitar and I’m having a little funI don’t want to hurt no body and no body wants to hurt meSo please Mr. Policeman let me go freeI won’t sit and I won’t standI’ll hold my breath try not to breath if I canI’m just gonna play a song and then I’ll disappearOops I standing near someone else’s beerYeah I was just sitting there not doing any thing wrongNot thinking any evil thoughts just playing my songsWell you know it wasn’t murder and it wasn’t robberyIt was the terrible crime of vagrancyPlease Mr. Policeman don’t shoot me with your gunI know I’m just a citizen but that don’t mean I’m dumbYou know my rights but that don’t mean I’m wrongHey what’s so evil about a song14. Beach Old LadyHi,this is a song I wrote about the Beach Boys because they’re kind of old these days and they’re getting even older and I was thinking maybe this something they will sing at age 100.Beach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyShriveled in the Sand Beach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyAm I to old to be your old man ?We haven’t had a hit in quite a whileBut we still need the bucksSo even though we don’t got no new hits We’re gonna sing the old songs that suckBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyShriveled in the Sand Beach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyAm I to old to be your old man ?Yeah all our grand children listen to punkAnd some of them listen to rapAnd every time we try to practiceThey said turn that off it’s15.Beach Old Lady RevistedBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyShriveled in the Sand Beach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyAm I to old to be your old man ?Beach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyShriveled in the Sand Beach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old ladyBeach old lady, Beach old lady16.At The Elvis ConcertAnnouncer : Ladies and Gentleman Elvis has just ate the buildingElvis : Thank you, very muchThank you, very muchBurpThank you, berry muchThank you, blueberry muchThank you, raspberry muchThank you, cranberry muchThank you, strawberry muchThank you, berry much17.I’m BlueI’m BlueI’m BlueI bought some paintTo paint my houseIt was Blue paintI spilled all over me I’m BlueI’m Blue18. Sound Bite IIThis is another sound bite19.CommercialThis is the commercial About the commercial About the commercialThere is going to be a commercial but we don't know what that's aboutThis is the commercialAbout the commercial About the commercialThey said there wasn't enough commercials And since they already had commercials about commercialsThis is the commercialAbout the commercialAbout the commercial20.4 Again4 44 4 44 44 4 4Brett Favre Brett FavreWatch him sell you something on TV21. You’re Gonna DieSomeday BabeWe're all gonna hit the graveSomeday BabeWe're all gonna hit the graveSomeday BabeWe're all gonna hit the graveSome are cowards and some just think their braveWell some go easyAnd some they go hardSome go easyAnd some go hardSome go easyAnd some go hardBut death’ll get you it doesn’t matter if you’re a StarWell it’s sunny and brightBut tomorrow it’s gonna rainToday it’s sunny and brightBut tomorrow it’s gonna rainToday it’s sunny and brightBut tomorrow it’s gonna rainYou can’t add one day to your life no matter how much you complainOne day BabeWe're all gonna hit the graveSomeday BabeWe're all gonna hit the graveSomeday BabeWe're all gonna hit the graveAnd death’ll get you no matter how much money in the bank you save Some are QueensAnd some they are saintsYeah you maybe a QueenAnd you maybe a SaintYou maybe a QueenAnd you maybe a SaintBut some that say they are, often they ain’tYeah you better get readyCause you don’t know when it will comeYou better get readyYou don’t know when it will comeYou better get readyYou don’t know when it will comeAnd if you think your fooling God well maybe your dumb22. Get The Lord Known(In Your Heart Yeah)Chorus:Get the Lord known in your heart yeahGet the Lord known in your heart yeah1.Got questionsAsk JesusGot QuestionsAsk Jesus2.Why go to an empty well?Why go to an empty well?3.Many seeketh but they don’t find itThey seeketh but they seeketh in the wrong place23. Kum ba yaKum ba ya my Lord, kum ba ya Kum