Tart Flakey and the Jazz Catheters (a not so subtle nod to the great Art Blakey and his Jazz Messengers) is the next wave of jazz, in that it is hardly jazz at all. In fact, it's barely even music. It's an attitude, a lifestyle, a decidedly"left-turn from the right lane" aesthetic. Beer is meant to be consumed, not tasted. And this music is meant to be a bludgeoning force against your ear holes, not some sissy jazz that washes over you like a silky soft bubble bath against your bare, glistening skin. Remember that time in winter when you were in the bubble bath, where you had the soft music playing? You would have had a more satisfying bath and gotten a whole hell of a lot cleaner (both your body and your soul) if the Jazz Catheters were blaring from your speakers. We also perform live in your bathroom upon request. Imagine us set up in the most private area of your home, spewing forth a frothy brew of music-not-music while you scrub your intimate areas. We imagine it. We imagine lots. And let's not forget our friends, the reptiles, without whom turtle soup and alligator handbags wouldn't even be a thing. We recommend listening to this music at full volume, with fingers full of chicken wing grease and hot sauce. Funny thing about tambourines is the people who play them all look so stupid and happy. Or what about the time you learned that burgers came from cows? Delicious delicious cows. That's how we feel. Get it? Putting it together is the best. The CD format is dead, so buy this on CD and bury it. Then listen on the streaming service of your choice. We offer personalized streaming too, where we fill up squirt guns with Jack Daniels and run around the yard streaming liquor while yelling"Free the Bastards Now!" It's crazy but YOLO. The voices tell us different stories from time to time, but the best is the one about that girl and the stuff she did. Speaking of bees and wasps, we are thinking about getting some Uber Eats pizza (with or without sausage) for dinner once or twice this year. Next time we'll be more careful because you're only a paper moon, daddy-o, and we are certainly ready for liftoff. Did you hear the one about the horse that walked into a bar? But back to the music, it's quite fun and distracting. Speaking of distractions...it is clear that