ba ya my Lord, kum ba ya Kum ba ya my Lord, kum ba ya Oh, Lord kum ba yaSomeone’s crying Lord, kum ba ya Someone’s crying Lord, kum ba yaSomeone’s crying Lord, kum ba yaOh, Lord kum ba ya.Having a goodtime Lord kum ba yaHaving a goodtime Lord kum ba yaHaving a goodtime Lord kum ba yaOh, Lord kum ba ya.I've got the Blues my Lord kum ba yaI've got the Blues my Lord kum ba yaI've got the Blues my Lord kum ba yaOh, Lord kum ba ya.Someone’s praying Lord, kum by ya Someone’s praying Lord, kum by yaSomeone’s praying Lord, kum by yaOh, Lord kum ba ya.24. Oh When Those Saints(Go Marching In) Oh, when the saintsGo marching inOh, when the saints go marching inOh you know l want to be in that numberWhen the saints go marching inYeah you know saved My soul from sinYou know saved My soul from sinBy his blood you know he cleanse meYou know saved my soul from sinHallelujahPraise the LordHallelujah praise the LordGlory too God in the highestHallelujah praise the Lord25. She’s Got a Gorgeous Beard1.I think I'm going be weirdI think it's today yeahMy girlfriend grew a beardAin't that strange yeahChorus:She's got a gorgeous beardShe got a gorgeous Beard-erd-erdShe's got a gorgeous beard and she looks great2.She said that she just woke upAnd there it wasShe don't know the reasonOr the cause(return to chorus)27.Be My ValentineBe my Valentine Drive me crazy and blind For your love I will do anything I'll even try to fly even though I don't have wings I'm a fool for your love Yes I can be crazy and dumb Try me anytime See how love is really blindBe my Valentine All common sense I'll leave behind For your love I'll even do timeSo what if I didn't do the crime28. Letz DanzeLetz danzeLetz danzeLetz danzeYou’ve got antz in your pantz Letz danzeLetz danzeD-d-danzeLetz danzeYeah you think your from FranzeLetz danzeLetz danzeD-d-danzeLetz danzeOut your ear are 6 plantzLetz danzeD-d danzeD-d danzeDanze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze, danze Your in a psychedelic tranzeLetz danze29.Do you ever feelDo you ever feelDo you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movieAnd all of a sudden it starts to get darkAnd all these eyes are staring at youAnd dogs Do you ever feelDo you ever feelNot with your handsDo you ever feel like your in a scary movieAnd all of a sudden it starts to get darkAnd all these eyes are staring at youAnd all these eyes are staring at youAnd all these eyes are staring at youDo you everDo your ever feelDo you ever feel like your in a scary movieAnd the music is really eerieAnd it starts to get dark and all these eyes are staring at youAre staring at youAnd dogs start to barkRuffRuff Ruff RuffRuff Ruff RuffDo you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movieDo you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movieAnd it starts to get darkAnd all these eyes are staring at youAnd dogs start to barkAnd they get louderAnd they get louderAnd they get louderDo you ever feel like your in a scary movieAnd it starts to get darkDo you ever feelDo you ever feelDo you ever feel like your in a scary movieAnd it starts to get darkAnd all these dogs start to barkAnd the eyesEyes are staring at you everywhereAnd you think some guys going to jump out of the bushes And take all your money and kill youDo you ever feel Do you ever feel like your in a scary movieAnd it starts to get darkAnd the music is really eerieAnd all these eyes are staring at youAnd dogs are barkingAnd some guys going to jump out of the bushes And you wake upAnd you wake upAnd some guys knocking on your doorAnd you answer the door and it's the IRS and you owe them 2000 dollars30. Ordinary BluesIt’s FridayBut it feels like TuesdayI just don’t know what to sayIt’s freezing outThe wind is blowing aboutAnd it makes me want to just run awayI wish I could be in CaliforniaI wish I could be somewhere elseI’ve got a jobBut it makes me sobBecause I’ve got to work everydayI’d rather singOr do some artistical thingI only wish I could figure out how to make it payI wish I could be a successI wish I didn’t need this jobI’ve got the bluesThe routine is ordinary bluesAnd I feel like I can’t stayYeah it’s trueI don’t know what to doBut I can’t keep living this wayI wish I could be in New YorkI wish I could be somewhere else31. Rosy The VampirraRosy come over That’s what I fearRosy come overThere’s no face in the mirrorThat’s what I fearThat’s what I fearRosy come over There’s no face in the mirrorI think of you oftenWhen I’m in the coffinI think of you oftenYour Dreadfully dearWell I’m on the midnight trainOr is this a nightmareWell I’m on the Midnight train Your vangs are coming near32. Ain’t GreatWe need a lot of moneySo we built ourselves a great big factoryAnd though it destroyed a lot of landWe’re getting rich so we’re happyYeah we make little white plastic things that no one knows what they doBut everyone is buying themBecause there really coolAnd although we’re destroying the oceanBy pouring out toxic wasteWe give part of the money to a good cause Say ain’t that greatAin’t that greatAin’t that greatAin’t that greatAin’t that greatEven though we’re destroying the oceanBy pouring out toxic wasteWe give part of the money to a good causeAin’t that greatKazoo ~~~~~Ain’t that great33. You Can LeaveIs my noseIs my noseIs my nose to big for youIs my noseIs my noseIs my nose to big for youIf my noseIf my noseIf my nose’s too big for youIf my nose ‘s too big for youWell you know what you can doIf my nose ‘s too big for youYou know what you can doYou can leaveAre my feetDo my feetDo my feet stink tooDo my feetDo my feetDo my feet stink tooDo my feetIf my feetIf my feet stink tooIf my feet stink tooWell you know what you can doIf my feet stink tooWell you know what you can doYou can leaveYou can leaveYou can leaveYou can leave, leave, leave, leave, leave, leaveMake like a treeMake like a treeMake like a tree and leaveLeaveLeaveMake like a tree and leaveI’ll point my finger to the doorYeah you don’t have to come back no morePoint my finger to the doorYou can leave34. YeahYeah YeahYeah, yeah, yeahYeah YeahYeah, yeah, yeahYeahYeahYeah, yeah, yeahYeah, yeahYeah, yeahYeahYeahYesYesYes, yes, yes.yes ,yes Yes Yes, yes, yes, yes, yesYes Yes, yes, yes, yes, yesYes why yesYes why yesYes YesSiSiSi Senior SiSi SiSi Senior SiSiSiSi Senior SiSi, siSi, siSeniorOuiOuiOui MadameselOuiOuiOui MadameselOuiOui Oui MadameselOui OuiMadameselOui OuiMadameselOui35. Sound Bite IIIOh No ! Not another sound bite !36. The Filler SongThis is the filler songYeah I’m just filling up the space between the rest of the CD with this songThis is the filler songAren’t you glad you bought this CD because it’s got lots of music on it ?Infact I decided to fill up a lot of it with just this songHey have you shaved lately ?Hey what are doing right now ?Do you know what your brother is ?What about the police ?Are they knocking on your door ?Open up Open up this is the copsThis the copsOpen up this is the copsThis is the filler songI don’t know what it’s about I’m just making it up as I go alongThis is the filler songThis is the filler songFiller up at the gas stationFill up this CDPhilip ran for presidentHe lost the election so instead he’s working at a gas stationYeah he says they say to him Philip filler her upPhilip filler her upDid I mention this is the filler song ?Yeah this is the filler songWhat do you get when you don’t cross nothing with nothing ?You get more nothingUnless you don’t cross itThen you still have nothingWe’re going fasterI drop my aI drop my pick I’m gonna try to find it hereOh I’m gonna have a little more ice tea well I’m hereThis is the filler song so I’m just filling up this spot with all sorts of rapping and talking and rambling onYepOkay I found another guitar pick hereWe’re going slowerWe’re going slowerWe’re going slowerWere going slowerYou know sometimes life is slow like a clock with elephant’s legs weighing it downOther times life is fast like a bird with wingsAnd you no time for anythingBecause everything’s going really fastThis is the filler songThis is the filler songYou know everybody likes kazoo on the songSo I thought well you know then maybe I should put some kazoo on the songWhat’s your Mother doing ?Right now ?What are you doing ?What about your parent’s parent’s parent’s?The police are at the doorThis is the police open upWe know you’ve gottaWe know you’ve got a joint in there no just kiddingI don’t do drugs actuallyWell you maybe wondering why ?Well I’m not here to tell you what to do butI feel freeI don’t have LSDAnd I feel freeBecause I can think clearlyThis is the filler songA song so long A song so long It’s filling up the space on your CDYou wonder why you play it And now your trying to get out of bed because you put the CD on and your relaxing and now you realize it’s kind of going a little long and you wonder what you should doMaybe you can get your friend Ralph to get up and flip the switch or somethingOr someone else because you know your procrastinatingBut you really want to get up but I’m starting say something interestingWhat is interestingInterest from your CDInterest from your CD at the bankWhat does that have to do with this CDWell this CD might be interestingBut your not going to get any interest unless the price of CDs go up and they pay you more for it at the used store but I don’t knowI doubt that will happenYour at the GBS networkGBSGBSGullible Broadcasting NetworkWe play gullible TV show that we think your gullible to watchIt’s gullibleGullible TVYou know you have to watchHave to watch TV NoGullibleGullible networkThis is the filler songA song so long A song so long That It fills up your CDDon’t that make you happy ?Hi How are you doing ladies and gentleman out there in the audienceI talk funny don’t I ?But maybe you talk funny I don’t know ?You talk normal you think but maybe it’s funny to me Because you think I talk funny, but maybe I talk normal and you’re the one that’s really weird ?I don’t know some people are really weird in the worldThey do a normal job that no one wants to do and they think they’re normal But they’re doing a job they don’t want to doThen there are people out there that people think are weird and their normal because they are doing what they wantThey’re doing a fun job that they enjoy.And then there’s some people out there thatSome people out thereHey did my voice changeOkay anywaysSome people out there that thinkAh think they areLets see they think they are weirdNo there Well everyone else thinks their weird but their normalI don’t knowAnywaysThis is the filler songI think that the recording guy’s going to tell me when I goWhen I’m doing to much music here and I should quit soAnyways I’m filling up the spaceSo that you get your money’s worthFor the CD you’re buyingYou’re getting it fill up with this songI’m not sure how along I’m going to go here but isn’t it interestingIt’s almost like revolution number 9 or something Maybe I should say number 9 a couple of times but that might be ripping off the Beatles or something like thatYeah I’m just making up stuff hereYou know sometimes a songs starts outYou know you startYou start to think there’s going to be a really cool A really cool riffAnd then nothing you know what I meanI was runningI was running down the streetI had to keep runningI don’t know what was chasing me though so I stoppedI just started walkingThen I started running againHelp !I started screaming help !Help !Help !Then I realized I was inside a vacuumThis is the filler songI’m just making up stuff as I go alongSome of it’s funny and some of it’s weirdAs long as you keep listening then you’ll get to hearEverything I say on this songDon’t you like it It’s not short it’s kind of long.I think I’m going to have another swig of ice tea right hereHow are you doing out there listening to my CD ?Is it good do you like what you hear here ?Is it jazz or funk or what do you think of this ?I keep hearing these you know it’s like stars or somethingI don’t know they just make these little echoesIt’s like someone is splashing something on top of the water or somethingWell I’m doing that part with my one hand The other hand’s got a glass of ice tea in it and I’m drinking itI don’t recommend ice tea unless you don’t mind staying up at night It’s got caffeine and sometimes it causes you to lose sleepBut then sometimes it’s kind of fun I don’t knowI don’t know what were we talking about ?Oh look outTheir looking in your windowTheir looking in your windowAre we going over ?I’ve got 2 minutesI think I’m going to end this song right hereThis is the filler songA song so long it filled up the end of your CDDon’t you like it ?Well I’m glad you bought itNext time you see me you can thank meHave a good one